Good evening everyone, and welcome to the coveted ‘It Happens’ Awards for 2020, honouring the sporting moments that were so unusual, it left you thinking like Tony Abbott after an Australian solider died:

“Nah, it’s pretty obvious that um, well, sometimes shit happens, doesn’t it?”

Now, in order to lighten up the mood, it’s best that I give this awards ceremony some kind of formal music, like you get at graduation ceremonies….

So on that note, here’s Hot Chocolate with Everyone’s A Winner.

Ah, that’s better – Now, on with the show:

The ‘Hey, Remember When That Happened On The 1st of January’ Award

Goes to Mitch Norton of the Perth Wildcats, for nailing an all-time NBL buzzer beater from almost full court back on New Years Day against the 36ers.

Yeah.

That happened.

The ‘Thank Jebus For Technology’ Award

Goes to Australian women’s cricket captain Meg Lanning, who was saved from a certain run-out against India in February’s T20 tri-series final by the casing for the stump mic, which sent the ball flying hard right like it had taken a jump off a trampoline.

Funnily enough, today marks 10 years since Lanning debuted for Australia.

The ‘Reminder That The Sherrin Is Oblong’ Award

Goes to Brooke Walker of Carlton’s AFLW team, who thought she’d finished off a good bit of work from Tayla Harris by dribbling through an open goal against Collingwood.

Only for the ball to roll along the goal line without completely crossing (According to the goal umpire), and thump into the post.

That could be the first time in history that a lucky bounce went Collingwood’s way against Carlton.

The ‘Most Shattering Way To Draw A Game’ Award

Goes to Wallabies superboot Reece Hodge, for that heartstopping 55 metre kick through the swirling wind and rain of Wellington in Bledisloe I that could’ve handed the Aussies their first win in New Zealand since 2001….

But it thundered into the right upright.

Sadly it proved to be an omen, as Hodgey missed 2 more kicks late in Tests against Argentina that both ended in draws.

The ‘Gave The Middle Finger To Death’ Award

An easy choice in this one, and in fact, they’re joint winners:

Now former factory Yamaha teammates Valentino Rossi and Maverick Vinales, for somehow not being hit and fatally wounded by neither the flying remains of Franco Morbidelli’s Yamaha, or Johann Zarco’s Ducati, which came flying through Turn 3 of the Red Bull Ring like cannon balls after the riders had a collision at 310km/h, in one of the more shocking MotoGP moments ever seen.

That’s the kind of crash that has Italians converting back to Catholicism.

And the third winner just had to be Romain Grosjean, who somehow escaped the most fiery Formula 1 crash since Gerhard Berger at Imola in 1989 with his life, thanks to decades of safety innovations.

The ‘Best Example Of Big Bash Fielding By A Crowd Member’ Award

To the Andre Agassi lookalike who couldn’t even hold on to a souvenir smashed Nick Kyrgios racquet at the Australian Open.

Get him in the Australian Test team.

The ‘Defeat From The Jaws Of Victory’ Award

Kym From Crawshaw Crescent giving the Trevor Chappells the win with his last bowl in Jack Attack

To the dishlicker Raw Diamond, who jumped at $1.70 in Race 3 of the Lismore dishlickers on February 25, and looked home and hosed as they rounded the turn for home, only to crap herself at the light emitting off the winning post, shy out, and run 3rd.

The topper of it all was that there was no third dividend – So every degenerate in the land did their dough.

Ah, gambling.

The ‘Jesse Owens versus a horse’ Award

For the drunk punter who had a few too many on Canberra Cup Day in March, becoming the new mascot for the Chalk Eaters Guide in the process.

A close runner-up to that guy at Cranbourne who got an assist from his mate and broke the grip of a security guard:

The ‘Fatty Vautin One Handed Catch’ Award

If you thought that catch of Matty Wade on Boxing Day was good, you clearly forgot Ravi Jadeja plucking Neil Wagner with his big southpaw back in March.

The ‘Misunderestimated Your Opponent’ Award

To Jy Simpkin of North Melbourne, for thinking Mason Cox was just some giant cardboard cutout on the mark that he could run around and kick a goal of the week nomination….

For crap’s sake Jy, he’s 95% arms.

The ‘He Came Up Behind Him Like A Librarian’ Award

Goes to Tom Cole of West Coast, who raised the spirit of Heath Shaw to pull Matt Taberner’s pants down in the Western Derby.

The ‘Most Comedic Way To Lose’ Award

Goes to the Canterbury Bulldogs, who completed a blown 22-10 lead in the final 15 minutes against St George-Illawarra in Round 10 when Marcelo Montoya put down a Lachie Lewis pass, the ball spilled forward straight into Corey Norman’s hands, who ran 40m and scored the winning try untouched.

I can think of a sound effect for that…

The ‘Biggest Collapse Since Ansett’ Award

Goes to those boys who created that KFC buckethead castle at the Adelaide Oval back in January, which came crashing down after they went for the 14th story.

That castle is also a representation of the Big Bash League since it left Channel 10.

And finally, The ‘Pulled The Fat Out Of The Fire’ Award

Goes to Nick Brett of England, who lit up the World Indoor Bowls Championships open pairs final in January by turning a Scottish hold of 3 into an English hold of 2, with one of the most exquisite shots you’ll ever see.

Capping it off, Brett and Greg Harlow won the match and the title over defending champions Alex Marshall and Paul Foster.

Huh, this was my 800th post.

Go Me.