The 2023 Bombers are only the 3rd team in the Top 8 era of the AFL (1994-) to miss the Finals after sitting on top after Round 1, and the first since 2007.

Going through those failures:

Adelaide in 1994 belted Carlton at Football Park in Round 1, highlighted by Tony Modra turning into Godra and kicking 13 goals (Matching his career-high), mere days after he threatened to quit football altogether:

However, despite Shaun Rehn’s performance in the ruck and the emergence of a young Mark Ricciuto, the arse fell out of the Crows’ backside after the State of Origin break in May (Ironically, after South Australia had defeated Victoria), culminating in an inglorious loss to wooden spooners Sydney in Adelaide in Round 18, and an 11th-placed finish led to the dismissal of inaugural coach Graham Cornes.

As for Tony Modra, last I heard he played at Fremantle.

Round 1 of 2007 was a funny one, because the biggest the biggest winning margin was ‘only’ 31 points – For context, it is the only Round 1 of the 21st Century not to feature a 50+ point margin, and that’s even after you include the 16-minute quarters of 2020.

As it happened, St Kilda and Essendon both won in Round 1 by 31 points, while Brisbane defeated Hawthorn by 25 points in a woeful game on Saturday night at the Gabba, but percentages worked out that a 69-44 win is a percentage of 156.8%, so the Lions sat on top, and retained it the next week when they belted the Saints on Easter Thursday….

However, as was the case with the Lions after the 2004 Grand Final defeat, they reverted back to the mean, plummeting down the ladder (Including a draw with a winless Richmond) to 13th at the end of June, then they stunned defending premiers West Coast in Perth (They were $11 before the game):

Made a big charge up the ladder to sit 8th after Round 18, but went winless in their final 4 games and finished 10th, the lone highlight being Jonathan Brown winning the Coleman Medal.

Essendon of 2023 smacked Hawthorn in Round 1 in what was Brad Scott’s first game in charge of the Bombers, and spent the first half of the season hanging around the Top 8, with highlights including defeating Melbourne during Gather Round, sitting 5 goals clear of Collingwood at 3/4 time on ANZAC Day (Only for the Pies to run them over), defeating Richmond by a point during the Dreamtime Game for the first time in 9 years, causing Damien Hardwick to resign in shame, and an utter humiliation of Carlton on a Sunday night in Round 13, which left the Dons only percentage out of the Top 4, while the Blues were 3 games out of the Top 8 and warming up their underworld connections to have a chat to Michael Voss.

As Michael Scott once said, how the turn tables.

The beginning of the end for the Bombers came when Port Adelaide’s Dan Houston decided to fire a rocket after the siren in Round 16 to win the game, leading to NASA inquiring as to why Port Adelaide were using Houston to fire rockets:

The Bombers wound up defeating Adelaide the next week to sit 5th, which was followed by a disastrous trip to Geelong, in which the Cats held the Bombers to 1 point in the 1st Quarter and won by 77 points, followed by 2 more defeats to the Dogs and Swans to drop them to 13th…

The Bombers then defeated last-placed West Coast by a point, requiring one of the dodgiest centre bounces of the year to set up the winning goal against the worst team since the 1996 Fitzroy carcass, then they barely got over 17th-placed North Melbourne the next week, with North now on a 20-game losing streak…

Finally, with their season the line in a mini-elimination final, a trip to Sydney to play GWS saw the Giants kick 19 out of the first 21 goals deep into the 3rd Quarter, ultimately winning by a club-record 126 points as Jesse Hogan kicked 9 goals, all but finishing off the Bombers’ season with a timely reminder as to why Essendon have been an also-ran for 19 years:

And in their final game of the year against arch-rival Collingwood, which was meant to serve as a farewell to a cult hero in Anthony McDonald-Tipungwuti, the Magpies kicked 8 goals to none in the first quarter, kicked the first 11 goals of the game and won by a lazy 70 points as the Bombers kicked a mere 3 goals for the game, as many as Jack Ginnivan and Brody Mihocek managed for the Magpies.

And now to end this section with a classic Simpsons video to summarise the last fortnight of Essendon’s season: