“Go and find the smallest child on the course, because they will be the only person here who might see something like this again.”– Lee Freedman after finding out I was acting top side team manager for Thursday.

So friends, the Manning teams for our opening bowls trial games against Thornlie on Thursday have finally been released after weeks of fingernail munching (Our first pennant games are coming up on October 26), and for the first time since the last set of trial games 12 months ago, I find myself playing in a Manning top side (The third time will come this Saturday), thanks to a few of our regular Thursday starters not playing, namely AJ Heal who is too busy representing WA in the Australian Over 60s Sides Championships.

Good news, WA did defeat the Northern Territory today.

However, this time my journey back to the top team has come with a twist, because somehow and someway, I have been named as…

TOP SIDE TEAM MANAGER FOR THE DAY.

“Yes, I am a manager.”

“What do you manage?”

“Usually I manage to screw something up.”

Yes, in a team containing the likes of a 2-time Cricket World Cup winner (Brad Hogg), a former East Fremantle footballer (Joe Angel), a man from Mukinbudin (Smithy, my skip for the day), Billy Fraser and Nigel the Welshman, I have been given the ceremonial baton as manager.

Could be an early birthday present for all I know, and if you think I’m going to milk the everloving crap out of this, you would be RIGHT.

For the unaware, in pennants lawn bowls the team manager is largely administrative – You fill out the cards with the correct rinks, all the way down to the correct spelling, meet with your opposing manager before the game and decide the rink draws with a blind shuffle of the cards, represent your sides during any disputes during the game, whip them if they’re performing poorly, then after the game you check back with the opposing manager to see all the scorecards are correct, fill out the results sheet, sign it off if you’re all happy, then hit the piss with the opposition.

Of course, if this were an official pennants match, the home team manager would be required to enter the results into BowlsLink for all the world to see.

And, if this were an official pennants match, I wouldn’t be allowed near a manager’s role with a 50-foot pole, simply because I haven’t completed the mandatory course required by Bowls WA, which teaches you how to correctly input everything into the BowlsLink website.

So yes, assuming the selectors don’t come to their senses by Thursday morning, I will be enjoying the brief experience of team management on Thursday.

How I see myself as a team manager:

What I actually do: