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After 7 months in hibernation, the first day of November brought the first edition of the Spring 2023 edition of Manning Jack Attack, The Greatest Social Bowls Competition Between Manning Road And The Canning River, and there’s been some big changes in the Jack Attack landscape since we last spoke back in March:

– Richard ‘Half’ Price has become a Thursday & Saturday pennants selector at Manning to represent the battlers of 3rd, 4th and 5th Division, and rest assured he will be scouting the cream of the Wednesday night crop for potential bowlers in case things get very desperate and we need players.

– Helen Lamb from the CD’s was named Manning’s Ladies Bowler of the Year for 2022-23 after winning the Pairs & Triples (She worked the pedals and her partners steered), and also made the Semi Finals of the Women’s Novice Champion of Champions Singles.

– JT finished off last season with a Division 1 Blue pennant victory, was named a Thursday Premier League team manager, (Trust me, it’s not that special), reached the State Fours Quarter Finals at his first attempt, and made his Saturday Premier League debut last Saturday, making him the first player to graduate from Wednesday night Jack Attack all the way through the grades to Premier League.

Also, I didn’t even mention Jared from The Lenny’s won the Manning Novice Singles and got a crack in Division 1 White last week, and of course the common theme is that all of us achieved these personal bowls milestones after cutting our teeth on the holy grounds of Wednesday night Manning Jack Attack, so there’s hope for everyone.

As for some of the team changes and new arrivals for Spring 2023:

First they were The Bowlsheviks, then they were the Empire Strikes Back, then they were Jack To The Future, then they were the Jackstreet Boys, and now young Alex has come up with…

The Jackson 3.

An appropriate name, considering the only 3 Jackson brothers still in the Jackson 5 are Jackie, Tito and Marlon.

This Is How We Roll are back in business after they merged with Stop Drop & Bowl in the Summer 2023 competition in a bid to try and win the wooden spoon again, only to fail spectacularly and win enough games to finish midfield.

Norfolk Enchants are an expansion team with a name suited for the average Englishman, entered by Quinny, another mate of Glen O’Brien, and we thank Scratch for landing us another team.

Salty Towers have expanded out to become Salty Bowls 1 and 2, which will serve as the Wednesday night staff meeting for Salty Property, as Glen manages to up his commitment to no fewer than 5 teams.

The Steam Rollers are another new team who I didn’t know much about, but they’re probably friends of Glen O’Brien as well, because that’s usually the case.

Unfortunately, we have lost no fewer than 2 teams from last season, as The Lenny’s have been retired due to Naomi still having a gammy leg and Jarryd playing big boy pennants + being booked in for knee surgery in a few weeks, and the other big loss from last season is the runners-up Team Tommy, simply because Steve Withers is too busy helping out with Tommy Shelby’s booming stud career to play bowls, and if you want to know how well it’s going, Tommy’s pups have already cracked $1m in prize money this season.

Fair to say Steve could be retired in 2 years… dunno about Tommy, though.

The Overall Night

On a disappointing note, we did lose 2 games on the day to late forfeitures, so as a result only 22 out of the 26 teams wound up playing:

The Top Shots had a few players unavailable (Gordon & Leslie for two), but right as Pricey was trying to get some substitutes for Jerry, he abruptly got a phone call and left, so the Unbelievabowls were left with nobody to play, then we found out the Jack Hunters had got the dates mixed up (Despite 2 emails being sent out by Pricey), so Helen (Who was the only Jack Hunter on hand) took off early and Crawshaw were awarded the points.

The laws of Manning Jack Attack state that a forfeiture results in 4 points and 12 shots being awarded to the opposition – 4 points for a straight-sets win, and 1 shot per end + 2 powerplays to make 12 shots, which will be reflected on the ladder, although they will not be eligible for prize money that week.

And if you do have players missing on a night, remember to contact Half Price in advance so we can find ring-ins, otherwise your opposition will win by the two sweetest words in the English language… DE-FAULT.

Moving on, the first nightly winners for the season were Manning Up (Mark, Simon and Trav), who blasted This Is How We Roll with a 21-0 win in the 1st Set on Synthetic Rink 6, as 3 on a 1st End powerplay was backed up with a full count of 6 on the 3rd End, but the game was a fair bit tighter in the 2nd Set with only 7 shots in total, but the last end double powerplay didn’t quite work for This Is How Roll, who could only pick up 1 to make the final score 4-3, still quite the turnaround after one of the biggest 5-end wallopings in recent years.

I would note this success for Manning Up came with team manager John McGinn sitting out this season after a couple of surgeries, although he is still turning up in the role of team manager, and was abruptly forced into service when Phil turned up past the start time.

There were messages being sent in that group chat that I cannot repeat due to underaged children reading this website.

In for 2nd place on the night were Verse 1 (Peggy, Ronni and Mick), who recorded a straight sets +13 shot win against the Bowling Stones on Synthetic Rink 1, as the Manning Primary mums seemed to get sidetracked in a very long conversation over multiple bottles of Rose…

Actually, that’s how most of their Wednesday nights go – A very long conversation interrupted by lawn bowls.

3rd place overall went to Lethal Leigh and the crew of Ebowla Bad, Ibowla Good, who recorded a straight sets 9-shot victory (7-4 6-0) against Rock N Bowl out in the carpark on Synthetic Rink 8, and I’d say Rock N Bowl were still deeply upset about Half Price completely forgetting about them in the original fixture sheet, where they were replaced by a Ring In team…

At which point, Pricey realised he’d forgotten to email Belinda Mac and rectified the error, but the psychological damage had long been inflicted.

Finishing off the money, the race for 4th place was very tight, as we had 3 teams finish on +8 shots, forcing the revival of the countback system.

New blokes on the block Norfolk Enchants won the 1st Set in a 9-0 shutout against the Steam Rollers on Synthetic Rink 4, but found themselves pegged back when they dropped a 3 on the last end of the 2nd Set to go from 5-3 up to lose it 5-6, but they held 2 in the tiebreak to come away with the victory, although that 3 did cost them a spot in the Top 4 as they didn’t win in straight sets.

The CD’s (With Helen agreeing to front up) vaulted to a straight sets win against Ten Pin on Synthetic Rink 2, off the back of a last end 1st Set powerplay that saw them hold 3 and go from 1-4 down to 7-4 up, and they held that form to win the 2nd Set 8-3, but even that wasn’t enough to get 4th place…

Which would go to the boys from Shapes, who have absolutely put the hours in over the off-season and were rewarded for their efforts with a 7-3 9-5 win against the Bowled Guys on Grass Rink 5, and ultimately the countback went all the way down to shots held (Ends held was 5-5), which went the way of Shapes by a narrow 16-15 margin.

I would also note there were two very high-profile onlookers on the rink next door – Cody Packer and Miles Kemp (Both in Manning’s Premier League team) were undergoing some fairly intense drills on Rink 6, and after they were done, Chevy (The Bowled Guys resident Scotswoman) asked if they played Jack Attack…

I replied they might be a bit too advanced for Jack Attack.

Finishing off the scores for the opening night:

Macatac 2 were another straight sets winner as they defeated the Great Bowls of Fire by 6 shots (7-3 5-3), and most of the damage was done on Macatac 2’s 1st Set powerplay on the 4th End (Which was a double powerplay), in which they held 2 to go from 3-2 to 7-2 ahead, and the Great Bowls were never a chance of getting it back having played their own powerplay on that same end, and in the 2nd Set it was the same story, as the Macatac ladies held on another double powerplay and shut down Todd, Jonesy and Paul Alphabet.

Macatac 1 made it a winning double for the Macatac teams as they got away with 3 points against Buffed Helmets 1 on Grass Rink 4 (5-4, 7-7), and the Buffs nearly pulled off a comeback to rival Lazarus and John Howard, as they trailed 7-0 after 3 ends in the 2nd Set, only to play their powerplay and pick up 3 to cut it to 6-7 with an end to play, and when all hope looked lost, Carmo (Who arrived late after being up to his neck in crap at work) managed to smash the jack out the back to grab shot, but unfortunately he couldn’t draw a second to force a tiebreak, so the set finished 7 apiece and Macatac got the outright win.

The loudest game of the night was the game between Fawesome and Stop Drop & Bowl, which was an old-fashioned arm-wrestle in the 1st Set as all 5 ends finished with 1 shot, but Stewie, Steve and Dave got on top in the final end to win it 3-2, then went on with the job and won the 2nd Set 9-4, sealed on the last end by Steve trailing the jack to go from 1 down to 2 up.

The only other tiebreaker of the night was the Salt Property Group staff meeting on Synthetic Rink 5, as Salty Bowls 1 and 2 debuted against each other in a Derby, with Scratch guiding his staff through the fundamentals of the game and the heart attack material that comes with playing a tiebreak, and ultimately it was Salty 1 that would edge out Salty 2, despite the 2s being ahead on variance by just 1 shot (10-9).

Finally, in the view of this author, the best game of the night was the contest between the Jackson 3 and Buffed Helmets 2 on Grass Rink 3, which kicked off with the defending champion Buffs pulling off a 4 on the final end (Without a powerplay) to force a 6-6 draw in the 1st Set, setting up what was effectively a tiebreak set, and going down to the final bowls, Alex, Michael, Tito, Randy, Jermaine and Jackie were holding 2, but last season’s Mitchell Trophy winner Scotty told his team to just call my name and I’ll Be There, and produced a blinder of a shot that trailed the jack clean out the back to hold 1 and win the game.

Another highlight of the game was Richard using a discarded radio antenna as a measuring implement, instead of the more refined retractable tape.

Some people use shoes, some people use string, others use discarded radio antennas.

All in all, Welcome Back Kotter Jack Attack… Although we’ll be off for a bye next week due to the Melbourne Cup and Tuesday Pennants being played on the Wednesday morning/afternoon.

Results

Grass 1: Unbelievabowls (4pts +12) won in walkover vs Top Shots

Grass 2: Macatac 2 (4pts +6) defeated Great Bowls of Fire, 7-3 5-3

Grass 3: Buffed Helmets 2 (3pts +1) defeated The Jackson 3 (1pt-1), 6-6 4-3

Grass 4: Macatac 1 (3pts +1) defeated Buffed Helmets 1 (1pt -1), 5-4 7-7

Grass 5: Shapes (4pts +8) defeated Bowled Guys, 7-3 9-5

Synthetic 1: Verse 1 (4pts +13) defeated Bowling Stones, 7-1, 9-2

Synthetic 2: CD’s (4pts +8) defeated Ten Pin, 7-4 8-3

Synthetic 3: Crawshaw CC (4pts +12) won in walkover vs Jack Hunters

Synthetic 4: Norfolk Enchants (3pts +8) defeated Steam Rollers (2pts -8), 9-0 5-6 2-0 in the tiebreak

Synthetic 5: Salty Bowls 1 (3pts -1) defeated Salty Bowls 2 (2pts +1), 6-5 3-5 1-0 in the tiebreak

Synthetic 6: Manning Up (4pts +22) defeated This Is How We Roll, 22-0 4-3

Synthetic 7: Fawesome (4pts +6) defeated Stop Drop & Bowl, 3-2 9-4

Synthetic 8: Ebowla Bad Ibowla Good (4pts +9) defeated Rock N Bowl, 7-4 6-0

Captain’s Comments

Verse 1: “The Bowling Stones dropped an F Bomb during the game… It blew up in their faces”

Mark, Manning Up: “Can we just say that one specific team member that turned up late forced a very sick captain to have to step up late in the piece…”

“You’re cutting it a bit fine, aren’t you Phil, was his quote in the group chat.”

Todd, Great Bowls of Fire: “Weather was great for an opening night, things were a bit average, had a few good ends but we got beaten by the better team.”

Alex, The Jackson 3: “Good game, credit to the boys, about as close as we could’ve been, would’ve liked to have won but they bowled some good ones so credit to them… we did get both of our power plays, which is a rarity.”