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After the longest heatwave since last week, and before another heatwave rolled in on Thursday we moved on to Week 2 of the Summer 2024 edition of Manning Jack Attack, and love was in the air as we bowled on Valentine’s Day for the first time in 6 years, and it felt like all we needed was John Paul Young to liven up the atmosphere…

Actually, nobody’s needed John Paul Young since Strictly Ballroom.

With nothing else to mention from last week, Week 2 featured the first of our novelty challenges:

The Corner to Corner Challenge

The night began with the first of the Corner to Corner Challenges for this season, and starting with the Grass, the winner was Kevin from Macatac 1 (On his Corner to Corner debut), landing a deadset pearler that finished up a fingernail from the jack to comfortably win the $20 voucher, with the runner-up spot going to Scotty from the Buffed Helmets, a regular feature in the Corner to Corner:

Next door, the Synthetic Corner to Corner was a hard-fought affair that went all the way down to the last bowl, and for the longest time it was Jason from the Bowled Guys holding the shot, only for Donna from the Steam Rollers to come on through and thump Jason’s big orange bowl down to the runner-up spot.. only just:

The Overall Night

Looking at the results, the handicapper responded beautifully after some blowouts in Week 1, as 6 games went to tiebreaks, 8 out of the 9 teams who lost in straight sets in Week 1 rebounded and won in Week 2 (The odd one out lost in a tiebreak), the Top 3 from Week 1 all lost, 21 out of 24 teams have won at least 1 game through 2 weeks, and only 1 team has claimed all 8 points through 2 games.

Starting off, the duel for 1st place on the night went to a countback as 2 teams won in straight sets with +16 shots, so we had to dig through Half Price’s tub to find the mythical countback sheet…

Then, after a careful look at the scores, it was the crew from Shapes who were 1st Overall 8-6 on the Ends won countback, turning around their Week 1 drubbing by drubbing the Bowled Guys (11-2 9-2) on Synthetic Rink 5, as the Shapes boys made full use of their 6 working arms in team manager Craig’s absence, while an injured Rede had to make use of ‘The Craw’, aka a bowling arm, which didn’t end too well for our resident team of chrome domes:

So the team on the wrong end of the 16-shot countback was Ebowla Bad Ibowla Good, who had to be content with 2nd thanks to their straight sets win against Salty Bowls (7-3 14-2) on Synthetic Rink 7, and EBIG were another straight sets loser from Week 1 who reversed their fortunes on Wednesday night, and the funnier part was Salty Bowls were actually ahead 3-0 after 2 ends…. the only problem was the score for the other 8 ends was 21-2, highlighted by a 6 on the 1st End of the 2nd Set.

3rd overall went to the defending champions Norfolk Enchants (With the returning Quinny partnering Justin and Guy), who put up a 13-shot straight sets victory against the Great Bowls of Fire on Synthetic Rink 5, a result set up by Norfolk’s 13-1 win in the 1st Set, but even still the game very nearly went to a tiebreak as the Norfolkers led 4-1 with the final end to come, and the Great Bowls had held off their powerplay until that moment, leaving them needing only 2 (4) to win the set, but despite crossing over with 1 of the 2 shots required, Todd didn’t add the second, so Norfolk held on to seal the deal 4-3.

4th Overall would also go to a countback with 2 teams winning in straight sets by 12 shots, but it would be Bowljack Horseman who got the nod 8-7 on Ends won thanks to their win against Week 1 leaders Ten Pin on Synthetic Rink 6 (9-2 6-1), and Alex’s team have been the most consistent team through the first 2 weeks, sitting on top of the ladder as the only team with 8 points through 2 games, and they’ve won both games by 12 shots, this time getting some cash to show for it.

So that meant the unlucky 5th-placed team on the night was the Bowling Stones, who recovered from last week’s painful Kidney Stones performance against Ten Pin (Losing by 24 shots) to defeat the Steam Rollers (3rd last week) on Synthetic Rink 2 (8-1 8-3), and there was some high drama during the 2nd End of the 2nd Set, as the Steam Rollers somehow managed to bowl all 6 bowls before Tiff had bowled the 5th and 6th bowls for the Stones, forcing United Nations representative Half Price to go out and help sort the drama, and it was ultimately decided that both teams should replay the last 4 bowls.

It worked out well for Tiff, because she took shot from the queue jumper Steph O’Brien.

Last week they were described as the Kidney Stones, well, this week the Kidney Stones got removed…

From the Top 4.

Finishing off the results from Week 2, one of the greatest turnarounds in Manning Jack Attack history came via Hosky’s Hopefuls, who had lost by 20 shots on debut against Crawshaw in Week 1, but Linda, Craig and Brad turned it around and won in straight sets by 10 shots (6-5 10-1) against This Is How We Roll on Grass Rink 4, and perhaps the key this time was that Coach Mat Hoskin was with his team the whole way through the night, and the guidance of a Division 1 Blue pennant winner did the trick.

A 30-shot turnaround – Last week Coach Hoskin was going to get the arse in favour of Damien Hardwick, now he’s been offered a 5-year contract by Brad Coopes…

Nothing to do with bowls, Coopes wants him to coach the Manning Rippers.

On Grass Rink 1, the matchup of the night was the latest edition of the Macatac Derby, aka the Macatac Melee between Macatacs 1 and 2, and this was the third edition of the Macatac Derby after we didn’t have one last season, but it would ultimately reach the exact same conclusion as the first two Melees…

Macatac 2 defeated Macatac 1 in a tiebreak, with the variance being dead level at 9 apiece after 2 sets (5-3 to Macatac 1 in the 1st Set and 6-4 to the 2s in the 2nd), but the Terrible 2s of Jackie, Irene, Trish & Russell would get the win in the tiebreak against Di Mac (The only Macpherson in the Derby), Kev, Deb and Barb.

On Synthetic Rink 1, Stop Drop & Bowl took on the Jackobites, who were in need of helping hand after losing by 22 shots on debut last week, so Mark and Liz Matthews took matters into their own hands and gave Mark’s workmate Chris and the Jackobites a coaching lesson before the Corner To Corner:

Then, with the team down to 2 players thanks to the Internationally banned Scotsman coming down sick, Mark went in and played with the Jackobites for the opening 2 ends, in which time the expat Scotsmen led 6-0 and ultimately won the 1st Set 10-1 to get their first points of the season, after which they went back to playing 3 bowls apiece:

However, Sharyn and the former softballers swung back and made full use of their player advantage to win the 2nd Set 12-0 to force the tiebreak, which they would ultimately win by comfortably holding 2 shots, already putting a dent in their master plans to try and win the Wooden Spoon again.

Still, it did seem like the Jackobites were a tad unfortunate, because early in the 2nd Set they drilled the jack into the ditch, which by rule re-spotted the jack onto the T, Lisa from Stop Drop & Bowl then got shot with a bright red bowl, only for Chris to nail the jack again… and still miss out on getting the shot:

On Synthetic Rink 3, Verse 1 defeated Rock N Bowl in a tiebreak to get on the board for Summer 2024, with the teams splitting the sets with Rock N Bowl ahead by a single shot on variance (10-9) after Verse 1 led 8-0 after 3 ends before being clawed back, but Mick did the damage for Verse 1 in the tiebreak by holding the 2 shots to win the game.

On Grass Rink 3, the Crawshaw Crisis Committee remained unbeaten thanks to their tiebreak win against the Buffed Helmets, despite copping a 6-shot blowout on the variance, and at the start of the night it looked like the Buffed Helmets 1 name might be making a comeback, in that birthday boy Scotty was their only available player due to several teammates being struck by Cupid’s arrow (Their names were noted in the Captain’s Comments), but Carmo would turn up to help the cause, and they had good help from Glen and his son (Scratch Junior), who at one stage nailed Peter from Crawshaw with a spectacular sit and stay shot.

Still, the only highlight of the tiebreak was the final bowl that wasn’t played by Wilko, which was brought about by Crawshaw already having shot, and he stood by his decision despite accusations of being a yellow-bellied coward, a decision that was most likely brought about by the fact that many years ago against the Trevor Chappells, Wilko found himself in the exact same scenario and decided to play the bowl… which resulted in him whacking a Trevor Chappells bowl in for shot.

Moving on to the social netball derby in the Challenger Avenue carpark, aka Synthetic Rink 8, the CDs and the Unbelievabowls would decide their clash in a tiebreak, which was a fair effort by the Unbelievabowls after trailing 11-0 only 4 ends into the game, but getting 3 on a last end powerplay to end the 1st Set 6-11 down got them going, as they went on to win the 2nd Set 10-3 (Giving them the variance for the night), but halfway through the tiebreak it looked like Marg was going to win it for the CDs with 2 bowls in close range, but Frea stepped up and took it away in style with a toucher to win the game for the Unbelievabowls:

Vengeful schoolteacher Marg then promised revenge on Frea’s son Hamish by giving him an extra work sheet in class the next day, while the CDs couldn’t put the blame on former drinks b—h Helen, because she’d been promoted to ‘Dish Pig’ in the Manning kitchen for the night.

So, the lucky last game to finish on Wednesday night was the game between Manning Up and the Bowl Movements on Grass Rink 2, as Manning Up started up by claiming their first points of the season with a 7-2 win in the 1st Set, only to go to water when the sun went down as the Bowl Movements won the 2nd Set 7-1, and caused a few internal movements for John and the micro managers, but thankfully for Manning Up, Mark would have the last bowl of the game, and straight out of the hand you could tell he wasn’t going to get close to getting shot…

However, such is the fickle nature of the beast, his bowl managed to have enough weight to hit up one of Trav’s short bowls by at least 3 rolls (2 feet), enough to give it the shot to win the game for Manning Up.

What can you do… except drink and wait for Week 3.

Results

2 points for a set win, 1 point for a draw and/or a tiebreak win, tiebreaks are not counted in score variance.

Grass 1: Macatac 2 (3pts 0) defeated Macatac 1 (2pts 0), 3-5 6-4 1-0 in the tiebreak

Grass 2: Manning Up (3pts -1) defeated Bowl Movements (2pts +1), 7-2 1-7 1-0 in the tiebreak

Grass 3: Crawshaw CC (3pts -6) defeated Buffed Helmets (2pts +6), 2-9 5-4 3-0 in the tiebreak

Grass 4: Hosky’s Hopefuls (4pts +10) defeated This Is How We Roll, 6-5 10-1

Synthetic 1: Stop Drop & Bowl (3pts +3) defeated The Jackobites (2pts -3), 1-10 12-0 2-0 in the tiebreak

Synthetic 2: Bowling Stones (4pts +12) defeated Steam Rollers, 8-1 8-3

Synthetic 3: Verse 1 (3pts -1) defeated Rock N Bowl (2pts +1), 8-5 1-5 2-0 in the tiebreak

Synthetic 4: Norfolk Enchants (4pts +13) defeated Great Bowls of Fire, 13-1 4-3

Synthetic 5: Shapes (4pts +16) defeated Bowled Guys, 11-2 9-2

Synthetic 6: Bowljack Horseman (4pts +12) defeated Ten Pin, 9-2 6-1

Synthetic 7: Ebowla Bad Ibowla Good (4pts +16) defeated Salty Bowls, 7-3 14-2

Synthetic 8: Unbelievabowls (3pts +2) defeated CDs (2pts -2), 6-11 10-3 1-0 in the tiebreak

Ladder

Captain’s Comments

Coach Hoskin, Hosky’s Hopefuls: “The biggest turnaround in history, Hosky’s Hopefuls will not be known as the Hopeless after all.”

Scotty, Buffed Helmets: “Kip’s done his nuts again and got engaged for the third time… he dusted off the ring from the first proposal.”

“He couldn’t make it tonight because he’s been to the physio getting his hip put back in, after slipping on the rose petals while going down on bended knee.”

Carmo, Buffed Helmets: “Kip has shown that you can do Valentine’s Day on the wrong side of 50, as Carry proved as well, missing a night of Jack Attack for the first time in forever – Even Cheese with his blossoming romance wouldn’t stoop to that level.”

Wilko, Crawshaw CC: “An unmentioned story from last week’s report was that Travis put a bowl 100mm from the jack… on the next rink, because it was on the wrong bias.”

Nat, CDs: “It was a hard-fought game tonight because all of us play social netball together… it was The Blunders derby”

Alex, Bowljack Horseman: “The boys are on here”

Peter, Shapes: “We were wrong about Craig carrying us… We only need 6 good arms in this team, not 7.”

Quinny, Norfolk Enchants: “Shapes picked up a shot bowl from our rink and took it away while they were clearing their rink next door… we were just standing there dumbfounded!”