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Well friends, the Summer officially arrived on Sunday as we got on to Week 4 of Spring/Summer 2024 edition of Manning Jack Attack, The Greatest Social Bowls Competition Between Manning Road And The Canning River, and the saying time flies when you’re having fun applies quite perfectly to this season, because somehow we’ve already reached Week 4, and it doesn’t even feel like there’s only 2 more weeks remaining for this season, but somehow it really is true.

While Summer may officially be here in Australia, the heatwave hasn’t officially hit town yet, as we had rain on Tuesday, followed by a rather low top of 25 on Wednesday, with the consistent winds forcing something you’d seldom see in Manning Jack Attack… jumpers and hoodies in December.

As my dear father said a few years ago, we may as well call it Jacket Attack.

Still, if you saw the weather in Perth next week, you’d be longing for a 25-degree day, because the only time it’ll be 25 degrees next week is at midnight.

The Spider Challenge II

The night began with the second of the Spider Challenges for this season, which the Buffed Helmets thankfully arrived in time for after a hard day drinking, and once the whistle went, a purple bowl (Belonging to one of the Bowling Stones) came in from the Grassy Knoll and moved the jack out the back, wiping out just about everybody that had finished in the middle…

But eventually we found our clear winners some 2 metres away, that being Phil from Manning Up (Winner) and Trudy from Sausage Bowls.

The Zapruder film of the Spider Challenge is on the Facebook page.

The Overall Night

On what was a cooler night that sped up C Green to speeds far beyond what was compatible for most social bowlers, we had another hot night of competition with 5 tiebreaks and another 3 games with a drawn set, as the race for the finals started to spread itself out., and by the end of it we had 2 teams with 1 foot in the door of the Top 4, and some 8 teams with a realistic shot at claiming a spot in Week 5.

Starting off the top, the overall winner of Week 4 was the Bowled Guys, who finally got a win this season in emphatic style, defeating their chrome domed mates from the Great Bowls of Fire in straight sets by 17 shots, and this was a game that Todd had been pushing for, seeing as there hadn’t been a Bowled Guys-Great Bowls derby for a while…

But it seemed like our resident David Koch lookalike was a bit rattled after being told the integrity police were going to be watching the game to make sure there wasn’t some kind of contrived result in favour of the Great Bowls, given they had a greater chance of making the Top 6, the quote from Half Price being that:

“If Joe Biden can pardon his son, then the Great Bowls can cook this fixture'”

Clearly we should’ve been investigating Todd for tanking and propping up Bruce.

It was also a result that disgusted Jonesy, seeing as he didn’t even make it to the end before leaving under the guise that he had to get ready for working a night shift, forcing Bowled Guys Jason to fill in alongside Todd and Paul Alphabet for the remainder of the game… even the captain of the Costa Concordia stayed on the sinking ship longer than Jonesy.

A result so devastating that the Great Bowls fell from 9th to 19th… God help me, it was only 19th.

The runner-up spot went to Rip It Up, who ripped the Unbelievabowls apart in the 1st Set with a 14-3 win, followed by a 4-4 draw in the 2nd Set to finish 11 shots ahead on Synthetic Rink 6, and it was well noted that Rip It Up (Brad, Carlene, Craig and special guest Brett) were ably assisted by Katrina Hoskin, well regarded at Manning Memorial as the best player in the Hoskin household, and they were joined afterwards by the fourth-best player in the Hoskin household in Mat Hoskin, who just happened to fly in from a FIFO stint that night to see the team that dumped him as coach sprout wings on C Green, as they jumped up to 9th on the ladder, while the Unbelievabowls still haven’t won a game since finishing Top 3 in Week 1.

3rd overall went to Chiko Bowls, who won their derby against Sausage Bowls by 10 shots in straight sets on Grass Rink 3, and it was a score that Sausage Bowls kept respectable thanks to holding on both of their power plays, with their 2nd Set power play almost causing an unlikely tiebreak, however the Chiko Bowls would hold 2 shots and seal the win 11-2 5-4, with the win lifting Chiko Bowls up to 13th, in spite of only debuting in Week 2, so we’ll see what they can accomplish if they go on with it in the Summer 2025 season.

Completing the results for Week 4:

The Bowling Stones are still on top of the ladder thanks to taking 1.5 sets against Manning Up in a win on Grass Rink 4, a spiteful game that was full of elbowing, punches, swearing, and I wouldn’t be surprised if there was some pinching and Chinese burns involved.

The first pivotal moment came on the 4th End of the night, when Manning Up led 2-1 and set a long end, holding no fewer than 4 shots with a bowl to come, and Jules from the Bowling Stones stepped up, most likely while her teammates were chatting in the background, and delivered an almighty hit and hope that saw her bowl trail the jack out the back and somehow stay up a foot from the ditch (Where the bowl finished), when a re-spot would’ve given Manning Up at least 4 and a 6-1 lead with an end to play.

Still, history will say the Stones held 1 to make it 2-2, won the final end powerplay to win the set 6-2, then finished off John and the micromanagers by making a late comeback from 2-6 down to draw the 2nd set 6-6 thanks to another final end powerplay, as Phil and Brent were left with black eyes and broken bones thanks to Tiff and the ladies.

Although if you ask Phil, he did deserve it.

Shapes retained 2nd place on the ladder thanks to a tough tiebreak win against Norfolk Enchants on Synthetic Rink 7, also finishing 2 shots ahead on variance (Crucial with the ladder being as tight as it is), and all told it was a fairly even game that featured some solid powerplay holds from both teams, as the Norfolkers won the 1st Set by holding 2 (4) to go from 2-5 down to 6-5 ahead, then the Shapes held 3 (6) on their 2nd Set powerplay to win it 7-4, then the tiebreak was decided by Craig with a cold draw that Quinny couldn’t surpass, keeping the Shapes within a point of the Bowling Stones, while the Norfolkers are still about the place in 8th spot.

A big win for Shapes, especially as they were without Tristan, which forced Craig to call in their mate Scotty for his Shapes debut, and it was also an admirable performance from Quinny, as he’d been in holiday in Esperance before deciding to abandon his family in the Great Southern to travel back to Perth and play on Wednesday night…

That’s the commitment you get on a Wednesday night at Manning.

The Buffed Helmets maintain 3rd on the ladder thanks to grinding out a tiebreak win against Crawshaw on Grass Rink 1, and it was a win that looked extremely unlikely for most of the night as they lost the 1st Set 3-5, then faced the same scoreline with an end to play in the 2nd Set with their powerplay gone to waste, but Lee Carr and Kip came good and planted 3 close to win the set 6-5 to force that tiebreak, in which Scotty, the self-proclaimed diamond, pulled his finger out under pressure and stuck two within a metre, then survived a huge challenge from Crawshaw skip Wilko, who only just missed drawing shot with his first bowl, then his last bowl (The final shot of the game) missed sitting Scotty’s shot bowl by a Maxwell Smart, and the Buffs held on for a win that never looked like occurring until it did.

A tough blow for Crawshaw, who were also deprived of Graeme on Wednesday morning due to an unfortunate case of not charging his leg overnight… he should’ve just tried turning it off and on again.

Macatac continue to rise up the ladder, now sitting in 4th place after Week 4 thanks to defeating the free-falling Verse 1 in straight sets on Synthetic Rink 8 (6-2 6-5), as former Top Shots regular (And Manning Darts regular) Gordon joined Mick and Ronni for the night, but he couldn’t quite land a couple of much-needed 180s, mainly because this was a game of bowls and not darts, and so Verse 1 were out-matched by the Maccers.

It took the Fremantle Dockers a whole season to fall from 1st to 16th… it took Verse 1 a mere fortnight.

Rock N Bowl (Minus team manager Belinda) got into 6th place on the ladder thanks to a tiebreak win against B Cups 2 on Synthetic Rink 1, a game that began with Rock N Bowl winning the 1st Set 9-5, but the game came to life when the B Cups jumped out to a 6-0 lead after 3 ends of the 2nd Set, then Rock N Bowl picked up a 3 on their 2nd Set powerplay to tie the set at 6-6, but the B Cups won the last end to win the set…

But after that, the Rocking bowlers won the tiebreak and claimed bragging rights, but it wasn’t all bad news for Lisa’s team, as the B Cups 2 got out of the Bottom 4 thanks to those 2 points.

The CDs returned to the winners’ circle with a straight sets win against Salty Bowls on Synthetic Rink 5, although the 4 points were hard-earned, needing 2 shots on the last end to win the 1st Set 6-3, then they trailed 1-4 with an end to play, but rattled off 4 shots on the last end to take all 4 points, a result that pumped the CDs up 7 positions into 7th on the ladder, while Salty Bowls continue to struggle this season, and seem all but certain to be competing in the Wooden Spoon match in Week 6.

And to Nat and Helen of the CDs, using words that they’ll understand quite well, that’s the way it’s going to be, little darling.

After avoiding a tiebreak in a win last week, Ten Pin were back in familiar territory this week as they split the sets with Ebowla Bad, Ibowla Good on Grass Rink 2, but this time around the tiebreak veterans were on the right end of a tiebreak result with a one-end shootout victory, a result that was achieved thanks to smuggling in the 2nd Set 5-4 with 2 shots on the final end, which came despite blowing their powerplay on the previous end, and following that, Peter, Deb and guest ring-in Greg got the result against Ben and the team.

Ten Pin are appropriately up to 10th on the ladder, with EBIG not far behind in 12th, although Ten Pin may not have the services of Coral for the remainder of the season due to an injury, and it would be an absolute travesty if we lost one of the few remaining original players in Manning Jack Attack.

B Cups 1 pulled off a rather surprising win against Bowl Movements on Synthetic Rink 2, as Sharyn and the softballers won the 1st Set 5-3 with 3 shots on the last end, which was slightly better to watch than the 1st End in which 4 bowls stayed on the rink, followed by forcing a 3-3 draw in the 2nd Set by holding 1 shot on the final end, a result that jumps B Cups 1 up from 16th to the unfamiliar confines of 11th on the ladder, while Bowl Movements are only 1 point behind, albeit in 15th.

It begs the question, with this sudden up-turn in form for the B Cups, why didn’t Sharon dump the Stop Drop & Bowl name earlier… it was obviously weighing them to the wooden spoon like a boat anchor.

And the lucky last result of the week was one of the great wins of the season, as new kids Holding Shots finally got a win in Manning Jack Attack against the downtrodden Pepperjacks on Synthetic Rink 4, a game that started with Holding Shots rocketing out of the blocks to win the 1st Set 14-3 (They were 14-0 ahead) thanks to holding 4 (8) on a powerplay, Alex and the Pepperjacks fought back and won the 2nd Set 7-4 to force the tiebreak, but with a maiden victory in sight, Corinne from Holding Shots stepped up and landed the winning shot no more than a bowl’s width in front of the jack, a quality shot that’d win most in the lower grades of Saturday pennants, and thanks to that shot, Corinne, Naomi and Maurice can now attest that alcohol tastes better when you win.

Unfortunately for young Alex, he’s now gunning for a spot in the wooden spoon game so he can win the toilet roll for finishing second last.

So that was Week 4, and we’ll see an interesting first in Week 5… a game played a DAY EARLY, which will be a derby between Macatac and Chiko Bowls, due to what I believe is a Christmas dinner at Como Bowling Club.

Results

Grass 1: Buffed Helmets (3pts -1) defeated Crawshaw CC (2pts +1), 3/5 6/5 1/0 in the tiebreak

Grass 2: Ten Pin (3pts -2) defeated Ebowla Bad, Ibowla Good (2pts +2), 2/5 5/4 1/0 in the tiebreak

Grass 3: Chiko Bowls (4pts +10) defeated Sausage Bowls, 11/2 5/4

Grass 4: Bowling Stones (3pts +4) defeated Manning Up (1pt -4), 6/2 6/6

Synthetic 1: Rock N Bowl (3pts +2) defeated B Cups 2 (2pts -2), 9/5 6/8 2/0 in the tiebreak

Synthetic 2: B Cups 1 (3pts +2) defeated Bowl Movements (1pt -2), 5/3 3/3

Synthetic 3: Bowled Guys (4pts +17) defeated Great Bowls of Fire, 11/1 8/1

Synthetic 4: Holding Shots (3pts +8) defeated Pepperjacks (2pts -8), 14/3 4/7 1/0 in the tiebreak

Synthetic 5: CDs (4pts +4) defeated Salty Bowls, 6/3 5/4

Synthetic 6: Rip It Up (3pts +11) defeated Unbelievabowls (1pt -11), 13/2 4/4

Synthetic 7: Shapes (3pts +2) defeated Norfolk Enchants (2pts -2), 5/6 7/4 1/0 in the tiebreak

Synthetic 8: Macatac (4pts +5) defeated Verse 1, 6/2 6/5

Ladder

Captain’s Comments

Scott, Buffed Helmets: “Didn’t get one close until the last end of the night… diamonds form under pressure, that’s my cup of tea.”

Wilko, Crawshaw CC: “Two old blokes are sitting on a park bench, and one of them asks ‘Would you rather have Parkison’s or Alzheimer’s?’… the other one replies ‘I’d rather spill a bit than forget where the bottle is.”

Todd, Great Bowls of Fire: “Who asked for this derby, Jonesy left halfway through he was that disgusted… he should get the arse!”

Brad, Rip It Up: “Good to have the presence of the best player in the Hoskin household, and Mat.”

Peter, Shapes: “We got a science lesson from Decca about clouds and sunshine affecting the green… he was very passionate, but he sounded like he didn’t quite understand what he was talking about.”

Alex, Bowl Movements: “I didn’t have a wrong bias, but there was one bowl that may as well have been because it was so tight it cut across 4 rinks… if the green didn’t end, it would’ve finished in the car park.”

Nat, CDs: “Spread the word, the CDs are back!”

John, Manning Up: “I think the word violence needs to be included… Phil was punched behind play, Brent was elbowed, it was a clearly a strategy to play the man and not the bowl… after our bruising experience, we encourage other teams to adopt a harder edge against the Bowling Stones.”