And now, over to Jerry Stiller:

Welcome newcomers, the tradition of Festivus begins, WITH THE AIRING OF GRIEVANCES!

I’VE GOT ALOTTA PROBLEMS WITH YOU PEOPLE, AND NOW YOU’RE GOING TO HEAR ABOUT IT!

YOU, CUMMINS, MY SON TELLS ME YOUR TOP ORDER STINKS!

Quiet Marnus, you’ll get yours in a minute.

CUMMINS, YOU COULDN’T SMOOTH A SILK SHEET IF YOU HAD A HOT DATE WITH A BABE…

I lost my train of thought.