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In golf, people traditionally describe Round 3/Saturday at any tournament to be ‘Moving Day’, which is a term that also applies to Week 5 at Manning Jack Attack, because it’s the last chance for hopeful teams to get themselves in the Money Games (Typically 1st through to 6th) taking place in Week 6, when the Greatest Social Bowls Competition between Manning Road and the Canning River reaches its climax.

Other than that, the important news is that the Finals format for this season has been sorted out, and will be run as detailed:

1st vs 2nd, 3rd vs 4th and 5th vs 6th (aka the Money Finals) will have their own rinks and be decided in the traditional Jack Attack format of 2 sets of 5 ends, with the tiebreak if required

7th through to 21st will be played in the three team round robin format for this season, in ladder order as we typically do for the final week, with the Wooden Spoon and Close to Crap award being decided by the round robin between 19th, 20th and 21st.

Other than that, it was still hoodie weather on the first Wednesday of the summer, as the southwesterly breeze was a constant all night as it never got beyond 18 degrees Celsius… to think it was 38 degrees on Monday.

Overall Night

Week 5 always promises carnage and that’s exactly what we got, with the entire order of the Top 6 from Week 5 changing around, and the teams from 7th to 10th, who all had a chance of making the Top 4, all wound up scoring a big fat duck egg – All of them.

Starting off the top, and finishing as minor premiers for this season with a big result on Rink 5 are the Buffed Helmets, who started the night in 3rd place and facing Rock N Bowl (4th) and the Top Shots (8th), but with the full crew back after last week’s Harold Holt style disappearance, the Helmets dusted off Rock N Bowl 7-1 first up, which took Rock N Bowl out of Top 4 contention, then in the last game to finish on Wednesday night they played the Top Shots and pitched an 11-0 shutout to claim all 5 points, with that bonus point getting them into top spot, and the +17 shot margin also netted them 3rd place on the night.

So the Summer 2023 champions are back in the Grand Final, and facing off against them will be our defending champions Manning Up, who damn near blew it on Rink 2 as they were in a duel with Shapes to get into the decider, with the Crawshaw residents (Featuring Disorderly Decca and Wilko back to join Graeme and Malcolm) the apparent cannon fodder, and they looked like it as Shapes won the first game 6-3 against Wilko’s characters, then the second game produced the surprise of the night as Manning Up jumped to an early 4-0 lead, then Crawshaw went on a tear and picked up 7 shots in 3 ends, then held Manning Up to 1 on the last end to win 7-5, which turned the Manning Up-Shapes game into the equivalent of a Preliminary Final, as the bonus point would be the difference between a decider and playing for bronze…

As it played out, with the game, rink and Grand Final spot on the line, Manning Up jumped out to a 6-0 lead and stifled the Shapes’ powerplay, and they led 6-1 with an end to play, which left Shapes needing to hold 3 on the final end to jump Manning Up on shots up to get the bonus point, and after Peter landed his first bowl for shot, Trav got a close second that the Shapes couldn’t dislodge, and thus Manning Up got the win 6-2, which left all 3 teams on 3 wins, but Manning Up would get the bonus point on shots up (+2, Shapes on -1, Crawshaw on -1), elevating them above the Shapes and giving them a Grand Final spot on shot variance.

So the 3rd vs 4th game will feature the aforementioned Shapes against 3rd placed Jackarena, who were the big winners of Moving Day in the Rink 6 showdown against Great Bowls of Fire and Ebowla Bad, Ibowla Good, which started off with EBIG against the Great Bowls, which came down to a big final end powerplay with the Great Bowls leading 6-3, only for EBIG to lock in and make 8 on the powerplay and win 11-6, which took the Great Bowls out of Top 4 contention, then Jackarena came on and immediately put themselves in a hole when Todd, Jonesy and Alphabet picked up 5 on the 1st End, but that was the only end the Great Bowls won as Jackarena won the next 4 ends to win the game 7-5, which set up the grand showdown against EBIG to get into the Top 4…

In that decider, EBIG had a good start as young Xavier played a weighted shot and made 3 on the 3rd End when he got a rub and kicked the jack into the open, but once again Alex and company knuckled down and picked up 2 to cut the score back to 4-3, and they needed 2 to win the section given the shots difference in favour of EBIG…

And wouldn’t you know it, they picked up 2, won the game 5-4 to win the rink and jump to 3rd, the best finish for any of Alex’s teams in Jack Attack, and they did everything right to have a shot at a Grand Final spot, and the only thing that tipped them out was the Buffed Helmets matching them with 5 points.

The 5th vs 6th game will feature the aforementioned Rock N Bowl against Ebowla Bad, Ibowla Good, as Rock N Bowl overcame losing to the Buffed Helmets to defeat the Top Shots in 11-3 in the second game on Rink 5, which got them into 5th spot, and it was a similar tale for EBIG as the first win against the Great Bowls got them clear of a countback for 6th, which they would’ve lost on shot variance.

And the last important fixture next week – The Wooden Spoon and Close To Crap will be decided in a round robin between the Unbelievabowls, Salty Bowls and Rip It Up… may the best team win the toilet roll.

Finishing off the results for Week 5:

It was a countback to decide the weekly winner as both the Bowled Guys and Norfolk Enchants had big nights with 2 wins and +20 shots, but the countback for 1st overall went to the Bowled Guys 9-8 on ends won, and the chrome dome team were finally at full strength for the first time this year (Bruce, Jamie, Jason, Rede and Craig) and the Bowled Guys were the pick of the lot on Rink 7, which featured 3 blowouts as the Unbelievabowls (With former CDs captain Helen helping out) burned Sausage Bowls 14-0 in the first game, then the Bowled Guys took down the Unbelievabowls 11-3, and the last game was the sealer as Bruce and co. handed the Sausages a 12-0 shutout, giving Ellen, Trudy and Andy the ignominy of beingshutout twice.

However, it was brought to my attention that Half Price had mistakenly sent Sausage Bowls to Rink 2 when they were on Rink 7, a move that apparently unsettled the Sausage Bowlers and explained the performance… as repayment for his error, Half Price agreed to double Sausage Bowls’ scores in both games.

On another note, the Bowled Guys’ turnaround has been nothing short of remarkable, as they sat in 19th after Week 3, and finished up 7th after Week 5, the best of the non-finalists… they really should practice more.

2nd placed Norfolk Enchants did their damage on Rink 1, winning 11-3 against B Cups 1, which was the lead in for the annual B Cups Derby, which featured some wild momentum swings as B Cups 1 held a full count of 6 (But didn’t call the powerplay), then the next end B Cups 2 responded by holding 5 without calling the powerplay… B Cups 1 went on to win 10-6, getting them out of wooden spoon contention, then Quinny and the Norfolkers returned to defeat B Cups 2 13-1, their best night of their comeback season, getting them out of the Bottom 6 on the ladder.

3rd overall was the aforementioned Buffed Helmets, while 4th overall went to Pepperjack Attack with 1.5 wins and +11 shots on Rink 4, which began with Ten Pin winning 6-3 against the depleted Rip It Up, who were without Brad and Carleen Coopes as they did a Christopher Skase and fled to Spain, forcing the Manning Rippers team to conscript some Canadians, then Pepperjack Attack let rip on the Rippers and won 12-1, putting Rip It Up into the wooden spoon game next week, and the decider against Ten Pin was a thriller, as Deb drew shot on the last end to force a 3-3 draw, but that was good enough for Mick, Peg, Ronni and Sally as they won the rink on shot variance (+11 and +2), which got them into the Top 10 on the ladder.

Unfortunately for Ten Pin, they were the first team all season to go unbeaten in both games and not win the rink.

And the last unmentioned result was Rink 2, which started with Blue Bowls defeating the Bowling Stones 7-1, then the Stones defeated Salty Bowls 8-4, but the final game did result in an upset as the Salties won their second game of the season, defeating Blue Bowls 5-2 to jump off the bottom of the ladder, but not enough to give the Blue Bowls the bonus point on shot variance… it was later brought to my attention by Bruce from the Bowled Guys that Blue Bowls leaders Brad and Josh were both in Narrogin this week, which explains the sudden improvement.

Finally, this week’s scientific study of the rink winners; 2 played the first and third games (Norfolk Enchants & Buffed Helmets), and the remaining 5 played the second and third games… it’s the first time all season that a team hadn’t won a rink playing the first and second games.

Results

Rink 1 (Won by Norfolk Enchants): Norfolk Enchants defeated B Cups 1 11-3, B Cups 1 defeated B Cups 2 10-6, Norfolk Enchants defeated B Cups 2 13-1

Rink 2 (Won by Blue Bowls): Blue Bowls defeated Bowling Stones 7-1, Bowling Stones vs Salty Bowls 8-4, Salty Bowls defeated Blue Bowls 5-2

Rink 3 (Won by Manning Up): Shapes defeated Crawshaw CC 6-3, Crawshaw CC defeated Manning Up 7-5, Manning Up defeated Shapes 6-2

Rink 4 (Won by Pepperjack Attack): Ten Pin defeated Rip It Up 5-2, Pepperjack Attack defeated Rip It Up 12-1, Pepperjack drew with Ten Pin 3-3

Rink 5 (Won by Buffed Helmets): Buffed Helmets defeated Rock N Bowl 7-1, Rock N Bowl defeated Top Shots 11-3, Buffed Helmets defeated Top Shots 11-0

Rink 6 (won by Jackarena): Ebowla Bad, Ibowla Good defeated Great Bowls of Fire 11-6, Jackarena defeated Great Bowls of Fire 7-5, Jackarena defeated EBIG 5-4

Rink 7 (Won by Bowled Guys): Unbelievabowls defeated Sausage Bowls 14-0, Bowled Guys defeated Unbelievabowls 11-3, Bowled Guys defeated Sausage Bowls 12-0

Ladder

Captain’s Comments

Alex, Jackarena: “We did our job, points all round, gave away a start both games so it was too close for comfort”

Trudy, Sausage Bowls “We hit two white bowls and not a prize.”

Andy, in reply: “You’re a racist!”

Quinny, Norfolk Enchants: “It’ll be good to have Tim back from injury for the final week… we might make him pay for the pleasure of playing.”

Bruce, Bowled Guys: “It’s taken a while to get going but we got there eventually.”

Rede, Bowled Guys: “Building some good momentum for next season… we should practice more.”

Peggy, Pepperjack Attack: “We gave our winnings to Plugger the Pig… we fed the pig!”

Graeme, Crawshaw CC: “Did you know that today is the day of the disabled and I didn’t get a 10% discount… should’ve had it added to our score!”

Half Price on Crawshaw: “Decca was absent for 3 weeks and he was Crawshaw’s best and fairest 3 weeks in a row.”

Mark, Manning Up: “I’d like to say I helped with the downfall of Shapes… played them last week with the Buffed Helmets and we won, and this week back with Manning Up and won to cost them a grand final spot – Sometimes being altruistic results in a good outcome, karma is your friend”

Bruce, talking about the Blue Bowls: “Brad and Josh were both in Narrogin and it showed in the improvement from the Blue Bowls”

Scotty, Buffed Helmets: “Coming home with a wet sail. Look forward to holding the trophy next week. Go the Helmets!”