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‘Twas the last Wednesday of Summer, which meant it was time for Week 4 of Manning Jack Attack, and it was the Country Week Eve edition of Jack Attack, being held the night before the Welcome Fours, which is the biggest annual event at Manning (In terms of both people and bar sales), and the Welcome Fours is a spectacular showcase of country bowlers from all 3 corners of WA ahead of Country Week kicking off on Friday, featuring 190+ bowlers using all 4 greens of the club (A grand total of 26 rinks), giving the club an excuse to subject people to the torture of playing on B Green… although that was only after the rain we copped on Thursday morning which slowed the grass down.

The Greens Committee were robbed of so many compliments.

Still, this year’s Country Week is a big one for Manning, given we had the Welcome Fours on Thursday, a Friday night Premier League game that combined with Chase the Ace and a $20 roast dinner night, and we’ll also be hosting the Country Week knockouts during the week and the Country Week Finals on the first Friday of March….

I can confirm the bar takings on Thursday and Friday were greater than the GDP of Tasmania.

The Spider Challenge II

Link to the replay of the Week 4 Spider Challenge

This week’s edition of the Spider Challenge once again featured the jack getting driven out the back and away from the nest of bowls, this time courtesy of a direct hit from one of the B Cups ladies, and somehow it wasn’t clouted again by an oncoming black bowl, which would’ve made things really interesting:

So the jack finished up in the ditch up the southern end, and after some conjecture about what happened to the bowl that had moved the jack (Turns out it was nowhere near it), we gave the win to Peter from Crawshaw, with his teammate Graeme making it a very rare 1-2 in a Spider Challenge, and the good news for Peter is that we will NOT be voiding those results.

Also, if you want to see what Graeme’s shirt says:

And of course, you wouldn’t expect to find Graeme capsized too many times, given he is a Paralympic Gold Medalist in Sailing.

The Overall Night

The ladder has once again been given a mighty shake-up, even as the ladder leaders have locked in a Grand Final spot, with 6 teams now tied on 11 points in the race for 3rd, 12th is only 1 point behind 3rd, and the team as far down as 16th has a realistic chance of making the Top 6.

Starting off the top, the overall winners for Week 4 were the Unbelievabowls, who became the latest team to beat up on the poor old Saxons with a straight sets 18-shot win (14-1 6-1) on Synthetic Rink 5, and the positive for the Saxons is that they did at least register on the scoreboard this week, even as they now sit last on the ladder, which is where the Unbelievabowls were after the end of the last season, but their excellent turnaround now sees them sitting in 4th on the ladder after Week 4.

2nd overall went to the Buffed Helmets, who nailed both their power plays to power on to a straight sets 15-shot win (9-1 10-3) against the CDs on Synthetic Rink 6, and while the CDs were busy chatting about Jeffery Epstein and Prince Andrew, the Helmets were sending down some haymakers, especially on the last end of the game as they led 6-3 having stifled the powerplay, then on their own powerplay Carry started off the final end by landing one, then former captain Scotty played one of the best bowls of the season, missing a short bowl by an inch and finishing on the jack… they survived 2 drives by Helen, and those 4 shots got them into 2nd to claim the $30.

The Helmets have also rocketed back up the ladder, going from 9th to 3rd and leading a peloton on 11 points, while the CDs are currently in the Close to Crap position… Marg the schoolteacher will be issuing detentions for Kelly and Helen.

3rd Overall went to Grand Final bound Manning Up, who clearly haven’t forgotten that Grand Final they lost to the Great Bowls of Fire in 2022 as they defeated Todd, Jonesy and Alphabet in straight sets by 9 shots (11-1 5-3) on Grass Rink 3, and despite having 2 players out, team micromanager John once again wasn’t required to bowl, thanks in part to Mitchell Trophy candidate Fabulous Phil delivering another rock solid performance alongside Brent and Trav, as they whipped the Great Bowls 11-1 in the 1st Set, but the 2nd Set wasn’t as clear cut, with the Great Bowls leading 3-0 after 3 ends, only for Manning Up to get the shot on the 4th End, and with their customary last end powerplay, needing 1 shot to seal the game, Brent and Trav went one better and got him 2 to make 4 and win the 2nd Set outright, which also means Manning Up have made more history – They are the first team in the history of Manning Jack Attack to qualify for a Grand Final before Week 5.

The game also featured one of the great sledges from Half Price to Todd, after Todd missed consecutive drives by well over a metre:

“Hey Todd, are you playing tonight?“

4th overall went to the formerly last placed Rock N Bowl, who leapt off the bottom with a straight sets 9-shot win (6-3 8-2) against Pepperjack Attack on Grass Rink 2, and this week Rock N Bowl were short-handed, so Half Price rescinded Macca’s ‘ban’ and allowed him to play left handed for Rock N Bowl alongside his darling bride Belinda and Jodie, and Mick, Peg and Ronni were subsequently left tasting the tread marks from the karma bus after they used Macca in Week 2, with Rock N Bowl never trailing at any stage of the game to escape the dreaded Jack Attack cellar, while Pepperjack Attack fell out of the Top 10.

Also, you will notice that the Top 4 teams all descended in 3s… I guess Blind Melon were right about 3 being the magic number.

Finishing off the Week 4 results:

Jack Hughman are the only team that can deny Manning Up the minor premiership as they prevailed in a tiebreak against the Bowled Guys on Synthetic Rink 7, with the game featuring a massive momentum swing as the Bowled Guys won the 1st Set 6-2, then the Hughies nailed their 2nd set powerplay to pick up 8 and go on to win the set 12-2 to force the tiebreak, and Norm’s team carried the momentum to the end and picked up 2 shots to complete the win against Bruce, Jamie and Rede, as the Bowled Guys’ season sinks into the Canning River, and the amazing part is despite being in 2nd on 14 points, Norm’s still aren’t a mathematical certainty to finish in the Top 6.

Jack Hughman were also going to be in a bit of danger with Norm unavailable this coming Wednesday… but it appears they might pick up a massive Get Out Of Jail card with Country Week knockouts coming in to disrupt our season.

B Cups 1 and the Blue Bowls had a highly competitive game on Grass Rink 1, which featured at least 4 measurements from certified umpire JT, and all told the Blue Bowls were left with an itch as they blew the 1st Set on the final end by dropping a 6 on a powerplay to lose it 4-7, then the 2nd Set was a convincing 6-2 win to force the tiebreak, and unfortunately for Brad and the team they didn’t realise the B Cups ladies are the tiebreak queens of this season, as they made it 3 tiebreak wins from as many games, which leaves them in 5th place and right in contention for a finals spot, while the Blue Bowls missed the chance to sit in outright 3rd, and instead are right behind in 6th as part of the 11-point peloton.

Ten Pin returned to normalcy as they featured in yet another tiebreak after last week’s cold, uncomfortable feeling of not playing one (They had a set win and a draw), this time splitting the sets with the Top Shots in a fairly low scoring game (6-1 2-4) on Grass Rink 4, which was also a big improvement for the Top Shots after losing by 15 shots last week, but this time around Peter, Deb and Jack got the job done, with the tiebreak point helping them join in that aforementioned 11-point peloton.

Shapes against Jackadder was the 3rd vs 4th Final last season, and it had a major bearing on the Top 6 of this season as Jackadder (Featuring a cameo from Alex’s mate Nick) needed to win to stay in the Top 4, while the Shapes had to win to keep in touch with the Top 6, and the game would feature some rather violent momentum swings as Jackadder started out with a comfortable 9-2 set win, then the Shapes ripped back and produced a 10-1 2nd Set to save their variance and force the tiebreak, and in a tense one-end shootout the Shapes survived Richard’s customary big last bowls to win the tiebreak, which only got them to 11th, albeit 1 point behind 3rd, while Jackadder slipped to 7th, which also forced me to use the rarely-seen ladder countback system as they were level on points and shots with Blue Bowls, who were ranked ahead with 2 straight sets wins against Jackadder’s 1.

There was also a mysterious photo sent in after the night was over, claiming to have evidence of a MYSTERTIOUS SHAPES TEAM MEETING in the carpark:

We have sent it to the X-Files to confirm our long-held suspicion that Peter is an extraterrestrial.

Having swept the Spider Challenge, Crawshaw’s ascent up the ladder continued as they’ve now gone from 24th to 12th in 2 weeks, this time around defeating the Sausage Bowls in straight sets (5-3 7-4) on Synthetic Rink 1, as the 1st Set was a well-fought contest in which Crawshaw denied the Sausage Bowls (With Ellen back doing the scoring) a draw by getting 2nd Shot on the Sausages powerplay, then the 2nd Set was a missed chance as the Sausages got 4 on the first end without using the powerplay, and they were made to pay as Crawshaw won every remaining end to win the set 7-4.

Of course, Crawshaw kept changing things up this week, with Peter back to join Graeme and the good captain Wilkinson, and we also saw the return of the man who once asked a Premier League bowler if they inhaled or exhaled before they bowled…

DISORDERLY DECCA.

Trudy and the Sausages never stood a chance.

Ebowla Bad, Ibowla Good are yet another team making a massive rise up the ladder, going from 23rd after Week 2 to 9th after Week 4, as they backed up last week’s 1st placing by defeating the Salty Bowls in straight sets on Synthetic Rink 2, winning a tight 1st Set 5-4 after starting off with a 5-0 lead, then the regular crew of Ben, Lee, Xavier and Dave pulled away and won the 2nd Set 8-3 to claim all 4 points, and not only are EBIG now only 1 point off the finals places, they have the 2nd-best variance in the competition behind Manning Up, and given it looks like the Top 6 spots will be decided by For/Against, that’s a massive trump card to have.

B Cups 2 made it both B Cups teams in the Top 10 as they got on top of the Gutter Girls in a tiebreak on Synthetic Rink 4, and after the 1st Set it looked like the B Cups 2 might back up their big win last week as they scored big and won the set 12-6, but the Gutter Girls stayed out of the ditch long enough to turn the 2nd Set into an arm wrestle and win it 4-2 to force the tiebreak, but the B Cups held on and got the win, which leaves them within striking distance of the Top 6 on 10 points, while Mrs Half Price still hasn’t been able to enjoy a win in Manning Jack Attack, but the good news is the Gutter Girls are currently winning enough sets to avoid the wooden spoon game.

And the last game to report on for this week, and I seem to have made a bad habit of leaving them for lucky last, was the Bowling Stones game against the Trench Wenches on Synthetic Rink 3, another closely-fought contest as the Wenches won the 1st Set 6-2, but for the second week running the Stones sent the game to a tiebreak by winning the 2nd Set, this time winning it 8-2 to finish ahead on variance, and after losing the tiebreak last week, Tiff and the ladies turned the tables and claimed the one end shootout, and the Stones are now in the comfortable confines of 14th on the ladder, while the Trench Wenches appear to have done enough to avoid playing off for a wooden spoon in their debut season…

Although, I will note the Trench Wenches haven’t won a game since they changed their name from the Cloisters 6, even though it sounded like a menacing criminal organisation.

Results

Grass

Rink 1: B Cups 1 (3pts -1) defeated Blue Bowls (2pts +1), 7/4 2/6 1/0 in the tiebreak

Rink 2: Rock N Bowl (4pts +9) defeated Pepperjack Attack, 6/3 8/2

Rink 3: Manning Up (4pts +12) defeated Great Bowls of Fire, 11/1 5/3

Rink 4: Ten Pin (3pts +3) defeated Top Shots (2pts -3), 6/1 2/4 1/0 in the tiebreak

Rink 5: Shapes (3pts +2) defeated Jackadder (2pts -2), 2/9 10/1 1/0 in the tiebreak

Synthetic

Rink 1: Crawshaw CC (4pts +5) defeated Sausage Bowls, 5/3 7/4

Rink 2: Ebowla Bad, Ibowla Good (4pts +6) defeated Salty Bowls, 5/4 8/3

Rink 3: Bowling Stones (3pts +2) defeated Trench Wenches (2pts -2), 2/6 8/2 1/0 in the tiebreak

Rink 4: B Cups 2 (3pts +4) defeated Gutter Girls (2pts -4), 12/6 2/4 1/0 in the tiebreak

Rink 5: Unbelievabowls (4pts +18) defeated The Saxons, 14/1 6/1

Rink 6: Buffed Helmets (4pts +15) defeated CDs, 9/1 10/3

Rink 7: Jack Hughman (3pts +6) defeated Bowled Guys (2pts -6), 2/6 12/2 1/0 in the tiebreak

Ladder

For those curious about why Blue Bowls are ahead of Jackadder, this is our official criteria for ladder separation:

Points > Shots Up > 4-point results > 3-point results > 2-point results > 1-point results > Fewest defeats > Alphabetical order

Captain’s Comments

Wilko, Crawshaw CC: “What is a four letter word, with a small half in the middle”

John, Manning Up: “I Can’t get a game at the moment, tough getting back into a winning team, I might have to get a game for the Bowling Stones”

Peter, Ten Pin: “Of course it was a tiebreak!”

Scotty, Buffed Helmets: “Scratcher went to go meet someone in Kelmscott… he may never come back, he was in a rush!”

Norm, Jack Hughman: “Not here next week.. it’ll be a different story!”

Marg, CDs: “We were talking about the Epstein files, Prince Andrew and false nails.. we weren’t focused!”

Duncan Mac: “We should be voiding the results on the synthetic green… the light reading was only 80 when it should be 105”

Tres, B Cups 1: “Played for a cattle station and won it”

Also, some unfortunate news on our end – Myself and Half Price have made the call to postpone Week 5 due to Country Week knockouts at Manning limiting our access to D Green on Wednesday night…

So we will be BACK for Week 5 on March 11.