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Before we begin, a big thanks to the following people for their work throughout the season – Richard ‘Half’ Price, the Simon to this Garfunkel, the entire bar staff for enduring copious amounts of hours cleaning pints and wine glasses, Alison Millington and her crew of kitchen volunteers, Dangerous Dave Nester for allowing us to use D Green, AJ Heal for his bar vouchers throughout this season, and to our various assistants (Led by Adam Mac) for their general assistance with all things bowls!

They say all good things must come to an end, and that was exactly the case down at Manning Memorial as the Summer 2026 edition of Manning Jack Attack reached Finals Week, bringing a close to what has been another competitive edition of the Greatest Social Bowls Competition Between Manning Road and the Canning River, and if there’s a better Jack Attack competition in Australia, then I haven’t bothered looking at it.

In case you’re unaware of the format, Finals Week is very simple – The major prize money finals are 1st vs 2nd (Jack Hughman vs Manning Up), with the winners earning a place on the coveted Manning Jack Attack trophy, although we actually hadn’t updated it to include any of Manning Up’s victories, and as is tradition we also had 3rd vs 4th (Jackadder vs Ten Pin), plus 5th vs 6th (Shapes vs Buffed Helmets), and a change this year was that the traditional Close To Crap/Wooden Spoon game was scrapped in favour of deciding the two least coveted awards by using the old fashioned methods of total points and shots for/against after Week 6, and I will say thanks to our master engraver John McGinn who has updated the Wooden Spoon to include last season’s winners The Unbelievabowls:

Very well done as always, John, and the Close To Crap award winners were once again awarded a roll of two-ply toilet paper that we stole from the men’s bathroom, because as the old saying goes when you finish last you’re crap, and if you finish second-last you’re close to crap, and the one thing that’s usually close to crap is toilet paper.

Of course, another great result for Manning Jack Attack occurred on Wednesday morning as our kitchen master Alison Millington finally got to play in a Manning Memorial pennant-winning team, winning the 1st Division Green South flag against Warnbro at Cambridge on Wednesday morning, and it was a big effort from the ladies as they lost by 1 shot against Warnbro at Manning on Monday, buttered up and won the Preliminary Final against Melville, then went to Cambridge for the rematch against Warnbro on Wednesday and belted them so thoroughly (70-29) the game was called off 5 ends early, and after a performance like that Ali was given a well-earned night off to end the season:

A harsh reminder that premierships aren’t won in Semi Finals… just ask the Manning Saturday Premier League team that lost the Grand Final on Sunday.

And to add the caviar, we had two more Jack Attack graduates win a pennant flag for Manning on the last Saturday of the season, as Kelsey Swanton (Formerly of The Lenny’s) and Justin Rowling (Who won the title with Norfolk Enchants in the Spring 2023 comp) played in Manning’s 4th Division Pennant flag, achieving the great satisfaction of being so far ahead on the aggregate (90-65) against Hilton Park that the game finished 2 ends early.

See, they still won more titles than I did this year.

Plugger The Pig Donations

Once Alison had recovered from her hangover she did the count for the Plugger The Wrong Bias Pig donations, and thanks to our big donation drive during the presentation, I’m pleased to report that Plugger got a big fattening and that the final count for this season was $296.85, which is the best total we’ve ever had for Plugger, and Alison decided to round it up to an even $300 when the donation was made to the Cancer Council.

A fantastic result and well done to everyone who either paid for their wrong bias sins during the season, or dug deep on the last night and helped out.

Oink oink.

The Spider Challenge

The replay of the Week 6 Spider Challenge

Before the Spider Challenge we got the chance to give our Manning Division 1 Green South ladies a lap of honour for winning their pennant final today at Cambridge, similar to what we did 2 years ago when the ladies won 2 flags on the last Wednesday:

And once the ladies were done, we experienced a historical first for the Spider Challenge as following the first botched attempt at the Spider, we had to invoke the ancient rule of MULLIGANS and have a second Spider Challenge, given it was such a shambles that once the jack was smashed to the northern ditch, we couldn’t call a winner…

So after sorting out where all the bowls went everyone loaded up again, and once again the jack was smashed again, this time straight to the southern ditch, but thankfully it was a bit easier to measure as Scotty from the Buffed Helmets had been smashed by two bowls during the course of the Spider and had gone from tracking to the southwest corner to the southeast corner and getting the shot, with the runner-up spot going to Amanda from the Unbelievabowls, and I think this makes Scotty one of the few people to ever win a Spider Challenge and the old Corner to Corner.

After that, it was on to the Grand Finale.

The Overall Night

Outside of the Top 6, the fixture is typically based on the teams in preceding ladder order playing each other, although we do try and avoid repeat fixtures outside of the Top 6, and as mentioned in the introduction, the Wooden Spoon/Close to Crap game was taken out due to at least 6 teams having a realistic shot at winning the Wooden Spoon and the 23rd-placed toilet roll, so they would be decided by the traditional method of points and shots for/against, and as it turned out, the team in fourth-last before the night was the one who got the spoon.

As such with ladder-based fixturing, you also do often see mismatches as teams that had ‘easier’ draws play teams with harder draws, and as such we had 7 games (Out of 12) with margins greater than 10 shots, 3 others were straight sets wins to make it a record 10/12 straight sets results on the night, and we only had 1 tiebreak on the night, which was the fewest amount we’ve had all season, and just about an all-time record for the fewest tiebreaks in a night…

Even then, the two teams involved in that tiebreak damn near didn’t play it.

Now, the most important result of the night, the Champions of Challenger Avenue for Summer 2026…

Completing a historic threepeat, Manning Up!

It turns out that mulligan last week was put to good use, as the Manning micromanagers returned team captain John McGinn to the lineup as a lead and jumped last week’s victors Jack Hughman (Or Jack Hughmans) with a 10/0 1st Set win, then the Hughies came to the table and made a game of it by leading 3/5 after 3 ends of the 2nd Set, but Manning Up got the shot on the penultimate end to cut it to 4/5, leaving them with the simple equation of needing to hold the shot on the last end to win the title, which did make their last end powerplay somewhat redundant as it simply meant they’d win the set outright if they held shot…

As it played out, John got his first bowl within a foot, which put the pressure on Dave and Kim from Jack Hughman to which they couldn’t find a reply, then Fabulous Phil’s last bowl of the season added a second shot to make it even harder for Norm to draw the shot, so he fired down two drives which both failed to make an impact, handing Manning Up 4 shots on the powerplay to win the set outright 8/5, capping off a Three-peat that will rank alongside the all-time memorable hat-tricks, like WA’s Sheffield Shield team of 2022-24, the 2013-15 Hawthorn teams, the Manning Tuesday Ladies Premier League team that won 10 consecutive flags from 2015 to 2024, the 2001-03 Brisbane Lions, and the 1982-84 Swan Districts teams.

Historic scenes, the first Three-peat in the history of Manning Jack Attack after becoming the only team to win back-to-back titles last season, and it is an achievement that will stand the test of time as Manning Up match the Great Bowls of Fire as 3-time champions.

And to cap it off, after a breakout season, Manning Up’s skip Fabulous Phil was named as this season’s Mitchell Trophy winner as the best & fairest player, breaking the mould of recent winners by being the outstanding player in the title-winning team, which I felt was well-earned as it seemed Phil made a big impact as a skip game after game, especially with Manning Up getting the toughest draw as the defending champions, to the point that team manager John was confined to the bench for several games, but indeed Phil was the winner ahead of Alex from Jackadder and Norm from Jack Hughman, and Phil promptly let the Bowling Stones who was the Best & Fairest winner, including a suggestion that we start up a competition called Jill Attack and that they rename themselves the Bowling Suffragettes.

On the other hand, a big congratulations to Jack Hughman (The team of Norm, Kim, Dave + Sue who couldn’t play on Wednesday night) on making the Grand Final in their debut season, a seldom achieved feat in Manning Jack Attack, and I will note that they were the only team to win a set against Manning Up, let alone defeat them this season, and it was also on Wednesday night that Norm finally revealed the story about how the unique name Jack Hughman came about:

“Where we got the name Jack Hughmans, before the season we had a beer and a wine at dinner, we hadn’t come up with a team name at that point, and Dave tells this story about how his wife Sue wanted to see a movie, and she spoke about an Australian actor named Jack Hughman, instead of Hugh Jackman.”

“It was a lightbulb moment – We became the Jack Hughmans!”

Both comedic and appropriate for a lawn bowls tournament, and a name that the team name master in Alex would admire.

Speaking of Alex, the 3rd vs 4th game saw Jackadder take on Ten Pin on Synthetic Rink 3, with Ten Pin having had their best seasonal performance since winning the Summer 2016 title, which was so long ago that Alex had only just entered middle school, but time was on the side of Jackadder as the former Jackarena team went one better than their 4th placing last season by winning in straight sets (12-3 8-6) and never trailing at any stage, bringing up Alex, Richard and Greg’s best ever performance in Manning Jack Attack across their 800 different team names.

It was also very good to see that Peter, Jack and Deb were able to get the ultimate Jack Attack veteran in Coral down to Manning for the night so that we could present her with her 10-year service award alongside Todd, Bruce and the other Ten Pin veterans of 2016:

The 5th vs 6th game had the Shapes playing the Buffed Helmets on Synthetic Rink 2, and after vaulting into 5th spot last week Shapes had momentum on their side going into the game, and with Peter back to join Tristan and Craig, the three amigos took on the Brady Bunch Buffs and never trailed, going on to win 7-2 5-2 to win the consolation game, while the Buffs made do with 6th, which marked another Top 6 finish for both teams after they had finished in 3rd (Shapes) and 2nd (Buffs) last season respectively, and it marked the end of another eventful season for the Buffs as they learned that Carry was taking weekly dance lessons at Manning… explains why he didn’t play on Wednesday night.

Of course, the other important series of results for the night was the race for the toilet roll and the Wooden Spoon, and this is how it played out:

Rock N Bowl got a reprieve with the change in format, because after being dead last after Week 5, Belinda’s team pulled themselves off the bottom of the ladder at the last possible moment as they defeated the Gutter Girls on Grass Rink 3, and it turned out to be a result that saved both teams as Rock N Bowl won the 1st Set 12/3, then led 5/3 in the 2nd Set with an end to play, but the Gutter Girls crew of Leanne (Mrs Half Price), Kath, Nadia and Wags saved themselves by salvaging a 5/5 draw – Rock N Bowl got enough points and shots up to escape the Bottom 2, and the point for Gutter Girls got them out of any danger with their poor shot variance.

I also noticed a cameo appearance from another No Hope Avenue stalwart in Ian ‘Chocco’ Walker, who was a member of the original Team Hope Manning Jack Attack team alongside Wags, Half Price and Merv Roberts back in 2016… usually the only time you can find Chocco at Manning is on a Tuesday afternoon, when our neighbour Wilson fleeces him out of $5 in their weekly winner take all game.

The next vital result was the Salty Bowls against The Saxons on Synthetic Rink 7, and with both teams needing a big result it was the Salties who started the better as they won the 1st Set 12/3, in which the Salties produced a massive 10 shots on a last end powerplay to win the set, which pretty much ensured their safety from the Bottom 2, however the game wasn’t done yet as The Saxons clawed their way back and won the 2nd Set 6/3, setting up what was the only tiebreak of Week 6, although the Saxons nearly forgot they still had to play that tiebreak, and setting up a nervous finish the Salties got the shot in the tiebreak, leaving the Saxons teetering on the brink as they were level on 9 points with the pack, but having the worst shot variance of any team in the comp…

But, as it turned out, it was enough for the Saxons to cling on for the CLOSE TO CRAP award, and Andrea was absolutely ecstatic to receive the toilet roll in their debut season, especially when panic buying starts next week when World War III kicks off.

So that means this season’s Wooden Spoon winners, thanks to their agonising straight sets defeat against the CDs on Grass Rink 5, are the Trench Wenches, who were fourth bottom after Week 5, but they paid dearly for failing to at least get a drawn set, as the CDs ladies ended a down season by avoiding any chance of a Bottom 2 finish thanks to winning the 1st Set 15/2, then led the 2nd Set 6/0 after 2 ends, having also stifled the Trench Wenches’ powerplay just to make things even harder, but even still the team coached by Fat Jack Jackson nearly pulled off a miracle, cutting it back to 6-2 with an end to play…

And they held 3 on the last end to lose the set 6/5… one more shot would’ve seen them grab that point and jump The Saxons on variance.

Finishing off the last results for Summer 2026:

There was another historic win on Wednesday night, as Sausage Bowls, fresh off a 26/0 shutout win last week, became the first team in the history of Manning Jack Attack to record consecutive shutout victories, which also gives them the record of most consecutive ends won (20), as the team of Trudi, Ellen and Andy defeated the Bowling Stones 19/0 overall (11/0 8/0), obtaining one of the more unique records you’ll find in Manning Jack Attack, and one that hadn’t occurred in 10 years until tonight.

If you win 20 consecutive ends in a pennant match you’re every chance of scoring the seldom seen 50 shots… for context, the combined score of Sausage Bowls over those 20 ends is a pretty decent 45/0.

It really was an awful night for the Stones… they get shut out, Manning Up win the title again, Phil wins the Best & Fairest, and even Brent gave them a drive-by.

Somehow, that result still wasn’t the biggest overall win of the night, because that went to the Great Bowls of Fire with their 21-shot win against B Cups 2 on Grass Rink 2 (10/1 13/1), and of course the one damn time Todd, Jonesy and Alphabet actually produce a big result it’s after the horses have bolted and they can’t get any money, and Todd later credited their turnaround to the fact that with Alison not running the kitchen, Half Price had to stump up and pay for Domino’s…

The thought of a free feed from Half Price will usually get anyone up and about, and it certainly did for Todd, and another highlight for our resident David Koch lookalike is that he also received his award for 10 years of Manning Jack Attack service alongside good mate Loose Bruce, and in addition to a bottle of wine they also received something that they’d both appreciate… a stubby of Jack Daniels & Cola and a can of Wild Turkey.

The second-biggest win on the night went to Ebowla Bad, Ibowla Good, who defeated Crawshaw in a 20-shot whipping on Synthetic Rink 1, and Crawshaw did win the first 2 ends of the night to lead 3/0, and led 4/2 with an end to play, but a devastating final end powerplay from EBIG saw them make 10 to win the set 12/4, and the 2nd Set was one way traffic as EBIG went on to win it 12/0, as Crawshaw’s night was so dour that I had to recycle one of Wilko’s old jokes to use in the Captain’s Comments, while Ben, Lee and Xavier claimed the coveted position of 9th, once the coveted number of the Richmond Football Club, although apparently that’s now 17th:

A few months after their name was engraved onto the Wooden Spoon, the Unbelievabowls finished off this season as the best of the rest in 7th place, defeating the Blue Bowls in straight sets on Synthetic Rink 5, and it was a game that saw Brad’s spirit torn from his body as the Blue Bowls picked up a 5 on the opening end of the game and still managed to lose the 1st Set, leading 6-1 with 2 ends to play before they gave up 6 on a powerplay to ultimately lose it 6/9, then Amanda, Katie, Georgina and Frea finished them off 6/3 to end the season on a very good note, having shot up 15 places on the ladder in a season, as the Blue Bowls still had a best-ever finish of 8th.

The Top Shots finished the season in the top half of the ladder as they defeated the B Cups 1 in straight sets on Grass Rink 1, although on the bright side for the B Cups they did pick up a few toucher vouchers available on the night, and the last toucher voucher of the season went to Gordon from the Top Shots, so in a way both teams had a fun old time and enjoyed themselves:

And the lucky last result of 2026 was the game between Pepperjack Attack and the Bowled Guys on Synthetic Rink 6, and with St Patrick’s Day occurring the day before Week 6, our resident Irishman Mick from Pepperjack Attack produced another almighty performance as he led yours truly on the annual Manning Darts St Pats Day pub crawl around the Perth CBD and Victoria Park, and I will note Half Price pulled out of that tour after he pulled up lame the day before…

Despite some concern that Mick may have consumed too many pints of Guinness to recover in time, it turned out to be a performance enhancer as Mick, Peg and Ronni produced a much-improved performance as they defeated the Bowled Guys (Rede, Jason, Jamie and Bruce) in straight sets, winning the 1st Set 4/3, then finishing off proceedings with a 9/1 win in the 2nd Set, which marked Pepperjack Attack’s first win since Week 2, and Mick celebrated with another pint of Guinness.

So in formal writing, this was the Top 4 for Week 6, although as is tradition they don’t get any money for their efforts in the final week:

1st: Great Bowls of Fire (4pts +21)

2nd: Ebowla Bad, Ibowla Good (4pts +20)

3rd: Sausage Bowls (4pts +19)

4th: CDs (4pts +14)

Results

Synthetic

Rink 1: Ebowla Bad, Ibowla Good (4pts +20) defeated Crawshaw CC, 12/4 12/0

Rink 2 (5th vs 6th): Shapes (4pts +8) defeated Buffed Helmets, 7/2 5/2

Rink 3 (3rd vs 4th) Jackadder (4pts +11) defeated Ten Pin, 12/3 8/6

Rink 4 (Grand Final): Manning Up (4pts +13) defeated Jack Hughman, 10/0 8/5

Rink 5: Unbelievabowls (4pts +6) defeated Blue Bowls, 9/6 6/3

Rink 6: Pepperjack Attack (4pts +9) defeated Bowled Guys, 4/3 9/1

Rink 7: Salty Bowls (3pts +6) defeated The Saxons (2pts -6), 12/3 3/6 1/0 in the tiebreak

Grass

Rink 1: Top Shots (4pts +11) defeated B Cups 1, 9/3 7/2

Rink 2: Great Bowls of Fire (4pts +21) defeated B Cups 2, 10/1 13/1

Rink 3: Rock N Bowl (3pts +9) defeated Gutter Girls (1pt -9), 13/4 5/5

Rink 4: Sausage Bowls (4pts +19) defeated Bowling Stones, 8/0 11/0

Rink 5: CDs (4pts +14) defeated Trench Wenches, 15/2 6/5

Ladder

Captain’s Comments

An old quote from Wilko, Crawshaw CC: “Would you rather have Alzheimer’s or Parkinson’s…. I know I’d rather spill a bit than forget the bottle.”

Belinda, Rock N Bowl: “Rock n Bowl have loved every season and the mid-week fun! Thank you so much Pricey and Jason for making it happen, we are already looking forward to the next one….and maybe climbing the ladder.”

Trudi, Sausage Bowls: “No fluke, two shutouts in a row, positivity works”

Marg, CDs: “It was such a nice game because we’re all Manning based… all we did was chat about manning, it was a lovely way to end the season”

Brent from Manning Up, talking to the Bowling Stones: “Seeya legends, bye losers!”

Coral, Ten Pin: “You did a good job there son”

Irene, Top Shots: “Thanks for all your hard work fellas!”

Tiff from the Bowling Stones, talking to Manning Up: “You guys must have a lot of money in your kitty”

Phil, Manning Up: “John just bought a boat actually”

John, Manning Up: “Tremendous comp, as always it takes one bowl going against you and the whole comp changes, like a bowl in Week 3 could’ve had us outside the Top 4”

Todd, Great Bowls of Fire: “I reckon if we had pizzas every week we’d play better!”

Bruce, Bowled Guys: “Another good season, thanks fellas”

Brad, Blue Bowls: “Great season, and didn’t pay my entry fee until after the season finished!”

Phil, Manning Up: “Well done to Jack Hughman, they did better than the Bowling Stones.”

So that was Manning Jack Attack, Summer 2026, here’s to another 10 years, and on behalf of Half Price and myself…