Lawn Bowls

Manning Jack Attack Review: Team Hope vs The Water Crew

Another epic night ahead at the Manning Bowling Club (Photo: Jason Titheradge)

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*THIS REPORT IS BASED ON WHAT I CAN REMEMBER

Note: Points are based on the set result- 2 points for a winning set (Also 2 points for winning the Tie Break), and 1 for a drawn set.


After a thrilling win over the Village Idiots to keep their season alive, Team Hope’s next opponent was a team I had never heard of until 6pm last night- The Water Crew, featuring Dave, Paul, Carlene. Cheryl (Shaz) and Eric.

Unfortunately, despite being named the Water Crew, their team did not feature former Eagles hardman Beau Waters.

Poor form, even the Village Idiots had Quinten Lynch.

As we have done all season, Team (No) Hope was in a three-person lineup, but we only found out during practice that Richard The Gardner had hurt his right wrist (His dominant side), getting the Hopers off to a flyer.

But he never used it as an excuse, so that was a 3-vote performance right there.

1st Set- Water Crew 5-3

The Don fires one down (Photo: Jason Titheradge)

The great start continued as myself and The Don sent our first bowls into the gutter on the first end, yet amazingly Team Hope led 1-nil thanks to Richard.

The set was all Waters from there, as they took the lead with by holding 2, then they held an arsey 1, then held another 1 on the Power Play to set up a 5-1 lead, meaning the Hopers had to hold at least 2 on the Power Play to get a drawn set.

Despite my shocking bowling, Don and Rich had us holding 2 with just one delivery to come, but Paul would put a fork in the set by cutting out the second holder, and the Waters took the first set 5-3, though the Hopers would have possession to start the next set.

The Team Hope bowling performance thus far could be described as a mix of dog crap and the Carlton Football Club, although some would say Carlton play like dog crap anyway.

2nd Set- Team Hope 11-5

The Water Crew made a few substitutions, as Carlene and Shaz were taken out and replaced with Eric (Who became lead) and Dave (Who bowled as the skip).

And just to make things tougher on us Hopers, the closest light tower to our rink failed as I prepared to start the set, sparking scenes similar to that night at Waverley Park in 1996 when the lights went out (This may be exaggerated).

So it turned out that as well as playing the Water Crew, Team Hope was also playing the Electricity Crew.

Was this Monopoly, or lawn bowls?

Since the Hopers weren’t prepared to bowl in the dark, it was a minor coincidence that the Water Crew led 3-nil after that first end, putting Team Hope in a huge hole and leaving me swearing like Kevin Rudd about how crap the night was.

But no thanks to Don and Rich (Who assured me it wasn’t over), the Hopers managed to win the next two short ends to tie the set at 3-all, as Dave’s skip bowling kept the scores close, leading to the Waters using a Power Play to try and take a decisive lead, which they did (Though only holding 1) with a 5-3 lead with an end to pay.

It’s fair to say the Hopers were bent over a barrel and begging for mercy- Yours truly was bowling like a cup of hot fat with a hair in it and leading the vote getters for the worst on ground, as the hopes of another Jack Attack Title frittered away.

All night long I just couldn’t bowl wide enough to allow the delivery to come back and finish close to the jack (For reference I use a Size 1, which for some reason have a heap of late bias), as if it were Warnie defying logic.

But a blessing in disguise came when Eric set up a long end on what should’ve been the final end of the match, and then sent both of his deliveries sailing wide or long.

By default my second bowl held, which was followed by Don bowling a beautiful pair of mollydookers to have the Hopers holding 2, and Dave’s rescue efforts were shallow, and the Hopers were back in the game.

Rich added the caviar by making it four on the Power Play to ensure a blowout 11-5 set win, setting up a tiebreak for the third consecutive week, but this time the Hopers had the momentum.

Tie Breaker- Team Hope 3-0

Yours truly set up another long end, and for the only time all night, I managed to pull the finger out and bowl past the yellow line and into the adjacent rink, allowing the bowl to rip back like Warne to Strauss circa 2005 at Edgbaston, not only holding, but more importantly putting pressure on the Waters for the first time all night.

It was also at this time that Kenny Loggins’ ‘Danger Zone’ rang out on the PA- Quite a fitting choice of music for a Tie Breaker.

As the Water Crew went to water, Don and Richie added the pressure by increasing the hold to 3, but Dave had the last bowl, and a well weighted shot would give the Water Crew the victory.

But his bowls didn’t have a lot of bias (As I found out out they’re a brand called Aero Dynamic), and his first drifted slightly past (As you can see), and the last bowl sailed into the gutter, sealing another tense victory for the Hopers.

This isn’t flying, it’s falling, with style (Photo: Jason Titheradge)

RESULT: TEAM HOPE WINS 3-5 11-5 3-0


The Ladder

1st- Team Hope- 18 points +19

2nd- The Young Guns- 18 points +6

3rd- Missing Moo – 16 points + 64

4th- Ten Pin – 16 points + 23

The rest: Who gives a rat’s tossbag.


So a divine miracle, Team Hope is now on top by score differential as we head into the final week, as the formerly unbeaten Young Guns were stunned by Ten Pin in a tie break, while the T-Birds plummeted from 2nd to 8th- How the hell that happened I don’t know.

Of course if the Hopers had have lost, then it’s a certainty we would’ve have dropped to between 5th and 7th like the T-Birds, Such is the evenness of this edition of Jack Attack.


JUST ONE WEEK TO GO- I WISH I’D STARTED THE BLOG EARLIER!

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