Another weekend down, and another weekend closer to the return of footy season- But first, we’ve got more Aussie sport to get through!

AFL Pre-Season & AFLW

What a superb thinking by the AFL to honour International Women’s Day on Friday… by playing 3 AFLW games on Saturday.

Despite that setback, Saturday’s double header at Docklands appears to be a success, so much so that Dogs coach Paul Groves wants a triple header in the future!

Fremantle (6.13-49) d. Geelong (2.1-13) @ Kardinia Park

A Deadset Docker Demolition down in Sleepy Hollow, as Geelong kicked just one goal after quarter time, and didn’t even score in the 2nd half, highlighting how dominant the Freo backline was.

Trent Cooper and the Freo ladies should be very disappointed in their final quarter performance….. because they could easily have won by 10 goals!

It’s now simple mathematics- A win against North Melbourne at Fremantle Oval, and they’ll be in the finals.

North Melbourne (7.11-53 ) d. Collingwood (5.1-31) @ Marvel Stadium

The first leg of the double-header at Marvel Stadium, and you couldn’t even tell that North got smacked by the Crows last week, as they easily defeated the wooden spooners to be. Of course, playing against any last placed team would make you look good.

Melbourne (5.9-39) d. Western Bulldogs (6.2-38) @ Marvel Stadium

The annual battle of the two ‘foundation’ teams of the women’s game, and just like last year’s final round thriller, it couldn’t be decided until the final 2 minutes, but this year it was Melbourne’s Tegan Cunningham who kicked a late goal to get the Dees home by a bee’s diaphragm.

If the Redlegs want to have any hope of playing finals, they’ll have to beat Adelaide next weekend at Casey, and they’ll have to peg back at least 36%.

Adelaide (9.5-59) d. GWS (4.3-27) @ Unley Oval

Unley may sound like a town in the middle of nowhere, but I’ve been reliably informed it’s located in Adelaide.

Anyway, it was a close game until 3/4 time, and to further emphasize this point, there was literally one point scored in the 3rd quarter (To the Crows).

In the end the ladder-leaders did what they had to do, and they kicked 4 goals to none in the final quarter.

I may have alluded to it in the previous match, but with Fremantle playing North, a win against the Demons will ensure the Crows win the minor premiership.

Carlton (6.7-43) d. Brisbane (4.3-27) @ Ikon Park

It looks like Carlton could very well win the race to the bottom of the giant life-sucking void that is Conference B, as they dusted off Brisbane’s season by 16 points at whatever they call Princes Park now.

Ladder

A little uneven if I do say so myself.

Extremely Short Sighted JLT Conclusions

• Winning the 2018-19 Trade Period will be the only consolation for Bombers fans this season.

• Without being burdened by a pre-season camp run by former members of the Manson Family, the Crows should do just fine this season.

• Port Adelaide have made a few changes to their game plan- They’re attacking and taking the game on, and they’re also going to try and injure Paddy Ryder in every game.

• The Norm Smith Curse is already on the way to derailing Melbourne for the 55th season in a row.
• As a paying Hawks member, if they don’t finish in the Bottom 4 this season, I’ll be applying for Clarko to be entered straight into the Australian Football Hall of Fame… as a Legend.
• Rory Thompson tears his ACL and now No.3 pick Izak Rankine has hurt his hamstring… the Gold Coast really is the Bermuda Triangle of Australian sport.
• St Kilda build up more hope from their fans before the inevitable happens during the season.
• Good to see Andrew Brayshaw and Andrew Gaff bury the hatchet before the Dockers-Eagles game in Mandurah. Of course the crowd was stunned when Brayshaw turned heel, dug it up and reburied it in Gaff’s head.

NRL

Just a few days to go until the season finally kicks off, and by gee by jingo by crikey, it’s been due back since December.

I will be doing a Round 1 preview this week for our friends North of the Murray.. and a preview of Paul Gallen’s punchup with Cam Smith.

Super Rugby: The SCG Turf is a Turd

Rebels 29, Brumbies 26 @ AAMI Park

Another tough, gritty win for the Rebels, as they made it 2 wins against the Brumbies in the span of a month and managed to remain the only unbeaten Australian team in 2019!

And it was once idiotic, but now the idea of Quade Cooper playing for the Wallabies in Japan at the World Cup is gaining steam… of course by which point Michael Cheika will have self-combusted and been replaced after the Rugby Championship thanks to pressure from Newscorp journos.

Waratahs 28, Reds 17 @ The SCG

The win for the ‘Tahs was their 10th straight win over their eternal rivls, but it ended up being the secondary talking point, not that the game was any great spectacle.

The teams tore chunks out of the SCG turf, forcing the curators out after every scrum feed as the surface resembled one of those garden makeovers on Better Homes and Gardens.

What the hell is it with stadium surfaces in this country? They’re either outstanding (E.G the MCG), or players are one wrong step away from blowing a knee out (Like Justin Hodges at Lang Park in an Origin game).

The A-League: Hare Krishna

Western Sydney 4, Brisbane Roar 1

Kids in Western Sydney will be soon enjoying the Aldi version of the Oreo, The Oriol.

First you twist it, then you lick it, then you dunk it, then you let it get on the pitch and demolish the Roar.

Wellington Phoenix 8, Central Coast Mariners 2

With just one win this season, the Mariners didn’t even bother to wait until sunrise to sack Mike Mulvey, dumping him in a press release at 12:51am.

I’d 8-2 be a Mariners fan right now.

The Horses: Sun shines on gloomy Randwick

Another big Super Saturday in the only two racing states that really matter, with the Newmarket and Australian Cup finishing off the ‘peak’ of the Melbourne Autumn, and the Canterbury Stakes and Randwick Guineas headlining the Sydney card.

In Melbourne, Tony McEvoy’s gun filly Sunlight made it another Group One up the Straight Six, as ‘The Red’ Barend Vorster, the expat South African who made his name in Singapore, made a statement by riding a Group 1 winner in his second ride in Australia.

Hugh Bowman’s afternoon ended early, with differing accounts- Apparently someone threw a rock at him for his ride on Osborne Bulls, then it was an urgent family matter, but both the Stewards and Bowman confirmed it was because his wife Christine was ill and needed medical attention in Sydney- She is on the mend now.

While in the Australian Cup, it was quite fitting that one of Australia’s best (I would claim Number One) female jockey won her maiden Group One the day after International Women’s Day, as Jamie Kah, the former Queen of South Australia, booted home Harlem in a driving finish against Shillelagh to make it back-to-back wins in the race.

Watch him now go another year without winning, before popping up to piss everyone off next Autumn.

Tye Angland’s riding career may have been ended due to his horror fall in Hong Kong last November, but he was at Randwick on Saturday, and his good friend Blake Shinn made sure he wasn’t forgotten when he took the reins on Tye’s former mount Trapeze Artist in the Canterbury Stakes, and led all the way to earn the entire’s 4th Group One victory.

And that was followed by The Autumn Sun pulling out another breathtaking win in the Randwick Guineas, in a race that he looked absolutely no hope in hell of winning.

His trainer Chris Waller gave the quote of the day afterwards:

“If I didn’t train Winx I wouldn’t have believed that performance.”

And on a parting note, I’m going to be writing a letter to Racing NSW and the ATC tomorrow, asking them to use some common sense and rename this year’s edition of the Golden Slipper to the ‘Godolphin Slipper’, after Tenley won the Reisling, and today Pin Sec won the Black Opal in Canberra, giving the Blue Army approximately….. the entire field for the race.

NBL Grand Final Series- Cats 1, United 1

The Grand Final series remains evenly poised, after the Perth Wildcats dominated the second half of Friday night’s Game 1 to win 81-71, while Melbourne United returned serve and dominated the second half of today’s Game 2 to defeat the Cats 92-74.

It’s now a wait until Friday evening, when Game 3 tips off in Perth.

Formula One

Speaking of big sporting events beginning this weekend, the Australian Grand Prix is back NEXT WEEKEND!

MotoGP- Jack Miller watch

Good start to the year in Qatar for the Townsville native, overcoming a fall to qualify in 4th aboard his new Ducati.

Yamaha’s Maverick Vinales took pole ahead of the Ducati of Andrea Dovizioso, and Honda’s world champion Marc Marquez in third.

Part 2 of this mega review will come tomorrow, featuring some MotoGP results and various other public holiday events, at the request of one of my loyal viewers, Merv ‘The Swerve’ Roberts!