Last one before the Easter break!

From Kaldemic, the Maker of “Alex Rance Shooting Stars”

Comes Ben Brown Shooting Stars!

Welp, that’s completely blown the Rancey ones out of the water.

The Australian Cricket World Cup Squad

No major shocks, with Smith, Warner and Starc all being named to return to the ODI fold, and the poor bastards to miss out were ‘Bashton’ Turner, Peter Handscomb and Josh Hazlewood.

The squads apparently aren’t being finalised by the ICC until May, so there’s plenty of time for any of these players to fail a drugs test… or get caught up in a nightclub fight.

The GI Salary Cap Loophole

So Greg Inglis has finally conceded to his injuries and retired from rugby league effective immediately, after a storied career that included 263 games & 149 tries for the Storm & Rabbits, 39 games for Australia with 31 tries, 32 appearances for Queensland for an Origin record 18 tries, 2 stripped premierships, one legitimate title in 2014, and the greatest honour for a rugby league player- the 2009 Golden Boot.

The big problem with GI calling it quits was the fact that he was going to cause a $1.5 million hole in the Rabbits’ salary cap from now until the end of 2020.

CEO Blake Solly and/or Footy GM Shane Richardson apparently managed to get GI to give up that money by getting him into a full-time position with the club and the NRL, as something resembling a ‘community officer’, on a salary of $300,000 a year, if Buzz Rothfield is to be believed.

Fairfax have reported that the League office will decide if this little move can go ahead, and give us an answer by the end of the month.

It is the NRL, so the most likely answer will be “Hahahahahaha, No.”

Another Carlton gag

Patrick Cripps at Carlton reminds me of this classic quote from Malcolm In The Middle:

Crippa in a way is like Dewey- A prodigious talent who is consistently neglected by the failures of his elders.

The 12 Point Goal Makes A Return

In the 3rd quarter of the Port Adelaide-Richmond game last Saturday, Tiger Tom Lynch strolled in and kicked the easiest of goals to cut the margin to 8 points.

He then copped a brainless shove in the back from Ryan Burton (No wonder the Hawks traded him), leading to the field umpire paying the goal and giving Lynch another shot at goal from straight in front, which he duly converted- A rare occurrence known as a ‘Double Goal’, but should probably be called a ’12 Point Goal’.

It’s one of the biggest penalties that a player can cop during a game, purely because of the damage it does on the scoreboard, and is typically only paid in cases of extreme stupidity.

In recent years, there was a double goal paid against Darren Milburn in the 2009 Grand Final for abusing the goal umpire just before half time when he claimed he’d touched a toe poke goal (The Cats still won).

And another that I can remember being paid was in the 2011 Semi Final between Carlton and West Coast, after Eagle Mark Nicoski kicked a goal to tie the scores, Blues defender Marcus Davies slung Jack Darling to the ground in the goal square, gave away a free kick, and Darling kicked a cheap goal.

The Eagles won that game by 3 points and knocked Carlton out of the finals.

Yep, it was a biggie in the end.

I’m also pretty sure Fremantle earned a 12 point goal after Geelong champ Matty Scarlett delivered ‘that punch’ to Hayden Ballantyne in Round 1, 2012.

Coincidentally, that game was also decided by under a goal- 4 points in favour of the Dockers.

Perhaps the moral of the story is, don’t do needless stupid crap after a goal gets kicked.

The So-Called Festival of Football

Between the start of Round 5 this Thursday and the end of Round 6- The ANZAC Day Round- on the 28th of April, there will be only ONE DAY without an AFL game being played- Tuesday The 23rd, which will reopen the hole of boredom that Good Friday was for centuries.

This crazy sequence is caused by the traditional Easter Monday game (Hawthorn-Geelong), and the ANZAC Day Eve game between Richmond and Melbourne being on a Wednesday this year, creating a rare occurrence that, if I’ve done the math correctly, won’t happen again until 2030.

Speaking of the upcoming round, Brisbane are back on a Thursday/Friday Night for the first time since 2014, and with Collingwood coming to town (Possibly minus Dayne Beams) are apparently getting their first Gabba sellout since the Fev Experience in 2010.

Back many moons ago when the Lions & Pies played in the 2002 & 03 Grand Finals, the AFL scheduled the first rematch for Easter Thursday at the Gabba, which proved to be huge attendance (36k for both) & ratings successes.

Gil we be in attendance, so if the game isn’t a crap pile like most games in 2019, Brizzy might get the spot back semi-permanently.

Michael Cheika on the 7:30 Report

It’s been a strange week for Australian rugby, and the soon to be fired out of a cannon Israel Folau featured heavily for condemning anyone still breathing to eternal damnation, and it was capped off by Wallabies coach Michael Cheika making an appearance on the 7:30 Report with Leigh Sales.

I’d argue getting on the 7:30 Report during Election Season is Cheika’s greatest achievement since reaching the last World Cup Final.

Anyway, to cut a 7 minute story short, he’s tried speaking to Izzy but hasn’t received a response, and responded to a few questions about how it would affect the ‘Wobblies’ going forward to the World Cup.

SALES: Is it fair that Israel Folau is expected to choose between loyalty to the team and loyalty to his faith?

CHEIKA: I don’t know about that. I don’t if it’s fair or not. I’m not a moral judge, and I’m not judging anyone on their beliefs…

I’m the football coach, right, the coach of the rugby team, and my job is, my role is to make sure that the team is together under one banner.

When you pull on the jersey, of course you’ve got to have great tactics at training and all that type of stuff, but when you pull on the jersey, especially the Australian jersey, you’re representing the nation and that’s everyone inside of that and that’s why the team has to stand above everyone.

I’m disappointed that Mick didn’t come out with more classic footy talk to bamboozle Leigh, and respond to every question with “Yeah nah yeah, just taking it one game at a time, trying to stay focused on the job and giving 110% every week”.

Ben Simmons With A Playoff Triple-Double

After being flat in Game One of the series against the Nets on the weekend, noted Essendon supporter and part-time NBA star Ben Simmons hit back in a big way, and so did the 76ers, who went from being booed off the court by Philly fans, to listening to the crowd, Allen Iverson style.

Simmons recorded 18 points (8-12 FG, 2-4 FT), 12 assists and 10 rebounds, his 2nd career playoff triple double, and sat out most of the 4th quarter alongside Joel Embiid with the game practically done to a dinner.

The 76ers outscored the Nets 51-23 in the 3rd quarter, and ultimately discombobulated the Long Islanders 145-123, a franchise record for points in a playoff game.

LAST BUT NOT LEAST- ALEX BROSQUE HAS RETIRED

Sydney FC captain and former Socceroo Alex Brosque has announced his retirement at the end of the A-League season, at the age of 35, with the classic “Body was telling me it was time” reason.

Over 2 stints in Sydney in between a stint in Asia, Brosque won 3 Premiers Plates and a pair of Championships in 2010 and 2017, and is the most capped player, and the highest goalscorer in Sky Blues history.