The Meaningless NRL Review: 2019 Semi Finals

The only highlight for Eels fans on Saturday night

Here’s what we learned this weekend.

Sin binnings for slapping people were introduced back in 2017.

Despite this, Gus is still spitting the dummy and demanding people be executed.

Souths 34 defeated Manly 26 @ ANZ Stadium

What a fun night of footy, unless you’re a Silvertails fan.

Plenty of scoring, momentum swings galore, air swings galore, Jorge Taufua landing bone-jarring tackles galore, and three sin-binnings to boot.

After Souths raced out to a 10-nil lead before being pegged back, the first binning came just on half an hour in, as a biffo took off on the Souths goal line, which resulted in Cody Walker being sin binned for slapping Jack Gosieski like he was a misbehaving toddler.

Of all the ways you can land one on a player in a brawl, and you choose a slap.

Unlike most people, I’m complete fine with that decision- Cody had the chance to throw a right hook, and instead he went for the low percentage slap.

The Sea Eagles took advantage and grabbed a 16-12 lead, only for Cam Murray to score on the half, and give the Bunnies an 18-16 lead at the half.

After more tries were traded to begin the final 40, the second binning came in the 53rd minute with the Sea Eagles up 20-18, when Brad Parker was cited by the Bunker for a stock standard tripping professional foul on James Roberts as Souths put in a grubber.

Reynolds tied the scores, but even after going down to 12 men, the Sea Eagles eventually went down the field on their next set and scored to reclaim the lead.

But of course, there still one more to come, and it was the binning that pretty much sealed the fate of the Sea Eagles, even when they were 26-20 up with 15 minutes to go.

Jake Trbojevic was picked out for a jersey pull and trip on Dane Gagai as the Rabbits attacked down the left hand side, despite the fact that the play was shifting away from Dane, and that Souths probably weren’t going to score, considering Murray’s pass went behind Campbell Graham.

It’s funny looking at Fox and Nine reacting to the incident- Fox seemed to agree that it was a sin binning, while Nine (In particular Joey Johns) blew up like a Soviet Power Plant, simply screaming “No Way!” ad frikkin’ nauseam.

Yes way, Joey, yes way.

Honestly, if you’re going to drag down a player on the attack in a 3 on 1, Dane Gagai not wearing a Queensland jersey is the least threatening player you’d want to take out.

In the 10 minutes Jurbo was off, it was thankyou mother for the rabbits for Rusty’s troopers, and the Bunnies scored the two tries that ultimately sealed the game.

And thus, Manly’s rock and rollin’ season ends with Des back to his old ways… on the phone to Graham Annesley, probably threatening to sic a few OPSM employees on to the referees to give them eye tests, after the Rabbits won the penalty count 9-3, despite doing more than a few questionable things that went uncalled.

Des, you never had a dull moment this year, and good luck repaying the 2 years worth of fines you’ll be receiving.

Meanwhile, Canberra will be transformed into Little Britain next Friday.

The English coach in WAYNE, both front rows being compromised of Englishman…

We may as well rename Canberra, ‘London’, considering they’re both cold and full of wanker politicians.

Melbourne 32 defeated Parramatta 0 @ AAMI Park

I think this performance is very explainable.

The Broncos obviously infected a few Eels players with a severe case of ‘Crappyness’ last week, which spread throughout the team throughout the week, to the point that it was a full-blown pandemic by Saturday evening.

Speaking of a point, that’s something the Eels didn’t register last night.

The Storm seemed to be so confident in rebounding from that shock loss to the Raiders, that , Craig Bellamy committed his satanic human sacrifice to ensure victory…. by dropping Will Chambers for Curtis Scott.

Bellyache claimed it was a heartbreaking decision, but I’ve got no doubt he slashed that knife through Will’s poor heart without thinking twice.

As a result, the Storm, in particular Josh Addo-Carr, were empowered by the dark arts and raced away to an 18-nil after 20 minutes, although apparently it didn’t extend to Cameron Smith’s goalkicking,.. 1/4 from Smithy, and it was 1/5 a few minutes later.

Even still, you could absolutely sniff that the Eels had basically died spiritually after that start, so as a result, the big talking point from the game was Old Man Smith becoming the second ‘bitch slapper’ to get sent to the bin this weekend.

Slapping someone is dumb enough, but slapping them in front of the assistant referee is the peak of meatheadedness.

He was off for 10, but it made no difference whatsoever, as the Eels made as much impact on Melbourne’s try line in that period as they did in the other 70 minutes.

If last week for the Blue & Gold was akin to a Disney masterpiece like The Little Mermaid, then this week was one of those boring straight to DVD films like The Little Mermaid II: Return To The Sea.

I remember watching it when I was 4.

I’ve never recovered.

And thus, the dye is cast.

The Storm and Roosters shall slaughter each other mercilessly on the unforgiving centre of the Sydney Cricket Ground, and we shall enjoy it thoroughly… because one of them will lose.

TIPPING UPDATE… 2/2, and now up to 641st out of a mere… 301,513.

That’s good… right?

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