American Football

JT’s Sporting Review: 20th-23rd September

Tasmania lose 6-12 and manage to wet the bed against Victoria by a run.
Why I chose this in particular, I can’t answer.

Another wild week where I once again write about sports claiming to know what happened, even though I didn’t see most of them.

Also, sorry not sorry this is on a Tuesday… the Brownlow screwed me over.

Rugby: The Wacky Wild Wobblies World Cup Ride: Defeating Fiji 39-21 @ Sapporo

Weird coincidence: The Wallabies’ first game at the 2015 RWC was also against Fiji in an indoor stadium.

Fair to say the Wallabies got a tad lucky to begin the tournament.

Reece Hodge ‘probably’ should’ve been off the ground 26 minutes in for a high no-arms tackle on the No.7 Peceli Yato as the big Fijian was crashing over to score another try, which forced Yato out of the game with concussion.

The TMO for some reason said it was fine and as you were, although the Fijians cracked the shits, and World Rugby decided to step in on Sunday and prepare to give Hodgey a booting.

Meanwhile, for the first time in half a century, the Fijians led the Wallabies at the half, as the Aussie kicking game was deadset shitful, and the Fijians,, featuring a familiar NRL face in Semi Radradra, were revved up and pissed off.

And then, with the Fijians leading 21-12 in the 2nd Half, Michael Cheika did something he’s rarely been able to prove since 2015- He has a Plan B after his original plan fails miserably.

Will Genia came off the bench and replaced Kurtley Beale, and with 1 kick in the 53rd minute, he did more to impact the game than anything Beale sent into Fijian territory, forcing a lineout and pinning the Fijians in their own teritory, and soon after the Wallaby forwards took over the game.

Rolling maul after rolling maul resulted in a yellow card to Levani Botia for repeated Fijian infringements, turning the game the way of the Wallbies, with 4 tries in the last 25 minutes.

In the end, the only thing I learned was that once again, George Gregan has not aged a day since 2003.

I put it down to him stealing Stirling Mortlock’s youth when they were at the Brumbies.

NRLW Round 2

Brisbane 20 defeated Sydney 0 @ AAMI Park

A rematch of last year’s Grand Final, and it was the exact same result as every single game the Broncos have played in the NRLW.

They won.


In fact, I could copy and paste “They won easily” into every report about a Broncos NRLW game, and it wouldn’t look out of place.

This game was done the moment the Roosters took 20 minutes to complete a set of 6, and captain Simaima Taufua was lost to a HIA.

St George-Illawarra 26 defeated New Zealand 6 @ Mt Smart

The first ever standalone game in NRLW history, and after leading 6-0 at the half in front of the Mount Smart faithful, the Warriors copped an avalanche right in their faces from the ladies in Red and White, who slammed on 5 tries in the last 20 minutes to storm away to an impressive win, and now all they have to do is knock-off the Roosters next week in another standalone game on Sunday, to in all likelihood, take on the Broncos in the Grand Final.

Cricket: The Marsh Cup begins

WA (8-386) defeated Victoria (261) by 125 runs @ The WACA

MOTM: Marcus ‘Oil Rig’ Stoinis (101* off 57)

Ah, just imagine this WA team together in a Big Bash playing for the Scorchers.

Of course, I’m pretty confidennt the team formerly known as the Warriors can get really good once ‘we’ regain Jason Behren-

Some people just get shat on by fate.

Anyway, after Josh Philippe laid the foundations with a 43 ball 61, the West Aussies powered towards 300 thanks to more half-centuries from Cam Bancroft (78) and Ashton Turner (52), which paved the way for the Oil Rig that is Marcus Stoinis to tee of with 10 overs to go.

He strolled to the crease in the 33rd over, and powered away to 63 off 48, before hitting 4 sixes in the 48th over to give WA a chance at reaching 350.

That was soon readjusted to 360.

Then 370.

And finally 380, thanks to Stoinis, who in all, hit 38 off his last 10 balls, and reached his century with a six off the last ball of the innings, as WA reached 8-386.

If only he could do that in an Australian ODI shirt.

386 was always going to be a gargantuan effort, and ultimately, despite the best effort of Glenn Maxwell and Nic Maddinson, the Vics were never in the chase after losing too many cheap top order wickets, ultimately being dismissed for 261 with 10 overs to go, getting the hosts off to the best possible start in a cup named after the Marsh Family.

That could be sightly incorrect.

Queensland (6-307, 48.4) defeated New South Wales (5-305) by 4 wickets @ Captain Grumpy Field

MOTM: Jack Wildermuth (QLD)- 51 off 56 & 1-51

The Edwards boys had an eventful day for the Blues.

Jack got the visitors off to a promising start with 84, and then Mickey nearly copped a headshot when Sam Heazlett rifled a shot straight back at him, leaving him with nasty bruising on his right hand.

Apparently Cricket Australia are developing a protective helmet for bowlers for release at some point in the future.

Based on that, they don’t need a helmet, they need a full suit of armour.

Jack’s 84 was backed up by 52 from Moises Henriques and an unbeaten 69 from Nick Bertus, as the Blues eventually reached 5-305 after being sent in to bat on the famously small AB Field.

It always looked like the Queenslanders were going to reach the target, especially after Heazlett and Marnus Labradorchampagne cracked 70 and 67 to have the Bulls at 3-179 by the 26th over, but they got into a slight hole with wickets, and slipped to 5-199 after Jimmy Pearson was run out for a golden duck taking a single on an LBW shout that Joe Burns had no interest in.

Ultimately, it was Man Of the Match Jack Wildermurth who helped steer the ship with Burns, putting on a vital 83 runs, and by the time Sean Abbott dismissed Wildermuth for 51, the Bulls were in a tricky spot at 6 down, needing 24 with 4 overs to go.

Burns and Mark Steketee cracked a few boundaries and promptly got it done with 2 overs to spare.

With 4 half-centuries in the chase, Man of the Match honours could’ve gone to anyone, but it went to Wildermuth, probably because his attacking innings (Rather than Mr Burns for some reason) ultimately got the Banana Benders out of a tough spot at 5-199 and back towards victory.

Victoria (185) defeated Tasmania (184) by 1 run @ The WACA

MOTM: Will Sutherland (Victoria)- 53 off 66

There I am yesterday afternoon, sitting around waiting for the Brownlow to start, so I flick over and check, Tassie only need 12 to win, and there’s no danger whatsoever…

And then I check back, and the Two Headers have impersonated Bon Scott after a drinking game.

After skittling the Victorian top order and restricting them to a mere 185 (Made possible by a gritty Will Sutherland half-century), the Tigers were looking like they’d reach 186 without any major worries, led by a half century from Ben McDermott, as they moved along to 4-172 after 32 overs chasing the Bonus Point for a win inside 40 overs, and then made it to 5-181 with 12 overs still in hand.

And then it hahahahaha-ppened.

Jackson Coleman started his 9th over, and first ball he got James Faulkner to hole out to Dutchy Holland for 1, then removed McDermott for 78 next ball when he skied one straight to Pucovski, landing on a hat-trick and making the Tigers touch cloth, which became even more smelly when Coleman finished his over by removing Sandhu for 1, leaving Tasmania needing 3 to win with 2 wickets in hand.

On comes Chris Tremain, and Jackson Bird promptly edged one behind to Handscomb on the first ball of the over, then after squeaking a run to narrow it down to 2 runs required, Nathan Ellis was given LBW on a ball that swinging massively down leg side, sparking some utterly hilarious scenes.

I reckon the umpire gave it out just so we could all have a laugh at the Apple Islanders for shitting the bed.

Can’t argue with that.




WW•11W •W1W.

Saint Nicholas and the Laver Cup

Tennis’ answer to the Ryder Cup is one of the few realms where Nick Kyrgios and John McEnroe can stand within 5 feet of each other and not immediately feel the urge to impersonate Hulk Hogan vs Andre the Giant.

Kyrgios tag teamed with Jack Sock in the doubles, and that familiarity with each other probably helped them spring the upset on Rafa and Stefanos Tsitsipas, winning the match 10-6 in the super tiebreak.

He then took on Roger Federer in the feature battle of Saturday, and made things interesting by using that big serve to power his way to 7-6 1st Set.

While Roger and Team Europe were discussing how to attack Nick’s serve in the 2nd Set, Nick simply sat down and imparted his thoughts with Team World about a game that he held serve in.

I haven’t seen a reaction like that to seeing an attractive woman since this great TV moment.

Following on from that, Nick had one bad service game at 5-5, had his serve broken by Federer, and ultimately lost that set 5-7, and then lost the match tiebreak 10-7.

Kyrgios didn’t play in the singles the next day due to a shoulder problem (Neither did Rafa due to a wrist injury), most likely caused by The Superbrat punching him in the shoulder in celebration of that doubles win.

Funnily enough, it worked out very well, because his replacement Taylor Fritz defeated Dominic Thiem to put Team World on the verge of getting the 13 points needed to win the whole shooting match.

Only for Federer and Sascha Zverev to win their singles ties to keep the Cup in European hands.

Other Aussie Watch

There is another thing that happened this week besides Nick Kyrgios noticing women in the crowd- Sam Stosur reached her first WTA final since 2017 in Guangzhou this weekend.

Up against 3rd seed Sofia Kenin, Sam won the 1st Set in a tiebreak 7-4, but from there, the American had her covered, winning 6-4 6-2 to power away to the title in what was an entirely expected result.

Sam Kerr breaks an NSWL record previously held by Sam Kerr- Most goals in a season

Our No.1 footballing export in Sam Kerr continues to burn a trail through the US and A, as her Chicago Red Stars defeated the Washington Spirit 3-1, securing the Red Stars’ spot in the NWSL postseason.

There’s a very good reason I’m mentioning this, because Kerr scored a brace, her 17th and 18th goals of the season, breaking the single season record that she had previously set back in 2017 with Sky Blue FC in ‘New Joisey’.

She’s also 7 goals ahead of the next player.

And that was despite missing a big chunk of the season to play in the World Cup.

Apparently that means Sam is good, and I can’t disagree based on those numbers.

The Australians in the NFL update- Week 3

Mitch Wishnowski vs Jordan Berry- (49ers vs Steelers)- 49ers win 24-20

The first glorious Australian Punter Bowl (I’m working on a title) of 2019, and the team with 5 Super Bowls hosted the team with 6 Super Bowls.

After comitting 5 turnovers in a sloppy performance, the Niners somehow won the game thanks to a touchdown pass from Jimmy Garoppolo to Dante Pettis with 1:15 to go, moving them to 3-0 on the season as they head towards a bye week.

Wishnowski punted 3 times for 150 yards (1 touchback and 1 kick inside the 20), and thanks to the Steelers’ sputtering offense, Berry punted 6 times for 314 yards, with 1 touchback and a longest punt of 60 yards.

Michael Dickson (Seahawks vs Saints)- Saints win 33-27

Fair to say the Seahawks were a warm favourite to win, after the Saints lost the future Hall Of Famer Drew Brees last week, forcing them to give Teddy Bridgewater his first NFL start in 3 years.

But right from the start, the rug was going to be well and truly pulled.

On the opening drive, the Seahawks lost 10 yards, forcing Dickson to punt from his own 5 yard line, which was fielded by Deonte Harris, who made a host of dudes miss, and take it 53 yards for the opening touchdown.

The boys from the bayou opened up a 27-7 lead in the 2nd Half, and ultimately won 33-27, despite a furious rally led by Russell Wilson which resulted in touchdowns on the Seahawks’ last 2 possessions.

Dickson punted 4 times for 165 yards, obviously having that touchdown return put on him, having 1 kick end up inside the 20, and having a long of 59 yards.

Adam Gotsis (Broncos vs Packers)- Packers won 27-16

Despite starting on Sunday at Laaaaaambeau Field, Adam Gotsis didn’t record a single thing, which is a pretty good reflection of the Broncos’ defence.

They haven’t done anything this year.

Through 3 games, they haven’t recorded a single sack, or a ‘forced’ turnover.

Since sacks were first officially recorded in 1982, this Broncos team is the first to accomplish a blank slate through 3 games.

And they brought in defensive mastermind Vic Fangio to coach them.

They’re now 0-3.

As you can see, it’s going very well out there in the Rockies.

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