Alright, after a forgettable 4/8 in Round 8 we’re on to Round 9, and we’re edging closer to the start of the Great Sack Race of 2022, in which the winners will ironically lose several hundred thousand dollars, and there’s plenty of coaches who will be slow roasting rotisserie style on their own chairs with their way their teams are playing…

Progressive Score = 44/64 (68.75%)

Picks are underlined

South Sydney Rabbitohs (6th) vs Brisbane Broncos (9th) at Accor Stadium, Thursday 7:50pm AEST

Payne Haas is getting served up a lawsuit and won’t be able to play for the Broncos, and in a double whammy you can’t believe, Kurt Capewell hurt his neck while drying himself with a towel…

I’m not kidding, that happened.

Meantime, Souths have got home ground advantage at the Olympic Stadium, and that should make the difference in the Adam Reynolds Cup, as Eddie Rabbitt makes another comeback to serenade the returning former Souths captain, who will get an interesting reception from The Burrow:

By the way, I’m expecting the margin to be under 10 points.

Canberra Raiders (14th) vs Canterbury Bulldogs (15th) at GIO Stadium, Friday 6pm AEST

Oh great, another terrible game involving the Raiders, who’d have thought it, and it should tell you how shithouse they’re going when the frikkin’ Bulldogs come into the capital as the form team of the game.

Actually, on that note, I’ve got a cracking joke.

Why shouldn’t you let a Raiders player own a dog?

Because they can’t hold on to a lead!

So you know what, I think we may as well do something we never do on this website, and that’s PICK THE BULLDOGS TO ACTUALLY WIN A GAME, so for the Random Pick, I’ll let the King, Elvis Presley himself, do the talking:

Penrith Panthers (1st) vs Parramatta Eels (5th) at Panthers Stadium, Friday 7:55pm AEST

The Western Derby is back again, and last year we saw two defensive grudge matches between the Panthers and Eels, the first being a 13-12 win to Penrith at a closed Panthers Stadium in Round 16, in which Mitch Moses had a shot at a penalty goal in the last minute to win, but he missed narrowly, and the Semi Final in Mackay which Penrith won 8-6, which Penrith played like it was their Grand Final….

Only it turned out they would knock off Melbourne in the Preliminary Final and play in the actual Grand Final, which went pretty well for them.

Anyway, with a full house in Penrith for the Derby, I like the Panthers to win for the umpteenth time in the last 3 seasons, and here’s a former big Cat to sing about the big cats, as Yusuf performs a song to describe the Penrith district…

Oh, baby, baby it’s a Wild World!

Manly Sea Eagles (8th) vs Wests Tigers (13th) at 4 Pines/Brookvale Oval, Saturday 3pm AEST

After a dour 2 weeks against Top 8 teams, the Sea Eagles are back to playing a Bottom 8 team in the Tigers, who lost their mojo against the Dragons, probably because the scores weren’t level with 2 minutes to go, so Jackson Hastings or Luke Brooks couldn’t sink their slipper into the Steeden and send it over the black dot.

But, I’ve got four words for you:

TOM TRBOJEVIC IS BACK.

ALL THREE TRBOJEVIC BROTHERS ARE IN THE STARTING 13 FOR THE FIRST TIME.

THE EAGLES TO PULL THEIR PANTS DOWN AND DO THE EAGLE ROCK AT A SOLD OUT BROOKVALE.

Sydney Roosters (7th) vs Gold Coast Titans (12th) at BB Print Stadium, Mackay, Saturday 5:30pm AEST

It was only 8 months ago that these two teams were involved in a final decided by 1 point and 1 metres in Townsville, but they’re now just a pair of utterly average teams.

The Roosters can’t even knock off the teams in the Bottom 8, and the Titans can’t knock off anyone full stop, although in fairness last week they played the reigning premiers.

So the Chooks are in a very similar position to where they were in the premiership year of 2018, with 4 wins from 8 games and players not quite gelling, although their only problem now is that in 2018, you could win the minor premiership with 16 wins, this time around you’ll be lucky to get 4th.

Anyway, I’ll take the Roosters on nothing but blind faith and cognitive dissonance, and the only thing that could give the Titans a potential edge is the humidity of Mackay, and to conclude for no reason, here’s Simon & Garfunkel with a tribute to Trent Robinson’s wife, who would be doing it tough while Trent’s Chooks hit the slide….

So here’s to you, Mrs Robinson, Jesus loves you more than you will know!

Where have you gone, James Tedesco’s form, our nation turns it’s lonely eyes to you?

North Queensland Cowboys (3rd) vs Newcastle Knights (16th) at Queensland Country Bank Stadium, Saturday 7:35pm AEST

Todd Payten has the Cowboys in white hot form, the Knights have plummeted to last and can’t muster up anything more than a penalty goal per game, so that means I can use a Random video clip I haven’t used in a while, of a fabled song that is still popular in North Queensland.

THE SKATT BROS WITH LIFE AT THE OUTPOST, TELLING YOU GIVE YOUR LOVE TO A COWBOY MAN!

The most hilarious fact of that video, which has nothing to do with rugby league?

None of the people in the video were the actual Skatt Bros – The video was commissioned by their Australian record distributer, who hired a bunch of local actors to dance and lip sync to the song, thus making everyone believe that the Skatt Bros, who were meant to be Canada’s “straight” answer to The Village People, were instead the forerunners for Brokeback Mountain.

Melbourne Storm (2nd) vs St George-Illawarra Dragons (10th) at AAMI Park, Sunday 2pm AEST

The Dragons’ recent form suggests they’ll put up a fight, especially on the defensive side of the ball, but the Storm are basically Black Caviar odds for a reason after scoring 120 points in 2 games, and if they get enough of a break in the 2nd Half, the Storm faithful are half a chance to start belting out Boom Crash Opera, even on a perfect day in Melbourne:

You and I are going out, and we’re dancing in the Stormmmm:

Cronulla Sharks (4th) vs New Zealand Warriors (11th) at Shark Park, Sunday 4:05pm AEST

Last week the Sharks got absolutely mauled in the 2nd Half against the Broncos, in what was their biggest failure thus far in Craig Fitzgibbon’s short tenure, and the Warriors got a bit lucky with a late refereeing decision for Matt Lodge that allowed them to tie the scores at 20-20 with a penalty goal, and led to yet another Golden Point win in Redcliffe.

BUT, despite scoring 8 points in the last 120 minutes of footy, the record shows that the Sharks have done their best work in 2022 at a semi-revamped Shark Park, so as I’ve done many times this season, I’m predicting…

A SHARK ATTACK AT SHARK PARK: