After the crap racing of 2017 to 2021, who’d have thought we’d see 5 cars able to race this close to each other

Would you look at that, I was back in The West Australian again on a Monday morning

It’s the only reason I’ve got to buy a crap rag like The West right now… besides the Saturday form guide.

So the story goes that for the last two Fridays I’ve played with Sir Viv (Who I met at the Waterford TAB years before I met him at the MBC), who was a 2-time Men’s Bowler of the Year at Manning, before he moved to Rossmoyne and eventually gave up bowls for a few years due to a few niggling aches and pains in his knees, but he’s on the comeback trail ahead of the 22-23 Pennants season, and last week we had a steady performance in winning the first game and losing the second, so we decided to go around again.

So in our first game last Friday we played an Elite pairing of Liz Matthews (Who has won a record 13 Tuesday Premier League pennants + Many more Individual titles) and 1st Division skip John Andrew, and it looked set to be a belting on the 1st End when we dropped a 5 after Viv’s holder got smashed out and I dropped one on the wrong bias, then for the next 4 ends we bowled well without much luck and fell behind 1-8, but the important part was we were only dropping 1 shot at a time.

I’d say the comeback started on the 6th end when we were 2 shots down before my last bowl, which, in an attempt to keep it to 1 shot, trailed the jack and gave us 3 shots to get us into the game at 4-8, then it looked like we might cut it back to 6-8 when Viv trailed the jack again, but Liz had the last bowl and drew shot to make it 4-9 after 7 ends, with 4 still to play.

However, by this stage Viv was bowling like a 2x Club Champion, I finally had my eye in and gave him a bit of support, and on the 8th End we clawed 2 back after a calculated risk on a wide forehand paid off, then we clawed another 2 back on the 9th End to make it 8-9, the closest we’d been all game, then on the 10th End we were 3 down again after John & Liz landed 3 bowls within half a metre, but somehow my last bowl managed to get through traffic and claimed an inside wick off a short bowl by John and miraculously held shot, which tied the scores at 9-9 ahead of the final end.

Had that not happened we would’ve needed 5 to win on the last end, as John & Liz would’ve had the Ends Won tiebreaker (6-5) if we held 4 and the game ended 12-12.

So on the last end Viv had shot after landing one 2 feet behind, then I thought I’d stuffed it up for the pair of us when I hit John into hold with the final 2 bowls to come, but Viv wouldn’t have a bar of it, and he only just missed the holder with his first bowl, before sitting on it and whacking it out to hold shot with 1 bowl to come from Liz:

With the blowtorch on, Liz had a shot to win it, and after looking good all of the way, the bowl trailed through and finished up as 2nd shot by what would’ve been no more than a bowl’s width, and the Viv/JT combination won 10-9, the only time we led after an end during the game.

One of the more extraordinary comebacks in a social bowls game you’d ever see… Especially from a ‘colourful’ character like me who spent 80% of his rookie season in 5th Division.

So in the 2nd Game we played Marg Booth (Tuesday Premier League player, formerly of both Manning & Melville) and her partner Alan Taylor, and for the first 8 ends it was an abject arm wrestle, as neither team held more than 1 shot thanks to some quality bowling from all 4 players to cut shots out or change the hold time and time again, and it was evenly poised at 4-4 with 3 ends to play after Marg & Alan won a hat-trick of ends.

At last, the dam wall burst when Viv trailed the jack on the 9th End and we picked up 2 to make it 6-4 after 9 ends, then on a short 10th End, Marg had landed shot a foot behind the jack, but in what I could only describe was my best shot of the day, my last bowl found a perfect line & weight and sat on Marg’s bowl to hit her out, and we picked up 3 to make it 9-4 with an end to play, and we had the Ends Won tiebreaker sewn up, so only a 6 would do for Marg & Allan.

With Viv and myself hitting the line hard, Alan had to try and hit out all of our bowls to even have a chance, and to his credit he cleaned a few out, but we still got 2 and won the game 11-4 to get in the 2-game winners, although the scoreline probably didn’t do justice to how close the majority of the game was.

So that brings me up to 6 two-game collects on Thursdays, Fridays and Saturdays this offseason (Which began first weekend of April), and carrying on the form, today I was given a 1-shot handicap when playing an 11-end game of 3-2-1 against Half Price.

I may or may not have knocked him off 53-14.

It goes to show, some days you just wake up and think to yourself, “FIGJAM.”

David Noble was screwed the moment this happened

FULL SUPPORT OF THE BOARD = You’re up the creek

Leigh Adams gets the North interim gig, almost 10 years to the day since Chris Judd tore him a new chicken wing

Today is July 12, and on July 13, 2012, then-Carlton captain Chris Judd infamously did this to Patch Adams and got 4 weeks off:

An eye gouger, a chicken-winger and an elbower walk into a bar.

The bartender says “What can I get for you, Juddy?”

Elena Rybakina’s Wimbledon triumph provides Kazakhstan their greatest achievement since inventing toffee and the trouser belt

And I believe the cameras were rolling in Almaty when Rybakina wrapped up the 3rd Set against Ons Jabeur, and we can show them to you now:

On a random note, I believe Saturday’s final was the first Wimbledon Ladies’ Singles final without a North American or a European player since 1971, when Evonne Goolagong defeated Margaret Court 6-4 6-1, in what was Court’s last Wimbledon final.

It turns out the Rajapaksa Government isn’t the most dysfunctional thing in Sri Lanka right now

Because the Australian cricket team hasn’t flown out of the country yet.

Just on those Sri Lankan protesters storming the President’s House and swimming in his pool, I reckon as Australians we should do that to Kirribilli House or The Lodge one day.

Just get so pissed off about the state of the country that instead of burning down Parliament House, we storm the gates of what is technically taxpayer’s property, have a swim in the pool, bring a couple of snaggers and have a barbeque with Albo.

Wait a minute, you’re telling me Kirribilli doesn’t have a pool?

Well build one, you lazy bastards.

Out of nowhere, Melbourne Victory sign Nani

Known as the Portuguese Michael Jackson, Nani is a character who won 4 Premier League titles, scored in a Champions League penalty shootout, a FIFA Club World Cup, was also the Premier League Assist award winner in 2010-11, and won Euro 2016 with Portugal, and he’s easily the greatest former Manchester United player to sign with the A-League since Dwight Yorke led Sydney FC to the title in the inaugural A-League season of 2005-06…

In fact, as of this month Dwight Yorke is now back in the A-League as the manager of Macarthur FC.

Anyway, here’s why Nani is dubbed the Portuguese Michael Jackson:

They claim Victoria is a Nanny State….

Well, it’s now the Nani State.

Harry McKay struggles with the concept of No Comment

Says “No comment”

Proceeds to add 33 words into a sentence before ending it with “No comment” again.

I like how All-Australian pairings have randomly won 2 out of the 3 Men’s Doubles Majors this year

Nick Kyrgios and Thanassi Kokkinakis decided to go nuts in Australia, and Matt Edben and Max Purcell decided to become the Cardiac Kids and go 5 sets in 5 out of 6 matches, saving 8 match points along the way, to become the first all-Australian pairing to win the Wimbledon Gents’ Doubles title since The Woodies’ sixth and final hurrah in 2000.

A great tournament for Ebden in particular, who also made the Mixed Doubles Final with Sam Stosur, which was unfortunately just a few hours after he and Purcell made that epic comeback from 2 sets and match points down against Rajeev Ram and Joe Salisbury, so they lost in straight.

So that’s another great chapter in an extremely long list of all-Australian pairings to win the Wimbledon Gentlemen’s Doubles title:

Pat O’Hara Wood & Ronald Thomas (1919)

Jack Crawford & Adrian Quist (1935)

John Bromwich & Frank Sedgman (1948)

John Bromwich & Adrian Quist (1950)

Ken McGregor & Frank Sedgman (1951 & 1952)

Lew Hoad & Ken Rosewall (1953)

Rex Hartwig & Mervyn Rose (1954)

Rex Hartwig & Lew Hoad (1955)

Lew Hoad & Ken Rosewall (1956)

Roy Emerson & Neale Fraser (1959 & 1961)

Bob Hewitt & Fred Stolle (1962 & 1964)

John Newcombe & Tony Roche (1965, 1968-70, 1974)

John Newcombe & Ken Fletcher (1966)

Roy Emerson & Rod Laver (1971)

Ross Case & Geoff Masters (1977)

The Maccas of Peter McNamara & Paul McNamee (1980 & 1982)

And lucky last, The Woodies of Mark Woodforde & Todd Woodbridge (1993-97, 2000).

There we go, that’s now 17 different all-Australian pairings that have won the title.

With Roger Federer out of the Top 100 for the first time since 1999, this was the last ATP Top 100 without Roger Federer

October 4, 1999:

Some of the highlights:

No.95 Andrea Gaudenzi is the current ATP CEO

No.55 Christian Ruud’s son Casper is now in the Top 10 and is a French Open Finalist

Novak makes an appearance in the Top 40…. Jiri Novak that is, who has the unique stat of being the first player to face Roger Federer at Wimbledon, defeating Roger in 5 sets in 1999

A Russian named Medvedev also makes an appearance… Andrei Medvedev, who made the French Open Final that year and lost to Andre Agassi after being 2 sets to love ahead, and he wasn’t the last Medvedev to lose a major final from 2 sets up.

Nicolas Escude is infamous in Australia for defeating Lleyton Hewitt in 5 sets twice in 2001, the first being in the 4th Round of Wimbledon, and in the Davis Cup Final in Melbourne when Hewitt had just been crowned World No.1.

I count at least 7 Australians in the list:

Pat Rafter at No.13, Mark Philippoussis at No.21, Lleyton Hewitt at No.31, Andrew Ilie at No.54, Jason Stoltenberg at No.60, Mark Woodforde at No.74, Richard Fromberg at No.85, and the great Wayne Arthurs at No.91.

Hawthorn’s 1000 league wins

By defeating Adelaide at the neutral venue of Marvel Stadium, Hawthorn are the first AFL Club to crack 1,000 league wins since Sydney/South Melbourne did so in Round 10 of 2008, and they got there in 2,053 games, which is the 5th fastest out of the 7 league clubs to do so to date: Collingwood are 1st (1,556), Carlton are 2nd (1,626), Essendon are 3rd (1,750), Geelong are 4th (1,924), Richmond are 5th (1,947), Melbourne are 6th (2,125), and the Swans are 7th (2,174).

It’s worth noting Hawthorn, who joined the VFL in 1925, got to 1,000 wins before St Kilda did, despite conceding a 28-year head start to the Wooden Spoon emperors of the game….

In fact, St Kilda are still 42 wins away from 1,000 league wins, which at their pace, should be around 2026, only 130 years after becoming a foundation club of the VFL.

The most devastating week for Japan since the 2011 Earthquake/Tsunami/Nuclear Meltdown Trifecta

Obviously there’s the harrowing fact that Shinzo Abe got assassinated in front of the entire world…

And even more devastating than the most influential man in Japanese politics being gunned down, Yu-Gi-Oh! creator Kazuki Takahashi was discovered to have drowned a day earlier.

RIP to the King of Games, for creating an underground trading card market in every primary school that allowed it.

Warmed up for the British Open at the Old Course by shooting 16 under in a round of Mario Golf on Project 64

My form from the Koopa Cup is going to read quite well for the volatile winds of St Andrews….

For me, the highlights weren’t the pair of Eagles, it was the chip-ins on the 3rd and 7th holes, the 3rd in particular when my second shot landed a disappointing 33 yards from the hole, but my attempt at an approach shot to set up a par putt wound up pitching perfectly and went in off the pin for birdie….

Then on the 7th hole my second shot was only about 9 yards from the cup on the green edge, but it was a very makeable putt with the right weight, and I got it for another chip-in.

One of the best rounds of video game golf you’ll ever see.

Once upon a time, the R&A of St Andrews would let Greg Norman in, but they wouldn’t even let women join them

Now, they’ll let women in, but they won’t let The Shark join them for the 150th Anniversary celebrations…

Despite the fact he’s a 2-time champion…

Can’t put my finger on why, to be honest.

And in case you missed it, another great NFL offseason story

“Zach Wilson’s Ex-Girlfriend Exposes Him For Sleeping With His Mom’s Best Friend”

Allegedly:

So for those of you who care absolutely zilch about this, I’ll simply say that Zach Wilson is now a real-life Finch from American Pie, doing this with Stifler’s Mom:

“Would you object if I said that you were quite striking?”

“Mr Finch Wilson, are you trying to seduce me?”

“Yes ma’am, I am.”

“You’re dead….”