One of the greatest rants seen in American sporting media since Chris ‘Mad Dog’ Russo’s rant about supporting the San Francisco Giants after losing to the Florida Marlins (Again) in 2003.

It starts by connecting the Aaron Rodgers injury to the Vinny Testaverde Achillies injury on Opening Day 1999 (Testaverde was an honorary captain on Monday night, Tuesday was the 24th anniversary of the injury) – Adding to the freakiness, both players tore their left Achillies tendon.

Then there’s the repeated line that sums up the entire journey of Rodgers joining the Jets:

“FOUR SNAPS, THAT’S ALL WE WERE ALLOWED…. by the football gods.”

Then, in an effort to further help folks understand what it’s like to be a Jets fan, Eisen compares the entire build-up of Rodgers joining the Jets (For 2 Second-Rounders and $75m USD guaranteed) to a scene from The Shining, when Scatman Crothers as Dick Hallorann flies from Florida to Colorado to get to the Overlook Hotel, which is on top of a mountain, in a snowcat, during the middle of a snowstorm…

Only to get an axe in the chest from Jack in the lobby.

“FOUR SNAPS IN, AXE IN THE CHEST.”

A beautiful encapsulation of the 5 Stages of Grief, summed up by the end when he starts talking about calling Tom Brady to play for the Jets, because he doesn’t want to hear about Carson Wentz