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In golf, people traditionally describe Round 3/Saturday at any tournament to be ‘Moving Day’, which is a term that also applies to Week 5 at Manning Jack Attack, because it’s the last chance for hopeful teams to get themselves in the Money Games (1st through to 8th for this season) taking place in Week 6, when the Greatest Social Bowls Competition between Manning Road and the Canning River reaches its climax.

With no Spider Challenge this week, it was all about the showdowns kicking off at 6:30, as no fewer than 16 teams were in with a shout of finishing in the Top 8, and Wednesday night would also see the warmest conditions we’ve had all season, and indeed for several years, with temperatures hitting 40 degrees Celsius in the afternoon, and conditions still hovered around 36 degrees at game time, before dropping down when the sun finally set, much to the relief of many.

Still, there were two teams who weren’t worried about the conditions on Wednesday night..

The Tuesday night special

We had a historic first this week in Manning Jack Attack, as we witnessed the first game of Wednesday night Jack Attack to be played on Tuesday night, as both Macatac (Ellen, Deb and Russ) and Chiko Bowls (Denise, Trish and Rob) were unavailable for Wednesday due to a Christmas function at Como that night, so both teams agreed to play at Manning at 6:30 on the Tuesday night, which was approved by myself and Half Price as we kept a watchful eye over the game on Rink 2, and it turned out it was one of the best social games nobody saw.

Chiko Bowls started superbly and had the Maccers 10-0 after 4 ends, as Denise routinely smothered the jack leading for the Chiko Bowls, giving Trish and Rob an armchair ride, but Macatac got the consolation shot on the final end to avoid a pants down 1st Set, and that was the moment that got them going, because they got the mat to start the 2nd Set, Ellen Mac started getting the better of Denise, and within 2 ends the Maccers were up 5-0….

Then the Tuesday night Pub Jive dance lessons with Paul and Sylvia kicked off, distracting both teams as the music became so loud they started dancing to Johnny B. Goode in between deliveries, but it didn’t affect the quality of the bowls, particularly the 3rd End of the 2nd Set:

It started when Denise drew 2 shots in for Chiko Bowls, Deb sat them both out and made 2 for Macatac, Russ added the 3rd shot with his first bowl..

But Rob then got a perfect angle off a short bowl and came in for shot, then Russ punched up a short bowl onto the jack and moved it, but Chiko Bowls still held shot.

That would turn out to be the only end Chiko Bowls held in the 2nd Set, as Macatac won the final two ends to win the 2nd Set 8-1 (As a result, the shots were an even 10 apiece for the game) and set up the tiebreak, but Russ creating shot on the final end was a blessing and a curse for Macatac because it gave them the mat for the tiebreak, but it gave Chiko Bowls the final bowl of the match in case they needed it…

As the teams crossed over, it was a measure for shot between Denise and Deb, but Rob sat out Deb’s bowl to make 2, putting the pressure on Russ to conjure a result, and his last bowl missed shaving the jack by an inch (Where it would’ve finished will be a mystery forever), and the Chiko Bowls won the game in a minor upset, moving them up to 11th on the ladder in spite of debuting in Week 2, while it also ruined Macatac’s chances of making the Grand Final, as it left them only a point ahead of Shapes with an inferior shot variance.

A big thanks to both teams for willing to be flexible, and showcasing how crazy she is, Ellen Mac decided to back up again for the Sausage Bowls on Wednesday night, setting some kind of a record as the first non-floating player to play two full Jack Attack games in the same week.

The Overall Night

Cutting to the chase before we go through the results, here is the most important information from the night… THE MONEY MATCHES for Manning Jack Attack Spring 2024 next Wednesday night:

The Grand Final: Bowling Stones (18pts +25) vs Shapes (17pts +31)

3rd vs 4th: Macatac (14pts +13) vs Crawshaw CC (14pts -7)

5th vs 6th: Ebowla Bad, Ibowla Good (13pts +8) vs Norfolk Enchants (13pts +2)

7th vs 8th: Ten Pin (13pts -3) vs Buffed Helmets (12pts +20)

And the other important match being the Wooden Spoon game: Unbelievabowls (7pts -19) vs Salty Bowls (4pts -38)

Yes, after quite superbly playing the hand that handicapper Half Price dealt them every week, the Bowling Stones finished as the minor premiers for Spring 2024, although this week was a disappointment from a competitive standpoint, as the Buffed Helmets (Sitting 3rd after Week 4) were wiped out by a combination of the heat, a Christmas function and being terrified of Tiff and the ladies, denying us what would’ve been an almighty contest to decide a Grand Final spot, but alas, the Stones were the winners, claiming 4 points by the two sweetest words in the English language… DE-FAULT!

Last year the rule was that a walkover would result in a 4-point win and +12 shots (1 shot for every end + 2 powerplays), however that was revised by the committee to 4-point win with no shots, as the loss of points and the fall down the ladder for the dunce team was the greater punishment.

So with a relaxing evening ahead, Tiff and the team enjoyed an evening of wine tasting, which was interrupted by a roll-up on Rink 3.

As for their opponents, Shapes ensured 2nd spot on the ladder thanks to a romping 1st Set win against the Unbelievabowls (12-1) on Synthetic Rink 5, then Craig and the team recovered from dropping a 3 halfway through the 2nd Set to level the scores at 4-4, and the game seemed destined to go to a tiebreak as the Unbelievabowls drew the shot a foot away from the jack on the last end, but Craig made up for an earlier near miss by nailing his last drive to clean out the shot bowl without moving the jack or any of his own bowls, going from 1 down to 2 up and securing the win, and with it the Shapes also finished 1st on the night with a +13 shot margin.

Another pleasing fact is that this also means we’ll have a first-time champion this season, as the Bowling Stones are not the same Bowling Stones that won the title in the Summer 2020 competition (Those Stones were led by Cheryl & Brad Hogg), and Shapes are into a decider after joining the competition for the Spring 2022 season.

Leading off the 3rd vs 4th final is the aforementioned Macatac, as their 2 points from the 2nd Set proved to be enough to get them into 3rd, with just 2 points separating 3rd from 10th…

And their opponents will be the reptiles from Crawshaw Crescent, as Crawshaw Crisis Committee managed to finish in 4th on the ladder despite having a negative shot variance over 5 weeks, and a team finishing in the Top 4 with negative shot variance is a historic first for Manning Jack Attack, as the previous low was Team Some Hope with +3 shots in the Spring 2017 competition, which was held over 4 weeks.

Despite being without Wilko and being saddled with Disorderly Decca, the Crawshaw Crew came back after Manning Up whipped them 14-4 in the 1st Set, as two moments late in the game proved the difference between 4th and missing the finals altogether, as the last end of the 2nd Set (With Crawshaw leading 4-3) saw John McGinn nail the jack out the back to make 2 and hold game for Manning Up, only for Malcolm to steal the ‘Miracle Malcolm’ nickname from Malcolm Johnston by charging up the middle, nailing the jack and taking the shot away, enough to win the set 5-3 to make a tiebreak, then the Crawshaw crew smuggled one bowl into the head during the tiebreak, which proved enough to hold shot and win the game.

That also meant that for the first time since Week 5 of the Summer 2021 competition, we had a team finish in the weekly Top 3 on variance despite losing the tiebreak… and by a rather hilarious coincidence, the winning team of that tiebreak was Crawshaw against the Tiebreak Turkeys, the predecessor team of Manning Up.

Unfortunately for John and the micromanagers, Half Price had also long since decided that “We don’t award mediocrity on a Wednesday night”, so now the Top 3 biggest winning teams earn the weekly prizes.

Finishing in 5th place with an almighty finish in Week 5 was Ebowla Bad, Ibowla Good, and highlighting the importance of a straight sets win in Week 5, EBIG rocketed from 12th up to 5th thanks to claiming all 4 points with an 8-shot variance against Bowl Movements on Synthetic Rink 2, the cherry on top coming when EBIG picked up 4 on the last end to win the 2nd set 8-7, with those 4 shots being the difference between 5th and potentially missing the Top 10 altogether.

That result also earned EBIG 2nd overall on the night, a result that will no doubt surprise Ben and Dave who had to take off early.

Their opponents in 6th place are the Spring 2023 champions Norfolk Enchants, and somehow Quinny and the team got into the Top 6 after being involved in 5 consecutive close games, the last of which was an epic contest against Rock N Bowl on Synthetic Rink 4, and the implications were such that the winner of the game would make the Top 6, and with the results panning out the way they did, the loser would miss the Top 8 altogether.

As it played out, the Norfolkers won the 1st Set 9-3, but Rock N Bowl (With Belinda back this week) returned fire and won the 2nd Set 9-1 to set up the ultimate tiebreak, but it would be Quinny, Guy and Tim who held on to win the decisive end to take 6th spot, and having triumphantly won the tiebreak, Quinny decided to take the Jack Attack trophy home so he could spend one last week with it as the defending Spring Jack Attack champion… even though we never engraved their names on the trophy.

Showcasing how brutal the result was, by losing the tiebreak, Rock N Bowl missed the Top 8 by all of 1 shot on variance.

Getting up 7th spot after Week 5 was Ten Pin, who got there in the most Ten Pin way possible, by winning a tiebreak against Verse 1 on Synthetic 1, although this game wasn’t like most of Ten Pin’s tiebreaks, in which they get well beaten in the 1st Set before winning a tight 2nd Set, as Ten Pin won the 1st Set 8-2, followed by Verse 1 winning the 2nd Set 5-4 thanks to holding 2 on their powerplay, as Peter did plonk down a few wrong biases, but eventually the oldest team in Jack Attack, with special guest floater Greg, won the tiebreak, helping Ten Pin jump from 10th to 7th, and after every result was tallied up, Verse 1 stayed in 16th.

So this season Ten Pin have had 5 games with 4 tiebreaks (Winning 2 of them), and the only game that didn’t go to a tiebreak had a drawn set.

As for their opponents, once we worked out everything, the Buffed Helmets hung on to 8th spot by all of 1 shot from Rock N Bowl, and if you’d like to see the Buffed Helmets’ highlights from Wednesday night, here they are:

And the other important game next week will be the Wooden Spoon game, and this season’s contestants will be the aforementioned Unbelievabowls, who finished in 23rd having picked up all of 3 points in 4 games since their Week 1 straight sets win, and in last spot is the winless Salty Bowls, who did double their season points tally in Week 5, but lost to the Pepperjacks in a tiebreak in a duel of the cellar dwellers, and there was an interesting scenario that if the Salty Bowls had won that tiebreak (And remained in 24th), the Pepperjacks would’ve been 23rd on the ladder and the teams would be playing again next week, although it’ll simply go down as a what if.

So completing the results for Week 5, if you lost track through those Top 8 results:

1st: Shapes (4pts +13)

2nd: EBIG (4pts +8)

As for 3rd place, thanks to Manning Up losing the tiebreak and being ruled ineligible, the Great Bowls of Fire would be the team to finish in 3rd with a straight sets +7 shot win against Rip It Up on Grass Rink 2, and it seemed at least 3 of those shots were pretty much gift wrapped to them by Coopes and the Rip It Up team whacking short bowls in for shot.

Another highlight of the night came when Jonesy got a toucher voucher for a bowl that didn’t touch, to which he replied “Don’t worry, I’ll get it with this one”, and true to his word he landed a toucher…

That gave shot to Rip It Up.

After last week’s calamity, the Great Bowls finished up 14th on the ladder, while Rip It Up endured a big fall from 9th to 15th.

Next door on Grass Rink 1, with Ellen Mac backing up and stealing Trudy’s thunder as team manager, the Sausage Bowls had a wild contest against Holding Shots, as the 1st Set featured Holding Shots winning by a comfortable 8-1, then the Sausage Bowls responded with a huge momentum swing to win the 2nd Set 13-1, then held 2 in the tiebreak to secure the win, while those 2 points for the 1st Set ensured Holding Shots would avoid the prospect of playing off for a wooden spoon in their debut season.

On Grass Rink 3, Bowled Guys continued their late season return to prominence by defeating the CDs in 1.5 sets, as the 1st Set finished in a 3-3 draw thanks to a double powerplay final end, in which Loose Bruce drew the shot for the Bowled Guys on the last bowl, and the 2nd Set was much more comfortable, as our resident chrome domes were never troubled thanks to stifling a late powerplay from the CDs to win the set and the game 7-1, and only conceding 1 shot is what we call a Claytons shutout, because it’s the shutout you have when you’re not having a shutout.

That also meant the Bowled Guys, CDs and Great Bowls of Fire all finished on 11 points, with the shots from the 2nd Set win getting the Bowled Guys above the CDs into 12th.

And the lucky last result for Week 5 was the most colourful game of the night, as B Cups 1 and 2 met in a derby in the Challenger Avenue carpark that is Synthetic Rink 8, and after weeks of waiting and agonising over their new team shirts since the name change from Stop Drop & Bowl and This Is How We Roll, the night had finally arrived, and the shirts are a lovely touch to raising awareness for breast cancer research, a true credit to Sharyn, Tracy, Lisa, Jodie and the team(s):

I haven’t seen that much pink in a Manning Jack Attack uniform since the Babes With Balls were still part of the competition.

As for the game, it was a rather raucous affair that at one stage featured a sledging contest between Lisa and Decca from Crawshaw on Rink 7 , B Cups 1 did win the 1st Set 5-4 thanks to 3 shots on the last end, followed by B Cups 2 dominating the 2nd Set 9-2 to set up the tiebreak, and B Cups 1 did enough to hold shot and win, a result that worked out well for both teams as B Cups 1 secured a maiden Top 10 finish for any of Sharyn’s Jack Attack teams, and the 2 points helped B Cups 2 avoid the Wooden Spoon game.

Results

Scoring – 2 points for a set win, 1 point for a tied set, 1 for a tiebreak win, tiebreaks aren’t counted in score differential

Tuesday

Synthetic 2: Chiko Bowls (3pts 0) defeated Macatac (2pts 0), 9/2 1/8 2/0 in the tiebreak

Wednesday

Grass 1: Sausage Bowls (3pts +5) defeated Holding Shots (2pts -5), 1/8 13/1 2/0 in the tiebreak

Grass 2: Great Bowls of Fire (4pts +7) defeated Rip It Up, 7/1 3/2

Grass 3: Bowled Guys (3pts +6) defeated CDs (1pt -6), 3/3 7/1

Synthetic 1: Ten Pin (3pts +5) defeated Verse 1 (2pts -5), 8/2 4/5 1/0 in the tiebreak

Synthetic 2: Ebowla Bad, Ibowla Good (4pts +8) defeated Bowl Movements, 11/4 8/7

Synthetic 3: Bowling Stones (4pts) won in a walkover vs Buffed Helmets

Synthetic 4: Norfolk Enchants (3pts -2) defeated Rock N Bowl (2pts -2), 9/3 1/9 1/0 in the tiebreak

Synthetic 5: Shapes (4pts +13) defeated Unbelievabowls, 12/1 6/4

Synthetic 6: Pepperjacks (3pts -1) defeated Salty Bowls (2pts +1), 1/4 4/2 3/0 in the tiebreak

Synthetic 7: Crawshaw CC (3pts -8) defeated Manning Up (2pts +8), 4/14 5/3 1/0 in the tiebreak

Synthetic 8: B Cups 1 (3pts -6) defeated B Cups 2 (2pts -6), 5/4 2/9 1/0 in the tiebreak

Ladder

Captain’s Comments

Sharyn, B Cups 1: “Pulled it out do our arse”

Lisa, B Cups 2, replying to Sharyn: “You wouldn’t be saying that if you lost!”

Alex, Pepperjacks: “Village.”

Malcolm, Crawshaw CC: “Pricey told us if you bowled at 50% all day, e.g 1 bowl out of 2, you’d have a better chance at winning… is that why he’s called Half Price?”

“We also had an end tonight where Decca said ‘Am I playing’… he’d already bowled one that end.”

Decca, Crawshaw CC: “We asked Graeme how many feet the bowl was from the jack… it is Graeme, so he replied one”.

Quinny, Norfolk Enchants: “Tim didn’t do a wrong bias, but he put more bowls out of bounds than he’s ever had… worthy of a visit from Plugger.”

Todd, Great Bowls of Fire: “It was a hot summer night, and the green was burning, it felt like we were back at home in the summer.”

Craig, Rip It Up: “Bowled well, lost both sets but we bowled well”