See what I did with that title? It’s very punny if I say so myself.

AFL

After what feels like a lifetime, the shortened JLT Series is back on Thursday, with Carlton and Essendon playing at Princes Park (Or whatever crappy sponsor name it has now). In good news for our Dons fans, their lovable lanky doofus Joe Daniher will be playing for the first time since May of last year.

According to a few former Saints figures, the league is an Avengers-style crossover between Scarface and Trainspotting.

Saints captain Nick Riewoldt joined his former coach Grant Thomas in speaking out about recreational drug use in the AFL, with Roo saying that the league’s drugs policy is “out of control” and players can now get away with it.

Combining that with Thomas saying drug use was rife at the Saints when he was coach, does this mean I can put an asterisk next to St Kilda’s Drawn Grand Final in 2010, since most of those players were around during his tenure?

And in jumper news, Hawthorn have a new alternate design that doesn’t look laughably crap!

The Hawks are paying homage to club legend John Kennedy Senior, with the design based on their jumpers from 1933, a simpler time when the Mayblooms were the VFL’s punching bag.

RIP Power Rangers.

The Horses

Racing fans and experts alike want to see a matchup between Chris Waller’s stars, boom three-year-old The Autumn Sun and the wonder mare Winx, most likely in the George Ryder on March 23.

But former trainer Peter Moody isn’t one of them, saying on RSN that TAS simply isn’t good enough, and that Winx would “Tow him inside out,” and that he would be better off sticking in 3YO group races.

Moods isn’t one to blow smoke, and unless owner John Messara wants TAS to get a nice look at Winx’s arse as he flies down the outside, then it won’t happen. Of course, his estimated stud value of $30-40 million would make it easy for John.

Of course Winx returns this weekend in the Chipping Norton Stakes at Randwick (Of course, formerly run at Warwick Farm)- She can join Tie The Knot as a four-time winner of the race.

Apprentice jockey Chris Caserta is back in boiling water with the Victorian stewards after being charged with placing six bets on the horses last year (No races he was riding in) using his own TAB account, under rule AR83 (c):

Every jockey or apprentice may be penalised —

(c) If he bet, or facilitates the making of, or has any interest in a bet on any race or contingency relating to thoroughbred racing, or if he be present in the betting ring during any race meeting.

The Australian Rules Of Racing

Caserta earned a four month ban last year for a banned substance, and now he’s been stupid enough to get caught betting in his own name. Dead set, he’d score less on an IQ test than Forrest Gump.

Cricket

It can’t be a coincidence that a team full of Melbourne Stars players would crap the bed when they were so close to chasing down a realtively small total.

Fortunately, Australia managed to recover against India in that T20 once Peter Handscomb holed out, allowing Pat Cummins and Jye Richardson to get the Aussies home on the last ball in Visakhapatnam.

Meanwhile, Cameron Bancroft is hard at work in Bankstown trying to make sure WA don’t lose by an innings.

NBL

Fortunately the NBL finals begin on Thursday, just in time to distract everyone from the fact that Australia lost to Iran in World Cup qualifying on Monday morning. Of course it make little difference, as the Boomers finished on top of their group.

Did you know Australia lost to Iran?

Supercars

Speaking of big events just around the corner, the Adelaide 500 kicks off the Supercars season this weekend, And by gee by jingo by crikey, it’s gonna be a warm one!

37 on Thursday, 40 on Friday and Saturday, and then 33 on Sunday to kill off any fans that haven’t been burned to death by then.