AFL: Round 4 Review IS LIVE NOW! CLICK HERE!

AVERAGE SCORE THROUGH ROUND 4: 80 POINTS, THE LOWEST SINCE 1967.

NRL: Round 5

Wests Tigers 22 defeated Brisbane 16 @ Suncorp Stadium

I could spend this entire segment cracking jokes about how crap the Broncos are, and how the Daily Telegraph’s legal team in the Geoffrey Rush defamation case showed better defence than Darius Boyd (Yet again), but to be honest, the Broncos as a team are a giant joke in themselves.

When you bomb two easy tries (At least Jack Bird now has a highlight for the Broncos) and completely arse up a set of six that started on the halfway line, you probably won’t win.

And you also probably won’t win when you can’t put a finger on Michael Chee-Kam with a minute to go, allowing him to barnstorm through and score the winning try.

Amazing how the NRL teams in Queensland can go down the toilet, while simultaneously, both AFL teams are going good guns.

It’s like The Opposite episode of Seinfeld, where George’s life becomes better, while Elaine’s life becomes worse.

Gold Coast 30 defeated Penrith 24 @ Cbus ‘Shuper’ Stadium

Nope, that’s not a typo, the Titans have upheld the honour of Queensland rugby league, in Mick Gordon’s 250th game!

Sometimes the games between the rabble of sporting competitions prove to be some of the best games of the season, and this was actually a half-decent contest, in which the Titans managed to lead 18-12 at the half, having only scored 8 1st half points all season.

Good on you Ivan, you made another team besides your own t

The Panthers took the lead 24-18 with a pair of converted tries, though Wallace hit right back, and it took Bruce Cartwright being taken out during a chase, and the subsequent awarding of a penalty try in the 67th minute, to end the Tits horror start to the season.

Where once the wheel was turning but the hamster was dead in Australian sport’s Bermuda Triangle, the same could now be said for Penrith, as their inspired coaching change takes another wrong turn.

Ivan ‘The Terrible’ Cleary has now overtaken Ricky Stuart for the lowest winning percentage for 300-game coaches, meaning he can paraphrase a classic bit of dialogue from Pirates of the Carribean:

“You are without a doubt the worst 300 game coach I’ve heard of.”

“But you have heard of me.”

Melbourne 18 defeated North Queensland 12 @ 1300SMILES Stadium

A HISTORIC NIGHT IN TOWNSVILLE, AS THE FANS FLOCKED TO 1300SMILES STADIUM, AND HUNDREDS OF MILLIONS WERE GLUED TO THEIR TVS….

To see Sandor Earl play his first NRL game since 2013!

And apparently Cameron Smith broke the First-Grade points scoring record!

In terms of highlights, the game did go somewhat downhill after that, firstly with Josh McGuire performing some laser surgery on Cameron Munster’s eyes. With his fingers.

Well you could say that Munster… didn’t see it coming.

Munster didn’t lodge a complaint, and McGuire has escaped with a $3350 fine for “Contrary conduct”.

Is that including GST?

And then capping off the night, Nene Macdonald broke his leg after a horror collision with Cowboys’ teammate John Asiata, after Macdonald had his leg taken out from underneath- But as the pair were attended to by trainers and doctors, the referees allowed the play to continue for more than 30 seconds, during which time Munster ended up flat on his back after being hit following a kick.

Good to see that the referees will stop a game for a blood nose, but they won’t stop when a bloke’s lying on the ground with his leg at an obtuse angle.

South Sydney 28 defeated New Zealand 24 @ Sunshine Coast Stadium

Walkin’ On The Sun(shine).

The first ever game for Premiership points on the Sunshine Coast, and didn’t the locals get their moneys worth, as the Warriors overcame an early 6-12 deficit (Cody Walker scoring both Rabbits tries) to race to a 24-12 lead with half-an-hour to play, but Walker (And Damien Cook) weren’t done yet.

Ethan Lowe scored with 20 minutes left (24-18 Warriors), then Cook fed it to Walker for his hat-trick with 8 minutes to play (24-all), and then repeated the dish, flicking it to Walker on the left with 2:30 who crashed over with great desperation, getting the green light from the referee.

This was all despite the fact that Reynolds was in position for the drop goal to Cook’s right.

It’s always easier to feast when you’ve got a good Cook feeding you.

A successful stop on the Bennett Bunny Bus following the brief delay last week in Brookvale, and chances are with Walker’s form, they’ll run Bill Shorten’s bus off the road, asserting that there’s only room for one big red (And green) bus on Australian roads.

Sadly though, Greg Inglis won’t be going on any more.

Manly 26 defeated Newcastle 18 @ McDonald Jones Stadium

It was DCE’s 250th game, and the Eagles celebrated by handing the Knights their worst defensive performance of the season within 20 minutes, leading 18-0, which was a lead they never gave up, even though the Knights did close the gap to 12-18 with half-an-hour to play, only for the Sea Eagles to hit back and seal the game with the second best hyphen on team- Addin Fonua-Blake!

Sadly for the Knights, Aidan Guerra’s year is over, after scoring a try during, he broke both bones in his right leg attempting a tackle with 7 minutes

To paraphrase Eddie Izzard, the Knights are like the Austro-Hungarian Empire… slowly collapsing like a flan in a cupboard.

As for the Sea Eagles, those weeks of playing without Tommy Turbo, should give them experience of what it’s like to play without Tommy Turbo going in to the future.

Sydney 30 defeated Cronulla 16 @ Shark Park

After realising that a loss would tie him with Scotty Prince’s record for the most losses in First-Grade history at 166, Paul Gallen was ruled out before the game, yet again- Although his rib injury may have had a part in that.

In all, between Luke Keary (Finished with 2 try assists) setting up Latrell Mitchell’s runaway score before the half, to Matty Ikuvalu’s try in the 49th minute, the Roosters scored 4 converted tries in the span of 10 minutes of play, which literally won them the game with half-an-hour to play, although a few late tries masked up the live baiting the Sharks received.

As if the Sharks forward pack hadn’t suffered enough losses at the hands of drum lines, Andrew Fifita went off with a bad hamstring, joining Gallen, Aaron Woods and Wade Graham on the injury list- Some 1000+ games potentially out for the Thursday game.

On the bright side, they’re only playing Penrith.

Storm-Roosters on Good Friday at AAMI Park- Apparently it’s the most anticipated Grand Final rematch since the Roosters played the Panthers in Round 4, 2004!

St George Illawarra 40 defeated Canterbury 4 @ Jubilee Stadium

When I said “Don’t be shocked if the Doggies are right in the finish again”, I probably should’ve said “Don’t be shocked if the Doggies are within 6 tries at the finish again”.

The star of the romp was easily Ben Hunt, scoring a 2nd half double and setting up 3 more tries, as the Dragons breathed fired and flew into 7th, and also wiped out their negative points differential (Moving to +10).

If Cody Walker hadn’t popped up with 4 tries on Saturday, then Hunt would probably be the performance of the round by a player.

The Berries deserve the applause of the rugby league community, for their efforts in raising the self-esteem of the Queensland teams, by making sure the 3 of them aren’t 14th, 15th and 16th on the ladder.

Canberra 19 defeated Parramatta 0 @ GIO Stadium

The Raiders recorded their first shutout at ‘Bruce’ Stadium since 2013, and now after moving on to 4-1, have recorded their best start to an NRL season since 2005.

Which isn’t exactly saying much, since in that ’05 season, they were equal top (4th on PD) after Round 9, only to die in the arse thanks to key injuries and finish second-last.

But this Raiders team is very different, as noted by their defensive prowess, which wasn’t exactly kind on a Raiders old boy in Blake Ferguson, leaving him with broken ribs and a slightly re-arranged face.

And to close things off, here’s Haz taking time out from ‘smashing’ his mate’s TV in anger, to congratulate Smithy on breaking his record.

GOLF: AUSSIE WATCH AT THE MASTERS

FINAL SCORES: Jason Day (-11, T5), Adam Scott (-6, T18), Marc Leishman (+1, T49), Cam Smith (+2 T51)

The Queenslanders Jason Day and Adam Scott were both fighting for the lead after 36 holes, but then the behemoth that is Augusta did what it’s done to Aussies for 82 out of 83 years, and that’s destroy our hopes and dreams.

Further back, Cameron Smith couldn’t follow up on his tie for 5th last year, while the Leish was never really there, but being from ‘The ‘Bool’, he probably isn’t all there to begin with.

Day’s back is broken after years of carrying Australian golf, as was discovered whilst playing with his daughter on Thursday, but he was outstanding in extreme circumstances, and it was only a bad performance on moving day that cost him a shot at victory.

But forget about about all that, because they weren’t the main event.

I stayed up to watch the last day (Thanks to the early start it was on at 9pm), because it’s the damn Masters, and by gee by jingo by crikey, it was one of ‘those’ moments watching sport that you never forget.

Watching Tiger in that final round was like watching a legendary creature suddenly appear from absolutely nowhere, to the awe and wonder of the crowd, like a calling back to our childhoods- Tiger, brazen in his famous red shirt, leading at a major.

THE BIG CAT WAS ON THE PROWL ONCE AGAIN!

That 12th hole was incredible, and it was when the worm started to turn- The rain starting to fall, Molinari put his tee shot into the drink, Tiger landed on the green, and then Finau joined Molinari in creating a three-way tie, while further ahead Patrick Cantlay and Xander Schauffele were charging- Cantlay eventually faded late, while Schauffele finished at 12 under.

Koepka was climbing up, and then on the 15th, Molinari clipped a Pine Tree and his shot landed square in the drink. He was done.

Tiger then nailed 2 birdies, and when Koepka missed his Birdie on the 18th, he only needed at least a bogey to win Green Jacket #5.

He got a bogey.

The greatest sporting comeback since Rocky Balboa came back to fight Mason ‘The Line’ Dixon in 2006!

Racing: The end of the Queen’s reign

The eyes of the world were on Winx on the second day of the ‘Championswamps’ at Woyal Wandwick, but there were other Group Ones on the day that Chris Waller could wipe the floor with.

Just quietly, Barend Vorster has made Adelaide his personal cat scratching post, picking up another double.

A Verry Elleegant performance in the Oaks- Waller 99 not out

Darren Weir being rubbed out was the best thing that happened to the Kiwi filly, and Chris Waller +JMac were able to do what DK couldn’t in the Spring- Get her to run a booming 12 furlongs.

If Chris needs a mare to headline another Cox Plate charge, VE’s the lady in waiting.

Winx wins the Queen Elizabeth, #33 in a row, Joins Phar Lap on 37 wins, And Waller brings up his century!

Unlike Octagonal and Lonhro, Winx got a farewell win in the Queen Elizabeth!

Speaking of which, big performance by the Japanese runner Kluger!

And it appears that one fan was really excited to see her go.

Shraaoh cracks it for Jay Ford & Waller!

Many moons ago kids, a relatively unknown young country hoop by the name of Jay Ford was legged aboard a Cinderella horse by the name of Takeover Target, who became the fastest horse in the world and won many Group Ones.

A decade later, Ford has finally won another Group One!

Keneda brings the first Group One for Maher-Eustace in the Coolmore Legacy!

The last time I remember hearing about Kenedna she was getting beaten around by Egg Tart in Queensland. Not anymore!

Superb ride by Allen to blouse them all on the line, beating the retiring Dixie Blossoms.

Yep, you probably didn’t realise Winx wasn’t the only Group One winning mare to retire on Saturday.

A-League: Round 25- BOUND FOR GLORY

The premier is decided, the finals teams are locked in, now to decide the remaining order!

Brisbane Roar 2 defeated Wellington Phoenix 1 @ Suncorp Stadium

See, Brisbane did win at Lang Park this weekend!

The Brisbane Roar! Only their 4th win of the season!

Melbourne City 0 drew Adelaide United 0 @ AAMI Park

Next.

Sydney FC 1 drew Western Sydney 1 @ ANZ Stadium

A Derby to finish off Sydney’s chances at a hat-trick of Premiers Plates.

Melbourne Victory 2 defeated Central Coast 1 @ AAMI Park

Good on the Mariners for actually making a game of it in the 2nd half, especially after Ola Toivonen opened the scoring with some sublime one-touch movement.

Only 2 points behind Sydney now are the Big V- The fight for 2nd isn’t over yet!

Perth Glory 1 defeated Newcastle Jets 0 @ NIB Stadium

THE GREATEST MOMENT SINCE THE 04 NSL GRAND FINAL! THE GLORY FINALLY HAVE A PIECE OF SILVERWARE IN THE A-LEAGUE ERA!

WHEEL OUT BERND STANGE, BRING BACK BOBBY DESPOTOVSKI, WHIP OUT THE SO FRESH CD, WE’RE GONNA PARTY LIKE IT’S 2004!

Super Rugby: Round 9

Can I just say, as a drunk, an idolater and a liar, I found what Israel Folau said about my people to be utterly appalling and offensive, and I’ll be asking for an apology on behalf of the millions of us in this country.

And based on the state of Australian rugby, you’d have to be a drunk to get through watching any of our teams play without switching the channel.

Stormers 41 defeated Rebels 24 @ AAMI Park

I believe this is what us regular folks call, a “Reality check.”

A 15 minute burst of 24 unanswered points smoked the hosts, mainly Ruhan Nel, who scored a double.

Brumbies 31 defeated Lions 20 @ GIO Stadium

Another thrilling twist in the crumbling tale of the Australian Conference, as the Brumbies returned to the confines of Cam-berra to knock off the 3-time finalists on a Saturday night.

The Brumbies did well to only concede one try while Tom Wright was on a yellow card, and they recovered to take control of the game and get win #3 of the year.

Wright did end up scoring a try in the 2nd half!

Bulls 32 defeated Reds 17 @ Lotfus Versfield

The hosts were way too good in Pretoria, nearly tripling the Reds in metres (666-228) and smashing their defence in the first half and then took care of business as the Queenslanders tried to fight back in the 2nd half.

Basketball- Baynes,Ben and Bogut and the NBA Playoffs

Ben Simmons- Philly lose Game 1 to the Nets 111-102

Did struggle a little bit- Only 9 points on 4-9 shooting, and 1-5 from the line.

Andrew Bogut- All of 2 minutes off the bench in the Warriors win over the Clippers- Did score 3 points though

Aaron Baynes- 2 points and 9 rebounds in the Celtics’ 84-74 win over the Pacers

MOTORSPORT MONDAY, UP NEXT!