American Football

Tuesday Tithbits: 22nd October

Yohito Yahagi- The Japanese Mick Dundee

The FFA Cup Final is tomorrow night.

But then again, it’s been so poorly advertised, and the game is on Fox Sports, so pretty much nobody gives a crap about it.

Lys Gracieux’s trainer Yoshito Yahagi

Before he drew Barrier 15 (Which will probably become 11 with the emergencies being scratched), Yahagi strolled into Moonee Valley with a get-up that, once translated from Japanese to English, says “That’s not a horse, THIS is a horse.”


He’s the Samurai Dundee.

Of course, pound for pound, the Cox Plate is pretty much the best race in Australia, and now that Winx is gone, it’s a classic case of the cat goes away, and the mice come to play, and in a positive, we’re actually getting a full field of 14 this year.

Obviously because the MVRC select the runners, some people had a cry about Te Akau Shark (Who hasn’t even won a Group 1) getting in over someone like Humidor (Who placed in the last 2 Cox Plates, yet hasn’t won in a year), plus the other international invites Kluger (Who ran 2nd in Winx’s farewell), Magic Wand, and the English horse Danceteria getting in over the other locals, and you know what I say to that?

What do you think the Australian Open would be like if they only let Australian players compete?

The same as a Cox Plate full of Australian WFA horses- Laughably shit.

More funnyness

Castelvecchio, the resident Cox Plate 3YO, is $15 into $8 for the race.


Even with the weight relief, he simply isn’t good enough to sniff the arses of the internationals.

He’s not So You Think, he’s not Savabeel, and he’s not Octagonal.

The last note

In fact, it’s been so damn long, that most people don’t even the last horse that wasn’t Winx who won the race.

It was Aidan O’Brien’s Irish raider Adelaide, ridden by Ryan Moore, who was a Northern Hemisphere 3YO when he won, in what was only his 8th career start.

Funnily enough, that was Adelaide’s best performance during the Melbourne spring since the 1998 Grand Final.

Another reminder that Queensland Racing are the worst jurisdiction in Australia

This time, it’s the inquiry into a fall which has taken Corey Brown out of the saddle for a year, and forced him to work alongside Channel 7’s grating personalities trackside this Spring.

For reference, the actual incident occurred in the Queensland Derby on the 8th of June, when Brown was riding Lord Arthur, Tommy Berry rode Nobu, and Matthew McGillivray rode Grand Bouquet, with Berry and McGillivray squeezing Lord Arthur in the straight, causing a horror fall that nearly paralysed Brown, and led to Lord Arthur being euthanised.

And yes, I said that correctly, the 8th of June.



Back in August, chief steward Peter Chadwick said the delays were “The result of logistics of getting all four jockeys together at the one time.”



They even forced Brown, who was the victim in all this, TO PAY FOR HIS OWN FLIGHTS.

He loses an entire year’s worth of income, and you force him to pay for his flights.

And to cap it off, Berry ‘only’ got 2 weeks, and McGillivray got 3 weeks, and yet, because of the equally pathetic nature of the appeals process, the two haven’t served a day of that punishment.

Think about this- Kathy O’Hara originally got 3 months for using a phone several dozen times in the jockey’s rooms, probably looking at weird cat videos and sexting her partner.

Tweedledee and Tweedledum didn’t even get serious time for causing a fall that killed a horse and resulted in a fellow jockey suffering a serious long-term injury.

Absolutely no wonder it took those useless Banana Benders 3 years to finally punish Ben Currie.

Based on this, the investigation into the crap going on in those knackeries will probably be resolved at the turn of the 22nd century.

More Michael Cheika crap

This time it’s former England international Ugo Monye teeing off on him.

“One of the most selfish tactical gameplans I’ve seen in a long time.”

Australians in the NFL: Week 7 Update

Mitch Wishnowsky (49ers) defeated Redskins 9-0 @ FedEx Field

In some the worst conditions seen on a football field outside of the Deep South in a Hurricane, the Niners and Redskins better resembled submarines fighting in the Atlantic during the Second World War.

In the end, the only scoring was Robbie Gould’s 3 field goals (He did miss another), with Wishnowsky, possibly equipped in a scuba mask, holding on all 3 attempts.

That was only once more than he punted for the afternoon.

Fittingly, the game ended with a Niners sack on Redskins QB Case Keenum to preserve the shutout, which Nick Bosa celebrated with a damn funny slip and slide as time expired.

The Niners are now 6-0, their best start to a season since 1990, although in an odd quirk, because the Niners were a 10 point favourite, the Redskins actually covered the betting line, making them the first team to be shut out and cover a spread since the 2007 Dolphins lost 3-0 to the Steelers, in a game played in similar horrible conditions… best remembered for a punt becoming perfectly lodged into the mud.

Funnily enough, they’re playing on Monday Night/Tuesday Morning next week.

Michael Dickson (Seahawks) lost 30-16 to the Balitmore Ravens @ CenturyLInk Field

Lamar Jackson didn’t do much in the air (9/20 passing), but as he’s done to many teams since coming in to the NFL, he killed the Seahawks on the ground, with 116 yards and a touchdown on 14 attempts, as Pete Carroll’s supposed gameplan to try and curtail Jackson went as well as passing on the goal line with 30 seconds left in a Super Bowl.

The Ravens’ defence got to Russell Wilson better than anyone has so far in 2019, holding the MVP favourite to 20/41 and 241 yards passing, as he threw his first interception in 2019, which Marcus Peters read like a Page 3 girl, and returned for a 67-yard touchdown.

After the Seahawks tied the scores at 13, Jackson scored his touchdown, the Ravens kicked a field goal to make it a 2 score game, and then with 3 minutes to go, the Ravens sealed the win with another defensive touchdown, a fumble recovery by Marlon Humphrey.

Dickson punted 3 times for 154 yards, with 1 punt landing inside the 20 (Which Cyrus Jones returned 6 yards), and another going for a touchback.

He also held for all 5 of Jason Myers’ kicks, with Myers going 3/4 on Field Goals (The only miss was a 53 yard kick wide right which would’ve put the Seahawks ahead 16-13) and nailing his only Extra Point attempt.

Cameron Johnston (Eagles) – Lost to the Dallas Cowboys 37-10 at Jerryworld

God I love Eagles-Cowboys games.

It’s one of the few rivalries in the NFL where both fans hate the other team more than they love their own.

Then again, that’s the same for most rivalries for Philadelphia’s sports teams.

During the week, Eagles coach Doug Pederson pretty much declared that the Eagles would go down to Dallas and win the game, which absolutely wouldn’t backfire in anyway, especially after the Eagles did the same thing last year, and lost in Overtime.

Doug should have realised that guarantees haven’t worked since Joe Namath’s deal with the devil before Super Bowl III.

On the Eagles’ first drive, they fumbled at midfield, the Cowboys recovered the ball and scored a touchdown, and on, the next drive Carson Wentz was strip-sacked, the Cowboys recovered the ball again, this at the Eagles’ 20, and scored another touchdown.

14-0 inside 7 minutes, and it was 27-7 at the half after Brett Maher kicked a massive 63-yard field goal as time expired, and the punch to the mouth that the Cowboys inflicted had left the Eagles with a hypothetically seriously broken jaw.

37-10 the final score, and oddly enough, the Cowboys have never lost to the Eagles when star running back Zeke Elliott plays (They’re now 5-0, and Elliott has run for 100+ yards 4 times).

Johnston punted 3 times for 152 yards, of which two were returned for 6 yards by Randall Cobb and Tavon Austin, and he also held on both of Jake Elliott’s successful kicks (A Field Goal and an Extra Point).

Remarkably, the Eagles’ kicker hasn’t missed in 2019.

I think it’s because of Cam’s holding.

Lachie Edwards (Jets) – Lost 33-0 to the Patriots @ Metlife Stadium

In a battle between the premier franchise in the NFL and the team of rank amateurs who used to be rivals, the Patriots scored 3 touchdowns and a field goal on their first 4 drives of the 1st half, as the Jets produced one of the Jetsiest perofrmances that ever Jetsed its way into existance.

5 turnovers, a safety from a bad snap, in the biggest Monday Night shutout blowout win in 14 years.

Then again, most people weren’t watching for the Jets- They were only watching to see the trailer for Star Wars Epiode 9, but those that did watch the remainder of the blowout were treated to a remarkable sight.


In true Belichick style, it was because of the punt team taking a delay of game to give punter Jake Bailey more room, which Jets’ head coach Adam Gase declined, so he had the team intentionally commit a false start penalty… which was also declined.

Absolutely hilarious- He’s completely destroyed the Jets as a franchise for 20 years running.

As for Edwards, with all those turnovers and ineptitude on offense, he punted 5 times, of which only 2 returned by Gunner Olszeski, for 2 and 22 yards.

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