Lawn Bowls

Manning Twilight Bowls Review: 20th November

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I can see the Young Guns giving mouth to mouth to one of the bowls

Week 3 of the Twilight Bowls competition at Manning Memorial, and to spice things up before the night began, Half Price organised what was known as the Corner Challenge, where one representative from each team lined up at the far end of the green, the Jack was set in the opposite corner, and simple stuff, whoever was closest to the pin took the cash.

A well-weighted shot gave the win to John of The Habibs, who recovered at least $50 of the cash that he and his dad Michael have invested in sponsoring the club via MV Wholesale, backing up from the cash that they claimed as the overall winners last week.

I’m thinking of a line from The Castle right now, and it’s not about a photocopier

Bravo John, there’s some of your investment back, although it was the only win The Habibs would have on Wednesday.

The Overall Night

The overall winners were the ever impressive Lawn Clippings (Featuring Jacky Garbin doing very good work for Movember), who ran up +13 on The Habibs, in what was a very anti-climatic top of the table clash, and that must surely send the Lawn Clippings into the overall lead, and one would think they’ll be bloody hard to stop now.

Looking at the other scores and it was another fairly close night overall, with several tied sets and tiebreakers, plus some sets being decided by a point, and I’d hazard a guess that most bowlers struggled with the fairly unseasonable conditions last night – It was barely 16 degrees with a very present sea breeze, which meant shots were going all over the place.

Either that, or some of them were just really crap out of the hand.


T-Birds 4 (+9) defeated GG’s 2 – 2-0 in a tiebreaker

CD’s 4 (+7) defeated Rippers 0

Young Guns 4 (+3) defeated Ten Pin 0

Lawn Clippings 4 (+13) defeated The Habibs 0

Team 180 3 (+2) defeated Babes With Balls 1- 2nd Set was a 4-4 tie

Great Bowls Of Fire 3 (+2) defeated Bulls & Arrows 1 – 1st Set was a 6-6 tie

Marg’s VII 4 (0) defeated Barking Owls 0 – Overall score was 11 apiece

Select Captain’s Comments:

Kochie (T-Birds): “We tried new bowls this week- 1/3 worked, 2/3 sucked, we lost the 1st Set, so we went back to the old ones, it worked, we picked up in the 2nd Set and won the tiebreaker.”

John (Bulls & Arrows): “Great close game, well done to Great Bowls of Fire, nearly had them, think we’ll get them next time.”

Brodie ‘25% Off’ Price (Young Guns): “Fantastic night, won the 1st set 5-3, then we went 3-0 down after 2 ends, snuck in the 3rd, then they played the powerplay in the 4th, they were holding 3, and then (Josh) Damargo comes in with the cannon and sits on the jack, so then we just had to win the last end, and it was a shocker, but I somehow held- We’re back in it!”

From the point of the view of the author, the main event of the night was Team Hope taking on another veteran team in Missing Moo’s (There’s definitely an apostrophe), featuring Presto, Shauny, Amy and ‘Filthy’ (I hope I pronounced that correctly), while the No Hopers had to make a team change, as Duff was off taking some sort of golfing related sickie, so emerging from the shadows help myself and Merv was none other than ‘The Don’ of No Hope Avenue, making a John Farnham-esque comeback after 8 months off.

It was bound to go like a 41-year-old Colin “Fatso” Cowdrey coming out of retirement facing DK Lillee and Jeff Thomson.

Needless to say, with the cool conditions and a prevalent sea breeze playing a part, I figured we might be up against it.

1st Set (Missing Moo’s 6-3)

With a 4 person lineup, the Moo’s ended up alternating on each end, with Shauny starting on the pine and mostly alternating with Filthy and Amy, with Presto playing the majority of the match and putting the Moo’s on his back.

In a rarity, Team Hope won the ‘toin coss’ and bowled first, and I somehow ended up producing a solid beginning, holding long enough for Merv to come in and add a 2nd holder.

Bowling last, Filthy went for the time-honoured chaos tactics, firing down an absolute rocket with his last shot, which absolutely smashed into Presto’s shot (On the top left of the photo), and both bowls somehow missed the jack by a poofteenth, missed crushing my toes by a millisecond, and would settle well beyond everything, giving the No Hopers 2 shots to start the night.

The 2nd end was fairly average, and ultimately Half Price was called out to provide a measurement, and despite the naked eye making us think that it was Merv holding, Presto’s bowl in the middle was declared the holder, with what turned out to be a clear (But small) margin on the tape.

Looks can be deceiving

That gave the jack to the Moo’s, and Amy rolled down the first of many short ends, which ended up being so short that it didn’t even reach the bottom of the ‘T’, and was set up right on it.

To use a cheap excuse, I blame the wind kicking up again for the fact that just about all of us missed the jack by a decent margin, despite putting no weight behind our shots, and it was ultimately Shauny who had his best moment of the night, by finishing no more than a foot from the jack to hold, just denying The Don, who ironically, probably should’ve put a smidgen of weight on his shot.

The 4th end was a weird one, and I’m not entirely sure what happened, but one of my shots held, despite finishing about 3 feet short of the jack.

Despite the score being 3-2 to Team Hope, both teams still had the power play, so it was another simple case of whoever held would win the set, which I think was just another case of both teams forgetting the thing even existed.

After setting up a middle length, I thought I’d fired down a good settler, but Filthy produced a deadset filthy animal of a bowl, that nudged the jack and finished up sitting right on it, then Presto added the caviar by smuggling in another pearler that slipped in just ahead of mine, giving the Moo’s 2 shots, which became 4, and in layman’s terms, they had run our arses over, to take the opening set 6 to 3.

You couldn’t get any better than that

I recall Filthy (And Shaun for that matter) bowled several shots like that throughout the evening that missed taking the jack by inches, so in the view of the writer, that effort there was no fluke.

2nd Set (Team Hope 10-5)

On the first delivery of the set, I reckon my night peaked when I touched the jack on my opening delivery, which I followed and celebrated to the point that I forgot I actually had a second shot.

One word- FIGJAM

That ended up holding, despite Shaun’s first shot only just missing mine, and Filthy’s shot that missed the jack by the proverbial bee’s pecker.

After yours truly set up a long 2nd end, Merv broke rank and suggested that the No Hopers be aggressive and use the powerplay, and after some internal debate, I took his advice.

It was an absolute rout- My second shot was right on the money, while Missing Moo struggled with the length, as only half of their shots ended up finishing in bounds, and with some solid reinforcement from Don and Merv, we ended up with 4, which turned into a whopping 8, and a 9-0 lead.

Merv, you’ve produce some memorable moments in your time, and this was one of them.

The 3rd end was once again nothing short of shizen to watch from all concerned, as fate seemed to force every bowl to end up clumped together left of the jack, in scenes resembling Northbridge on a Saturday, minus the drunks and divvy vans, and I think Merv may have somehow ended up holding by default, because the No Hopers did win the end.

Presto ready to send one down to join the rave party

We were also encountering problems with the game on Rink 2 between the CD’s and Rippers, with Presto and Merv’s shots colliding with a couple of bowls that were either out of bounds or were simply bowled at the same time- Commissioner Half Price read the rulebook, and they both received another shot for interference.

Still, the score moved along to 10-0, and during the 4th end, I was sent to the bar to get Don a handle, so given Don was bowling, all I was going to miss was a pair of shots starting too shallow and ending up further to the right than a Reclaim Australia member.

As it turned out, Amy’s ‘guppies’ (Her bowls had a guppy fish on them) got the job done, just denying Merv, who somehow split her and Filthy from holding 2, and only just missed out on holding himself.

In hindsight, I think Filthy’s thong was actually the holder

Needing a lazy 5 on the last end power play to win the match, the Moo’s never really looked like it, but they did hold 2 on a pretty dodgy last end, with Filthy and Shaun delivering the goods, and it looked like a small win at the time, but it would prove crucial to the outcome of the tiebreak.

Tiebreaker (2-0 Missing Moo’s)

The jack went straight into the trusty hands of Amy, and she rolled down another short end, then pretty much robbed the No Hopers of any semblance of hope they had of victory, by starting off with a perfectly weighted shot that landed barely a foot from the jack.

As they say in the ads, lucky you’re with Amy.

My first reply was too wide followed by one that was too long, Don’s shots were predictably shallower than a kiddies pool, and Merv tried a last ditch backhand that came out worse than a James Pattinson slur.

So after a tough night, Amy really fired up death in fine style to prove the game-winner, and just to add a dollop of caviar on the winning cupcake for Missing Moo’s, what I think was Shaun (Given it was the maroon bowl with what looked like a sphinx on it) nudged me out to hold 2!

As I realised after the scores were confirmed, the No Hopers actually finished ahead 13-11 overall, as tiebreak scores aren’t counted, but, as Merv told me afterwards, if my sister had balls… you get the point.

Overall, it was another enthralling night of bowls, and those short ends really did prove the equivalent of a plank of wood to the knees to Team Hope’s winning chances, and as the defeated captain, I need a scapegoat to deflect from our defeat, so I’m blaming Duff.

Odd Fact: This was my 350th post!

Categories: Lawn Bowls

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