Drinking a Fanta in Bill Waterhouse’s memory

Yes, of course, we’ve been met with the news that the Emperor of Bookmakers, Big Bill Waterhouse, like Joe Burns this afternoon, has departed us on 97.

I suppose Bill was the very definition of a ‘colourful character’- Six decades of bookmaking, taking on the likes of Kerry Packer to the tune of tens of millions, the Fine Cotton kerfuffle, inflicting another 2 generations of Waterhouses on Australian punters, getting a Fanta off his grandson- It was a life so good, he even wrote a book about it.

But, moving on, and the major thoroughbred action heads West for the 13th biggest day of the Perth social calendar, beaten to 12th by the annual celebrations of Alan Bond going belly up, it’s the time-honoured Railway Stakes, plus an undercard featuring the likes of the WA Guineas and the likes of the Placid Ark Stakes.

There’s also the Recognition Stakes at Doomed-ben, Boring Arse Ballarat Cup, and another big provincial drawcard for New South Wales is the $1m THE GONG at Kembla, a race so befuddling, that El Dorado Dreaming is currently heading the market.

Yeah, it’s not like her only win was at 150/1, and just a few months later, her trainer was raided and rubbed out for illegal treatment of his horses.

Before we begin, Railway Stakes tip: Probably The Velvet King, with not much confidence.

Bam’s On Fire (No.3, Barrier 7) in Race 2 at Ballarat, 12:55pm AEDT

1100m BM70 Handicap

Trainers: Maher & Eustace, Hoop: Teo Nugent (a2), 61.5kg (59.5)

For some reason, the name Bam’s On Fire sounds familiar.

Might be because she raced in WA.

Bam’s On Fire resumes after 22 weeks off, in which she finally broke through for a maiden win (1st Up at 1100m), and then followed it up with two more at the 1100m to bring up the hat-trick, and then finished off her Winter by running 3rd in the Listed Creswick at Flemington.

Yep, she’s gone from Listed level at her last run in the Winter, to resuming in a Benchmark 70.

It’s a ‘slight’ drop in grade, even as she comes up against Prince Of Caviar, a foal of a certain Black Caviar, who has the completely opposite winning abilities as his mother.

It’s a shame they couldn’t call him Son Of Caviar, which would have been like the end of The Castle, in which the Kerrigan’s greyhound Coco has a son, which Darryl called Son Of Coco.

Anyways, based on Bam’s record at the 1100m, and her performances at some recent jumpouts, if she handles the weight, she’ll probably win.

Lucicello (No.7, Barrier 3) in Race 4 at Kembla, 3pm AEDT

1200m BM78 Handicap

Trainer: Chris Waller, Hoop: James McDonald, 57.5kg

As per usual with major race days, I’m dodging the feature race like I dodge vegetarian menus- In this case, it’s The Gong, which looks like an utterly boring bowl of broccoli.

The grey Luccicello had a soft trial at the beginning of November, before she returned to racing a week later, and then after starting tomato sauce odds, sat last on the turn in the small field, and steamed her way down the outside to win by a half length.

She won 2nd and 3rd up last prep, JMac goes aboard, and she looks all set to go at 88 miles an hour, the flux capacitor kick in, and as she motors down the outside, suddenly explode in a trail of fire, and re-emerge in 1985 and lose the race.

The Wild Wild West: Dance Music (No.3, Barrier 6) in the Jungle Mist Classic, 3:35pm AWST (6:35)

1200m F&M Listed

Trainer: Simon Miller, Hoop: Chris Parnham, 56.5kg

In the spirit of the name, let’s warm up with some Dance Music with a WA theme.

I always figured Chopper Read based his moustache on the Biker.

Moving on from grown men in costumes to short men in costumes, and the fillies and mares do battle in the Jungle Mist Classic, named after the champion filly from the 80s, whose racing career mysteriously disappeared from the record books, but I do know for a fact she won the Champion Fillies.

Dance Music had a promising 3YO season with 6 wins from 7 starts, until I included her in this guide 1st Up on Caulfield Cup Day, and she accordingly ran 8th and pulled up with muscle soreness.

She did race much better last time out, running 2nd to Uni Time (Who is favourite for Race 5), after laying out at the 100m, which could suggest that 8th was a complete apparition.

On paper the race looks set to be a grand battle of Miller & Parnham against Durrant and Pike on Electric Light, so just watch those 2 shifty buggers in Lindsey Smith and Dean Yendall with Beautiful Mind come from nowhere and somehow win.

The Wild Wild West: Dig Deep (No.1, Barrier 9) in the WA Guineas, 4:10pm AWST (7:10)

1600m 3YO SW Group 2

Trainers: Dan & Ben Pearce, Hoop: D.Oliver, 56.5kg

The second-biggest race of the day, and the Guineas is shaping up to be a bloody and very evenly-matched contest, a bit of a change from Arcadia Queen cleaning everyone’s clock last year.

After success in Melbourne with Pushin’ Shapes, the Pearce boys have called upon the services of local legend Damien Oliver to ride last season’s Karrakatta winner in the 3YO feature, after finishing 3rd in both the Belgravia and the Fairetha after settling cold at the rear.

Actually, the Top 5 from the Fairetha are all back for a rematch- Red Can Man, Jericho Missile, Dig Deep, War Saint and Bogart.

Somehow, the only one of them under 5/1 is Dig Deep, because the Wizard Worshippers have their greasy fingers all over Superstorm, making a massive step-up from a bloody Class 1 win on Cup Day.

Make no mistake, he’ll need everything to go right in the run, and if Olly can be Olly instead of Dodgy Damien, this might just about work out.

Personally I’ll be happy to sit back and watch the fireworks.

Crazy Craig’s Tip Of The Day

LAYING Bumper Blast (No.1, Barrier 12) in Race 6 at Ballarat, 3:20pm AEDT

1600m BM78 Handicap

Trainer: Rob Hickmott, Jockey: Craig Williams, 60kg

Howdy howdy howdy once again cockos, it’s Crazy Craig the boy from Bairnsdale, and bloody hell cockos, I nearly burned to death in my hovel on Thursday!

40 DEGREES AT THIS TIME OF YEAR!

AND THEN IT WAS ONLY 19 TODAY!

HOW CRAZY IS THAT!

Anyway, I’m off to the Goldfields for Ballarat Cup Day, and I’m taking on a very promising young thing named Bumper Blast, who most people will remember won the Subzero race at Flemington on Oaks Day!

I’m a grey as well, why couldn’t I get a run in the race!

He is of course trained by Robert Hickmott, who you may not know played 2 games for Melbourne back in the 90s, but strangely enough, now trains this horse wearing Footscray silks!

That’s like Mark Bairstow training a horse wearing West Coast silks!

Crazy stuff!

Anyway, he’s got the class, BUT, the reason I’m eyeing him off is because he’s got a wide gate, jumps 6 kilos on that last win, which in the view of this crazy old bag, is PRIME factors to make him a target to be my next victim!

BUMPER BLAST– my LAY. OF. THE. DAY.

I’m Crazy Craig, and that’s why they call me CRAAAAAAZY Craig!