Cricket

BBL 09 Review: Round 3

Liam Livingstone – The latest Englishman attacked by a Cock Rocket

Before we begin, it’s time for a classic rehashed Renegades joke.

Knock knock.

Who’s there?

Owen.

Owen who?

Owen Seven.


Zahir ‘Budget Rashid’ Khan with a Big Bash Record

Swampy

For context, the Heat were bowled out for 109 against the Scorchers on New Years Day, in a match that was so lopsided, Liam Livingstone was given a bowl in the 14th over… and he took a wicket.

It led to Chris Lynn giving his passive aggressive assessment of how crap the Heat played – Apparently he couldn’t just say, “We’re shit against spin.”

Still, summing up the hilarity of the Big Bash, not even 2 days later, the Heat scored a team record 3/212 in Hobart, and then on Monday night, hit 119 in 8 overs against the Thunder.

Classic Heat.


BBL HEAVY BAILS

They struck again.

The very reason Zahir was able to top score

The gravitational pull from the centre of the earth makes the zinger bails heavier.

Andrew ‘Roy’ Symonds, 1/1/2019

Well, it’s that or the batteries weighing them down, but I have no reason to doubt a renowned scientist like Roy.


Darren Lehmann getting bored during a rain delay

Of all the world famous blue tick Twitter users to hack, some random Donny fan chose BOOF, most likely after reading his thoughts on Sri Lankans.

AND WE DIDN’T EVEN GET A SANDPAPER JOKE.

GET STUFFED.


Daniel Sams scored a run

All it took was Peter Handscomb being behind the stumps.


The Stars Achieving Nirvana

The mad bastards have done it – They’ve figured out how to hilariously collapse and still win.

Eddie’s painstaking research has paid off.

1/123 in the 17th over against the Thunder, chasing a relatively simple 143…

Only to lose 6/19 in 19 balls, and have Clint Hinchcliffe on a hat-trick in the last over.

Funnily enough, their collapse in the Big Bash Final was 7/19.

If there was a positive, those last 2 wickets fell with the scores tied and 3 balls to go, so defeat was never a thought that entered the mind.


BBL CATCHING of the Week

Ben Dunk and Nathan Coulter-Nile with the tag team performance to remove Shaun Marsh in the Melbourne Derby.

That helped set-up the ironic Renegades 7-wicket collapse against the Stars – 2/117 to fart along to 9/142, a target that Marcus Stoinis reached as easily as he goes through a tube of tanning oil.


BBL FIELDING of the Week

Ben McDermott copping a really nasty Falcon during a really crap run out attempt from Ben Laughlin.

“Well, you did say aim at leg.”

And another involving the Hurricanes – Scott Boland, with the classic dropped catch that somehow ricochets onto the stumps and turns into a run out.

Bullcrap – If it doesn’t smack him in the face and ricochet onto the stumps, does it really count?


D’a’r’c’y S’h’o’r’t’s Century

There were some superb knocks this week – Chris Lynn’s 88 off 55 in Hobart, Marcus Stoinis with a couple of half centuries, Josh Philippe smacking the Strikers in Coffs Harbour, Tommy Banton’s 56 off 19 on Monday, but the honours for the knock of the week had to go to D’Arcy Short, for scoring the first ton of BBL 09 (The 21st in BBL history), in what was his last innings before heading off on the Australian ODI Tour.

Well done, Terence Trent D’Arcy.

The Territorian Sandgroper once again made the Scorchers wonder why they never bothered offering him a contract, during the same evening that another Sandgroper Scorchers finger-flipper in Philippe belted the Strikers in Coffs.

I hope D’Arcy thanked the Singaporean superstar Tim David for dropping him… TWICE.

Unfortunately, the BBL FIELDING disease claims us all.

Yeah, it’s not like the Scorchers ended up losing by a narrow margin.

After carrying the bat throughout the ‘Canes innings and dispatching the pie chuckers in the Scorchers attack, Darce brought it up in grand style – A half-volley scoop over the rope on the last ball of the innings.


Chris Lynn’s Bushfire Sixes

So as 98% of people know by now, Chris Lynn pledged to donate $250 for every 6 he hit this BBL towards the Bushfire appeals, and I should add, a host of other players have joined the cause (D’Arcy Short for one), but are their names Chris Lynn?

No.

Anyway, he kicked off with 3 sixes on Friday in his unbeaten 88 against the Hurricanes to move on to $750.

Then after the rain ironically tried wiping out his efforts Monday, Lynn hit another 2 in his knock of 31 off 13…. while Tom Banton up the other end hit a lazy 7.


Tom Banton’s 5 sixes in a row.

I find it a hilarious coincidence that Chris Lynn, who was the only other player in Big Bash history to hit 5 consecutive sixes, was watching on at the bowler’s end.


Mitch Marsh 2, Shaun 0

I guess Mitch got the top bunk on Tuesday.


Liam Livingstone becomes the latest Englishman to be hit in the dickTwice

The club that Ben Stokes was named President of.

I find it quite fitting that first ‘Cock Rocket’ was sent down by a man named Richard.

A few balls later, Livingstone, still furious at having his penal area attacked, dispatched his compatriot Dicky Gleeson all the way to Barwon Heads.

Liam would obviously cop another hit to the dick on the way to a half-century, after which Gleeson dismissed him for 58 – The Scorchers ultimately took the points.

Hilarious – The Heat can’t win on the Gold Coast, and the Renegades can’t win in Geelong.


I’M SURE THERE’S A CRAPLOAD MORE MOMENTS I’VE FORGOTTEN….

Categories: Cricket

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