Tuesday Tithbits: 14th January

South African tourist abuses Afghan visa worker

Yep, AB de Villiers has officially set foot on Australian soil – And he’s already made Chris Lynn look average.

The Perth Scorchers travel schedule

By virtue of them being a Perth team, it already was the kind of joke you’d hear at the Melbourne Comedy Festival, and now it’s an even bigger joke.

Play in Perth on Saturday – Fly all the way to Hobart on a day’s rest to play Monday (Which they ended up winning easily), then fly to Melbourne to connect back to Perth to play Wednesday – Only for the Melbourne flight to get delayed because of the heavy smoke which has enveloped the metro area.

And one last leg after Wednesday’s match – They have to fly back to Melbourne on Thursday, to play the Stars again on Friday.

Meanwhile, the Melbourne Stars (Or as they’re also known, Western Australia A) have been in Perth since Monday, soaking in our beautiful, slightly less polluted Sandgroper air.

The Big Bash – Where the visitors have the travelling advantage, and the home team gets a forced prostate check.

Bravo Cricket Australia, Bravo.

AB de Villiers successfully making his Big Bash debut

2 catches and 40 off 32 in a piece of piss win for the Heat against the Strikers, who surrendered at the sight of James Pattinson, who took 5 wickets (4 in the powerplay) and restricted Adelaide to 110.

Think about it – He’s the second best AB to represent Queensland, and he’s the second-best AB to play for the Heat.

The only Big Bash player to become a World No.1

Latrell finally getting to Souths

Wasn’t WAYNE thrilled to get him.

I think I saw his lips move – That indicates he’s mildly impressed.

The best part about that contract saga ending is that their won’t be any NRL news until the Perth Nines next month.

That’s assuming we can lock the wives and girlfriends of every player in a dungeon for the next month…. for their own safety.

Australian Open mumbo jumbo

If you’d like to know if the ridiculously terrible air quality is already affecting qualifying for a major that is now under a week away.


Yes it is.

Dalila Jakupovic found out the awful way, while she was up a set and a point away from forcing a 2nd set tiebreak – She had to retire.

Coughing that forcibly, and the poor bugger doesn’t even have asthma – That’s seriously promising for a fortnight long major.

But, if you ask me, this situation represents a plus side for Bernie Tomic despite losing so quicky today – His lungs are still intact.

The Australian NFL Update

Mitch Wishnowsky & the 49ers defeat the Minnesota Vikings 27-10 @ Levi’s Stadium

In their first-ever home playoff game in Santa Clara, the Niners had been expecting to play the New Orleans Saints – Before we all realised once again that it’s the Saints in the playoffs, as the 6th seeded Vikings took them down.

With the score at 14-10 in favour of the Niners at the half, the decisive moment came when Cousins decided to test the middle of the field, a decision he immediately regretted, because the pass went straight to Richard Sherman, who made another sorry-ass quarterback pay with an interception deep in Vikings territory.

With the short field, the Niners ran downfield and Tevin Coleman punched in a 2 yard touchdown to increase the lead to 24-10.

Mitch’s highlight came at the end of the 3rd Quarter, when his booming punt to Vikings return man Marcus Sherels was fumbled at the 20 yard, and recovered by Raheem Mostert, giving the Niners the ball inside the 10 yard line, effectively destroying any hope Minnesota had for a comeback.

Funnily enough, Sherels had also muffed one of Mitch’s punts in the 1st Quarter, but the obvious difference was that Sherels recovered.

The Niners ultimately kicked a field goal despite 3 plays on the goalline to lead 27-10, and their refreshed defence put Cousins in a fatal stranglehold, although the Vikings defence gave plenty back – The last 7 drives ended with 4 punts, 2 turnovers on downs, and a Niners fumble inside the final 2 minutes.

This was the type of game in which the scoreboard matches up with the stats – The Niners had 21 first downs to 7 (The 3rd fewest in a playoff game), 308 total yards to 141, and 186 rushing yards to a mere 22 for the Vikings.

It had been a weakness all season for Minny – If their running game didn’t get going, Kirk Cousins would look even more average than he usually did.

An easy 27-10 victory for the No.1 seed in the NFC, who heaped more playoff misery on the frozen Norsepeople of the Twin Cities – In case you’re not aware, the Minnesota Vikings have lost more playoff games than anyone else in league history – They’re now the first team to lose 30 times in the postseason.

Of course, this wasn’t the only 6th seed vs 1st seed contest on Saturday – The heavily favoured 14-2 Baltimore Ravens (On a 2 game winning streak) spectacularly went 1-and-done against Tennessee in a 28-12 defeat, after certain members of the Ravens defence bragged about how they were going to stop Derrick Henry.

He only ran for 195 yards, ended the careers of about 5 defenders, and threw a hilarious jump pass for a touchdown to pretty much end the Ravens’ season.

Stopping Derrick Henry… they were as successful as a hatchback trying to stop a runaway train.

Michael Dickson & The Seahawks lost 28-23 to the Green Bay Packers @ Lambeau Field

As if adhering to tradition, the Seahawks once again put themselves in an enormous 1st Half hole in a playoff game, trailing 21-3 at the half after Aaron Rodgers and Davante Adams ran roughshod over the Seattle secondary, once again lumping everything on Wilson’s shoulders, and forcing him to do his Ned Flanders impersonation.

To be honest, I’m amazed Wilson’s back and shoulders haven’t given out on him from consistently having to drag the Seahawks out of a hole.

Still, getting the ball to begin the 2nd Half, the Seahawks drove downfield and scored to cut the deficit to 21-10, but Rodgers marched downfield and went straight to Adams again, who made the catch, cut back in field, and scored on a 40-yard touchdown.

As the Jesus magic began to kick in, Wilson led another log drive downfield, and threw a 7 yard touchdown to Tyler Lockett to cut the lead to 28-17, and as the 4th Quarter began, another 3 and out for the Packers saw beads of sweat start to drip down the face of every Cheesehead at Lambeau – Which probably froze on their faces, because it was -4 Celsius.

The Seahawks got the ball back again, and with all the momentum, scored their 3rd touchdown from 3 drives, feeding Marshawn Lynch the ball at the 1, cutting the lead to 28-23.

The Seahawks tried going for 2 to cut the lead to a field goal, but the Packers blew up the play, and it stayed at 5 points.

After getting the ball back at their own 23 with 4:54 remaining, the Seahawks were held to a 3 and out, but for some reason chose to send out Dickson to punt with 3:10 to go, despite having all 3 timeouts, hoping to pin Rodgers to a 3 and out, get the ball back, and have Wilson do his Houdini Jesus thing to win the game.

They got close… But close was as close as they got, because Rodgers managed to find Adams on a massive 3rd down at midfield, and then connected with Jimmy Graham inside the 2 minute warning, who was contentiously awarded the game-ending 1st Down thanks to a generous spot from the officials, despite appearing to be short of the 1st down marker (At the 36) by a foot.

Without a conclusive angle, because a multi-billion dollar industry still film with potatos, the replay booth upheld the call, the Seahawks burned their last time-out, with no hope of getting the ball back.

So that was game over, and season over for the Rainy City Pigeons, and who knew giving the ball back to a Hall Of Famer would backfire so easily.

So sadly, we won’t get one last glorious All-Australian NFC Championship Punt-Off, but regardless, we’ll all be watching with baited breath on Monday morning to see if another Australian can join Ben Graham in the ‘Played In The Super Bowl Club’, as the Packers and Niners revive their storied playoff rivalry.

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