Cricket

BBL 09 Review: Round 5

Brendan ‘Cameron’ Doggett impersonating Steve Smith
All Footage: Channel 7/Fox Cricket/Cricket Australia

I knew I’ve seen something like that before from a New South Welshman human.

An outstanding week for shit batting performances – The Scorchers all out for 82 last Wednesday, the Heat get blitzed for 100, and the Sixers were all out for 75 against the rival Thunder on a bowler’s spank bank.


THE RENEGADES HAVE FINALLY WON… Twice!

And what a great win that was against the Thunder in Canberra, featuring moments like Beau Webster carting Generic Thunder Bowler No.432 all the way to Queanbeyan.

And Callum Ferguson being dismissed by a classic BBL RUN OUT.

Here’s another great coincidence:

When the Thunder lost 19 games in a row (Stretching across 3 separate seasons) between BBL 01, all of BBL 02, and into the middle of BBL 03, their streak ended when they knocked off the Renegades at Docklands.

The Renegades’ former 9 game losing streak was the second longest in BBL History, and it ended with the same two teams switching roles.


The Stars using the Scorchers as a butt plug

All out for 86, and how much did the Scorchers lose – 9/47? or something like that?

And to think, it was only our 2nd worst score against the Stars in Perth.

It makes perfect sense that a team full of West Aussies would absolutely dominate in Perth, although the highlight of the match (For me) was Frankie Worrall overcoming his recent bout of BBL FIELDING to pull off a piece of ANTI-BBL FIELDING.

Jackson Coleman was also pulled out of a refuse pile, and took 3/16, making him the second-most well-known case of 3/16 in recent history.

“Coleman 3/16 says we just whipped your ass!”


The Strikers produce something bordering on revenge porn

On Tuesday, the Heat bowled the Strikers out for 110.

Clearly believing in the eye for an eye theory, on Friday afternoon, the Strikers bowled the Heat out for 100 at the Adelaide Oval, and chased down the total with a lazy 55 balls remaining in a 10-wicket romp.

For the record, AB de Villiers has been well and truly Heat’d – 2 off 3 trying a slog to the leg side boundary.

On the subject of crimes, think about this – The Snowtown killings were perpetrated (Mainly) by a Queenslander against South Australians.

This was pretty much the opposite, minus the bank vault.


Cameron Bancroft’s Wonder Knock against the Stars

33 off 44, with 22 dot balls, and playing a part in running out his captain in a chase of a relatively small target of 142.

If he had hit half of those dot balls for cheap singles, the Scorchers would’ve won, if you take into account the final margin was 10 runs.

I actually hated him less for putting the sticky on his dicky.

Anyway, Cameron was only part of the problem, because the Scorchers managed to lose despite doing the following during the 1st Innings:

  • Getting rid of Marcus Stoinis for 6
  • Dismissing Nic Maddinson for 3
  • Dismissing Glenn Maxwell for a boring 25 off 23.
  • Hilton Cartwright carrying his bat for a mind numbing 58 off 56
  • Having the Stars 3/34 after 7.3 overs

And I suppose the other major reason the Scorchers lost is that they were all so thoroughly braindead that Nic Maddinson took 4 wickets.

Yes, this thing.

Did Eminem visit Nowra 25 years ago?


The Thunder (And the rain) gain revenge in the Sydney Derby

While parts of the North Coast were being flooded instead of burned down (Which must be a welcome change), the Sixers’ top order were sent into bat on a deck that I have previously described as a bowler’s spank bank.

Case in point – Gurrinder Sandu returned the Thunder team for his first game this season… and trapped Josh Philippe LBW with his first delivery.

What an absolute peach.

After multiple rain delays, the innings was reduced to 16 overs, although the Sixers didn’t even see that, getting bowled out for a hilarious 75 with a ball remaining.

Thunder fans are used to scores of below 100, usually because their team is the one putting it up, so this must have been a welcome change.

In the end, the Thunder (as only the Thunder can seemingly do) barely snuck ahead of the D/L par score, before the annoying teeming rain brought play to another halt, which turned out to be a permanent end, giving the Westies the victory.


Travis Head vs David Miller in Launceston

Travis Head made it to 22 off 15 before he was dropped by another case of BBL FIELDING from the Hurricanes.

Making sure they didn’t pay for it, in a stunning offensive display, the player kown informally as Richard would finish on 79 off 40, powering the Strikers to an intimidating 5/186.

Meanwhile, David Miller had been one of the wet farts of the Big Bash, with only 91 runs in 10 innings, despite his revered reputation on the International stage for the Saffers.

Finally emerging from his cocoon and sprouting wings, Miller walloped 90 off 48 balls, although his teammates were all useless, so it meant nothing in the grand scheme of things.

Still didn’t make it not entertaining.


Hahahahahahaha the Heat

If you ask me, the Brisbane Heat are the most watchable team in the Big Bash – They either bat first and smack out 100 in about 8 overs, or they completely and utterly shit the bed in hilarious fashion.

Let’s just say Sunday night was one of the greatest pieces of comedy since Norman Gunston wound up on the steps of Parliament House when Gough Whitlam was dismissed.

0/84 after only 5.5 overs, chasing 164, which was the perfect moment for Chris Lynn to feel his standard rush of blood to the head, and hole out going for a needless 6.

They only lost another 9-36 after that, which sounds funny, but considering they got to 3/113, it sounds even funnier when you realise they lost…

7 for 7 to end the innings.

Even the Japanese Under 19 team only lost 8 for 38.

Never change Brisbane, never change.


Brendan Doggett and the worst case of BBL Fielding in recent years

First, he lands smack bang on his back trying to parry what was a free hit 6 into play (Which isn’t really BBL FIELDING, but stick with me), then he lands short of a mishit club from Liam Livingstone.

Then he drops a caught & bowled that ended up somewhere around the dark side of the moon.

Then, proving his BBL FIELDING diagnosis, he spills another really catchable shot of Livingstone.

Fortunately, this story does have a happy ending – As the Scorchers openers destroyed all hope of a Thunder victory, Doggett finally held on to a catch to dismiss Josh Inglis, faceplanting himself in the process, and everyone had a good laugh and congratulated him.

You know you’ve had a shit game when even the PERTH fans are applauding you for taking a catch.


Sam Harper gets suplexed by Nathan Ellis

Here’s the commentary from that wild confrontation.

Unfortunately it wasn’t all funny – Sam became the first player substituted from a BBL game due to concussion, and spent the night in hospital, but other than that, he is apparently okay and on the mend.

Categories: Cricket

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