Tuesday Tithbits: 31st March

Australia in 3 weeks

You know what I’ve realised since the lockdowns began?

A World of Our Own by The Seekers is a perfect fit for an isolation song.

“Close the door, light the light, we’re staying home tonight.”

Bloody oath, Judith Durham had/still has an iconic set of pipes.

Anyway, I haven’t got much to talk about today, because you know why.

Cheerio to the worst month in living memory

March 2020, soon to become the second-worst month in living memory, once April 2020 is done.

Bunker down kids, the eye of the storm is coming.

The Formula One Story Of COVID-19

Forget about Mercedes helping design an extremely effective breathing aid, it’s got to be Red Bull’s notorious driver development chief Dr Helmut Marko suggesting that the program’s four drivers infect themselves with COVID-19 and isolate in a fitness camp if/when the season restarts.

This is an English snippet from the Dutch version of

Red Bull played with the idea of deliberately infecting the four drivers of Red Bull Racing and AlphaTauri in a controlled environment with COVID-19 to make them immune to the virus.

Red Bull advisor Helmut Marko made that remarkable statement yesterday on the sports programme Sport am Sonntag on the Austrian television channel ÖRF:

“We have four Formula 1 drivers, and eight to ten juniors. The plan was to organise a camp in which we would bridge this quiet time physically and mentally. It would of course have been ideal if they would have been lit. They are all young, strong men with excellent health. That way, when we get back to work, they would be ready for a very tough world championship. Because we can assume that if it continues it will be a tough World Championship.”

The idea was immediately swept off the table, according to a smiling Marko:

“We first discussed it in small circles. Let’s just say it wasn’t received very positively.”

Although the idea of the contamination was just a fantasy, serious consideration was given to having the four Red Bull drivers (Max Verstappen, Alex Albon, Pierre Gasly and Daniil Kvyat) train together at the Red Bull training complex in Austria, but the drivers themselves preferred to go home.

While we’re at it, how about we infect them with Polio, the Spanish Flu and SARS, then they’ll be biologically indestructable.

You’re a Doctor of Law, Helmut – I think you realised that very quickly.

My No.1 wish for the Supercars iRacing Series

When they get to Bathurst, the drivers can somehow recreate the best pileup in the history of the Great Race.

Greg Murphy vs Marcos Ambrose, 2005.

Let’s be honest, that was Murph’s fault.

Anyway, it starts next week, and they’re racing at Phillip Island, followed by Monza.

Expect action like this at Doohan Corner.

North Melbourne Relocation Story No.8742

Yep, this old chestnut.

With noted North hater Caroline Wilson bringing up the topic of AFL powerbrokers apparently wanting to move the Grey Nomads to Hobart permanently, let’s see the historical checklist of Places to punt the Roos:

  • The SCG between 1999-2002 (Failed because apparently Sydneysiders only care for a team called the Sydney Swans)
  • Canberra between 2002-2006 (Now taken by GWS)
  • Carrara/Gold Coast from 2007-08 (Killed by the Roos and now taken by the Suns)
  • Hobart/Tasmania from 2012 (Won’t happen while Hawthorn have a contract for Launceston)

I think I’ll let the 1996 Robbed Brownlow Medalist and 2x Premiership Hero Corey McKernan speak for his former club, given this, like all North relocation talks, is apparently about money.

“It’s just a ridiculous argument. You want a move a club that has made profits over the past 10 years when there’s others that are $13 million in debt….”

Speaking of debt, North were due to wipe out the last of their $650,000 deficit this year.

Moving further down, because SEN is littered with ads…

There are lots of other clubs out there who’ve had far less success than North Melbourne and are in much more debt that probably should consider moving before us.

Maybe our biggest fault is that we’re always competitive. Okay, if we’re middle of the road, sorry we don’t bottom out and get the No.1 draft pick.

Sorry we’re not shit.

Case dismissed – St Kilda, get in the gun.

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