AFL

Tuesday Tithbits: 28th April

Tasmanian Premier Mick Martyn is stoking up his state’s AFL chances

I like how NRL players and AFL players are still trying to one-up each other for stupidity, even in a time of total lockdown.

Going camping with your mates and ignoring a stay at home order is silly indeed, but, if I was framing the market, I’d plug Lachie Hunter swiping 4 cars while he was DUI as the clear market elect.

So on that note, first cab off the rank:


The Well-Timed Taree COVID Camping Trip

Somewhere in Sydney, Todd Greenberg is probably pissing himself with a mixture of laughter, relief, and mostly elation at getting $650,000 to not have to deal with moments like this.

With the push for the May 28 restart, Latrell, Foxx (Plus Tyrone Roberts-Davis) have timed this so perfectly that basically everyone in League Land is mightily pissed off with them – The fines and suspensions were announced by the NRL as I wrote this ($50,000 fines with 60% suspended + a suspended one-game suspension), but it reached the point that MAL is having second thoughts about picking the pair for the Kangaroos.

It should be noted Josh and Latrell both apologised, but I’m still unable to judge what was the dumber decision.

Going on a camping trip full of shotguns (Which they’ve now both been charged for by the NSW Police), dirt biking and wearing matching flannel during an enforced lockdown.

OR….

Going on a camping trip full of shotguns and dirt biking during an enforced lockdown, posting pictures of it on social media, then saying your activities were a “Cultural gathering” focused on “Learning about our land and our culture, learning how to hunt, live off the land”, and then effectively playing the race card to claim double standards, helping absolutely NOBODY in the Indigenous community.

I think we’ve all learned something from Foxx – You can’t live off the land without wearing matching red flannel and drinking a rum and coke.

This is not an optical illusion – They are wearing MATCHING FLANNEL SHIRTS.

That looks more like a bogan cultural experience.

The other reason Souths and Melbourne in particular should be shitful about what occurred – They were all riding dirtbikes without a helmet, which, given they were on private property, isn’t illegal – Still, there could’ve been a hypothetical outcome similar to when New South Wales went horse riding on a team bonding trip in Kangaroo Valley during ’99 Origin camp.

All because Wayne Pearce was a teetotaler who didn’t like team drinking sessions.

The horses all bolted thanks to Terry Hill, and all the players safely jumped off – Except Bradley Clyde, who was knocked out when his foot was caught in the stirrup, and Robbie Kearns, who was knocked out cold, broke his collarbone, and missed the entire series.

Drinking sessions were promptly reinstated.


NSW Players And Social Distancing Fines + Suspensions, Part 2

It appears Nathan Cleary had himself an unforgettable ANZAC Day, which has also earned him a $10,000 fine (Like Roberts) + a (suspended) one-game suspension.

How ballsy are those ladies – Willing to pay $1000 to the NSW Police just to get their photo taken with 2x State of Origin winning halfback Nathan Cleary.

$10,000 and a suspended suspension for showing blatant disregard for social distancing.

As Paul Keating once said, it’s like being flogged with a warm lettuce.


Tasmania angling for an AFL team

You can clearly see the scar where Peter had his other head removed

Premier Peter Gutwein, who could easily pass the time impersonating North champ Mick Martyn, made what feels like the strongest push for the Tasmanian AFL team yet:

From The Advocate:

“They (AFL) have had clubs that they have had to support in other areas of this country for a long period of time that they have had to pour money in to.”

“Now is an opportunity for the AFL to start to actually start with a blank sheet of paper to determine that they should have a national competition in the future, and that Tasmania should have an AFL team at some stage in the future, and for them to consider whether or not some of those outlying clubs that they have poured so much money into are a part of the AFL’s future moving forward.”

Stunning news – A Tasmanian wants something that will benefit Tasmania, preferably an under performing club currently based on the Gold Coast.

Feels like a bit of a non-story.


The AFLW Al-Australian Team is riddled with Vic Bias

It’s pleasing to see that Vic Bias isn’t consigned to the other gender anymore:

Three Melbourne-based teams get 3 players each, which is the usual pile of crap.

Fremantle, the undefeated minor and moral premier, only get 2 representatives, neither of which is Sabreena Duffy, who finished as the league’s leading goalkicker after the season was abruptly suffocated.

To make matters worse, Sabreena didn’t even get a spot on the bench.

SHE WAS ROBBED.

RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME.

RIGHT. IN. FRONT. OF. ME.


A few more Aussies getting picked up by NFL teams

Former St Kilda forward Arryn Sippos, who punted at Auburn University, was signed as an undrafted free agent by the Detroit Lions (Which means he’s a rank outsider for a roster spot), and it appears Philly are determined to horde America’s limited supply of Australians, after they picked up South Australian Matt Leo, a Defensive End at Iowa State, who, in his past life, was a plumber in Adelaide who played rugbaleeg.

You can see in the image that Leo was signed via the NFL’s International Player Pathway, which is the same program that Jordan Mailata used to get drafted by Philly in 2018 (He still hasn’t played a game due to injuries), and the same route Valentine Holmes used to get on to the NY Jets’ practice squad.


Special Guest Punter For This Week’s Chalk Eaters

Ben Melham!

Yes, it appears Ben has allegedly become the latest jockey to explore the wonderful world of betting (Which worked out well for James McDonald and Blake Shinn), with Racing Victoria firing a number of charges his way:

Then there’s whisking through $14,600 in 20 bets.

Pfft, a two-leg multi – That deserves a suspension on its own.

Charge 6 is interesting because he actually booted Orleans Rock home, which appears to be the Pete Rose defence of betting on yourself.

But, he’s a high chance of getting fingered on Charge 7 – False evidence to stewards, which usually ends as well as a German war effort.

Tsk tsk Ben, why couldn’t you just use the old trick of using your nan’s TAB account to place the bets.


Another gem from The Last Dance

In between the crazy story of Dennis Rodman’s load management in Las Vegas, it’s Ron Harper’s story about wanting to guard Michael Jordan before MJ made ‘The Shot’ against Cleveland in 1989, and Harper’s subsequent reaction to finding out Cavs coach Lenny Wilkens had assigned Craig Ehlo to guard Jordan.

You can hear Michael say the one player he didn’t want guarding him on that final play was Harper – The Cavs went with Ehlo, and paid the price.

I might just use that snippet for the Chalk Eaters when a $2 favourite gets run down by a 50-1 shot.

“Yeah, okay. Whatever. **** this bullshit.”

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