Just on a week to go until we can stop listening to recalls of old games.

Just kidding, that will never stop.

Where do I submit my application to play for the Warriors?

Given half the team have gone down with injuries during the shutdown, especially since they went to Tamworth, Sam Thaiday put his hand up to play 10 minutes a game, Paul Gallen said give me a call, while the NRL said “Haha, no” to them signing a loan player…

Here’s my case – I’m a 23-year-old in below physical condition, who hasn’t been questioned by police or played the pokies of late.

I could probably slot into the second row, to be honest.

Tom Browne’s Alleged Twitter Burner Account

Channel 7’s ever popular footy reporter Tom Browne supposedly defended himself using ‘Jimmy Jones’, the funniest, yet lamest, burner account since all of those burners Kevin Durant created on Twitter and Instagram in 2017….

Which he still Tweets from.

My favourite comment on this comes from /u/BlandyBoreton on the AFL Reddit:

“I like that the idea of someone defending Tom Browne is so preposterous, that we automatically assume it’s just him with a burner account.”

Well, the question has to be asked – Has anyone seen Tom and Jimmy in the same room?

Kochie loads up the verbal howitzer at Adelaide

Now he won’t have Port Adelaide sharing a hotel with those chardonnay sipping Crowies from West Lakes.

We’ve actually requested not to be in the same hotel.

We have enormous respect for the team, for the Crows, absolutely enormous respect, but just don’t like (them).

We’re so different. We eat Balfour’s meat pies and you eat quiche… and you guys drink chardonnay.

That’s a fair trade.

The Crows probably don’t want to stay in the same hotel as Kochie.

Among the replies from the other half was Graham Studley Cornes, who half agreed with Kochie on 5AA:

Kochie can be a real Richard Cranium sometimes… I’m with him on the point of why should they have to share accommodation, but then he throws in the ‘we drink beer and eat pies, you eat quiche and chardonnay.’

Many a true word is said in jest.

I seem to remember a joke about Wayne Carey ordering a quiche from a waitress when he played for Adelaide…

The AFL’s Casual Sex Ban

This line from Wide World Of Sports is a genuine highlight:

According to the AFL’s official guidelines, players are only allowed to see “a person they are in an intimate relationship with.”

But the AFL has clarified that it would not ban one-night stands, although a series of hook-ups is believed to be off-limits.

Exactly how that would be policed is not clear.

“Wristies are all right, but keep it in your pants, boys.”

Here’s an idea to enforce the rules – What if the head honchos of the AFL all set up fake Tinder accounts and catfished the players?

They’ll think they’re on for a hook-up with a ‘Michelle Christian’, only for Michael Christian to rock up at the door in scenes not seen since To Catch A Predator, and dish out a 2 week ban.

As far as sex bans go, it still can’t hold a candle to Leigh Matthews responding to Daniel Bradshaw missing the 2000 Semi Final (Which Brisbane lost easily) to be with his wife during childbirth by banning every Brisbane player from having unprotected sex in January.

As history will show, that was a sound move by Lethal.

The Referees vs The NRL

Citing Daily Telegraph polls for justification on your decision making and not consulting the referees before announcing you’re doing it.

You’d expect no less from the top brass at the NRL.

If this really does reach breaking point, just ask the NFL how they went with replacement referees in 2012 – It only cost the Packers a victory in Seattle.

Given this has now gone into arbitration, I hope the referees union stick tough on this.

Storm games are already hard enough to watch with their usual referee allowing players to submit their applications for the WWF.

At the end of the day, it’s all just an exercise in grandstanding.

Cody Walker’s Extortion Saga

Apparently a mix of grief and alcohol played a part.

Instead of being obtained exclusively by Channel 7, the fight was posted in full on Facebook, where it was later removed, but as a degenerate who watches street fights, I can describe several notable parts:

• Best moment is the bloke in the Raiders jersey acting as the referee to add some respectability, which seemed to work
• Fighting in the middle of a street when cars were passing by builds the Street Fighter vibes
• Obviously the shirtless fighting like they were practicing in a Spartan military camp.
• The mention of “Who’s this mother****er” about 2 seconds before Cody comes in with the well-executed fly kick to the chest
• No-one has seen a third man in performance like that since Sam Thaiday retired
• The bloke who got hit by the Spartan kick got straight back up, but there was huge potential for him to hit his head on the concrete
• The skinny bloke wanted to settle things with Cody for getting involved, and Cody backed off
• If that fly kick was genuine, Cody could replace Adam Reynolds as Souths’ goalkicker
• As far as street fights go, Mungo vs Greg Brown was better quality
• Casino must be really boring

Still, I think whoever filmed the whole thing missed a trick – Instead of trying to extort $20,000 out of Walker, they could have made an easy five figures selling it to Seven and/or Nine.

At the end of it all, it’s just another classic case of men behaving badly.

Supercars Changes

Not surprising to see permanent circuits dominate the revised calendar and the street circuits (Gold Coast and Newcastle) get put on ice – The obvious problem would be the costs to set up and later dismantle the barriers, plus the huge deficits getting racked up without fan attendance.

Only Townsville got the green flag, and that was moved to the end of August, which will be genuine case study for spreading disease.

Despite the changes, there were 2 notable emissions that haven’t changed from the original plan- This is the first time since Queensland Raceway opened in 1999 that it hasn’t been on the Championship calendar, and Phillip Island was left off for the first time since 2004.

Both the Enduros are still in their old spots – The new Bend 500 (Replacing Sandown) restores the 500km enduro being before the Bathurst 1000, which is still in the October timeslot.

The Auckland Round was due to be held at Hampton Downs instead of Pukekohe, an issue that actually arose in January, when it was discovered that Auckland Council had legislated against motor racing in Auckland on ANZAC Day, but, circumstances have changed, and a venue isn’t locked in.

The final note is that Supercars have a contract with the New South Wales government to host the final round in NSW – Which is the reason for the Olympic Park and Newcastle rounds – And with Supercars as the promoter of the Bathurst 12 Hour, trying to create a mega double-header is well and truly on the table.

It’ll be a Supercars finale, with a 12 Hour GT3 race as a sideshow without the internationals.

The other note this week is the disappointing loss of 23Red Racing and Will Davison from the Series, after major sponsor Milwaukee had to cut funding, which was a huge shame, considering Davo was a Top 10 driver last year, and had finished in the Top 5 in both races in Adelaide.

Hopefully he makes it back at least as a co-driver for the Enduros…

As a result, former series champion James Courtney + Peter Adderton’s Boost Mobile backing, who both said sayonara to shitty little Tekno after Adelaide, have slotted in as the 4th Mustang for Tickford…

WITHOUT MISSING A RACE.

Only in 2020 could you pull off a genuine upgrade like that.

Moving the Caulfield Cup to run after the Melbourne Cup

So it remains a very good chance that the Cox Plate will be still be run 10 days before the Cup, albeit in the evening, while Racing Victoria’s Greg Carpenter has declared that the Melbourne Cup Carnival isn’t moving out the stronghold of the First Tuesday in November, while the Melbourne Racing Club are exploring a range of ideas due to the fear of the Caulfield Cup clashing with the abridged AFL Finals on a Satuday.

This is what the MRC’s Executive Director Jake Norton says on RaceNet:

Norton made the interesting point that delaying the Caulfield Cup by four weeks could actually provide more time for government health restrictions to be eased as coronavirus case numbers decline.

“It is as much a consideration for the Victorian racing industry as much as it is the MRC specifically: that is, whether we would be better served moving the nitty-gritty of the spring carnival back by, say, a month, to avoid unnecessary and unhelpful competition?,”Norton said.

“There are several reasons to strongly consider it, including buying an extra month’s grace in case gathering-related restrictions are eased, giving owners, media, club members a greater chance of attending the races.”

“It could be an opportunity for far greater engagement in Victorian racing through the natural increase in share of voice in mainstream and social media that would be brought about by clearer air; for the same reasons, greater access to our key customer base through share of voice and promotional efforts of our wagering partners and providers.”

Considering how well Australian racing has done during the pandemic…

Has anyone told him that Sunday is a day of the week?

From a form perspective (Which this isn’t really about) the Caulfield Cup has long gone to crap for the locals – Without the internationals, pushing it back will just make it even more crap, given most of the leading contenders won’t even dare back up from the Melbourne Cup and the 800m drop.