This report was moved to Townsville at the last minute.

Well, after two good weeks on the picks, it was back to the good old days of 5/8, which means that next week I’ll be guaranteed my worst tipping performance of the season in Round 13….

Primarily because there’s only 4 games thanks to State of Origin, although for some reason FootyTips counts Origin games as part of the round, so there’s 5.

Melbourne Storm 40 defeated Brisbane Broncos 12 – Correct

Question: How come there’s no internet connection at Red Hill?

A: Because the Broncos can’t string three W’s together.

North Queensland Cowboys 29 defeated New Zealand Warriors 28 – Incorrect

One of the games of the season, no doubt about that, with more violent swings of momentum than an out of control rollercoaster.

The Cowboys 22-6 up at the half, only for the Warriors to brilliantly surge 28-22 ahead with a few minutes remaining, the Cowboys tie it up thanks to a try to the Hammer and a tap over conversion….

Then after the Warriors didn’t take a shot at goal from the scrum when it was directly in front of the posts, Chanel Harris-Tevita couldn’t even perform one of the most fundamental skills of a starting First Grade half, and that’s KICK A FIELD GOAL FROM 15 METRES OUT DEAD IN FRONT WITH ENOUGH TIME TO POUR A BEER, and Valentine Holmes decided to him how it was done with a monster drop kick from just inside the 40 metre line to win it.

Now that they’re well and truly back in the Top 8 hunt, I guess we’ll spend the rest of the season wondering why on earth did the Cowboys let go of Jake Clifford….

Wests Crouching Tigers 34 defeated St George-Illawarra Hidden Dragons 18 – Correct

Deadset, if the Tigers played the Dragons every week they’d have a great shot at finishing 9th this year, and after the heartbreak of last week, this message from Corey Norman is still relevant:

Based on that spelling display, you may have let your Primary School teachers down to boot, Corey.

Penrith Panthers 30 defeated Canterbury Bulldogs 4 – Correct

Matt Burton got a very good look at what he’s walking into next season…..

Deadset, the Dogs trainers were better at organising and structuring the defensive line than any of their on-field leaders were, which gives me a greater sense of clarity as to why Trent Barrett was called an offensive genius…

Because his teams are so offensive to watch.

South Sydney Rabbitohs 38 defeated Parramatta Eels 20 – Correct

The Redfern Rabbits in Indigenous Round – You can’t not back them, and the best example of that phenomenon was Dane Gagai and Alex Johnston, two great modern day Indigenous players, BOTH scoring hat-tricks on the Indigenous Round, wearing Indigenous jerseys..

From the standpoint of the past weekend being a celebration of Indigenous Australians and their contribution to the game, THAT was the mother of all highlights.

Actually, Gagai’s performance also makes sense when you remember that Origin is just around the corner, and that means it’s the time of year where turns into Origin Gagai, grows a third leg and does enough to justify his place in the Maroons team, before going back to frustrating everyone at club level once the finals get closer.

Sydney Roosters 44 defeated Canberra Raiders 16 – Correct

Luckily for Raiders fans, Kayo shit itself on Saturday night and nobody could log in to watch them capitulate for yet another week, which also means everyone trying to watch the game missed Joseph Suaalii scoring his maiden try and moving to within 211 tries of Ken Irvine’s First Grade career record, and the post-game moment when he gave one of his boots to a delighted kid standing next to the race.

Looking at it without context reminds me of The Life Of Brian:

HE HAS GIVEN US A SHOE!

THE SHOE IS THE SIGN!

Cronulla Sharks 38 defeated Gold Coast Titans 10 – Incorrect

Before the season began, the Titans had high hopes of being the best team in Queensland with their end of 2020 improvement and the major signings like Fifita and big Tino, and now that the Storm are back to being based on the Sunshine Coast, the Titans would be lucky to even be the third-best team in Queensland, considering the Broncos beat the crap out of them.

Fair dinkum, aside from providing discounts on fruit and vegetables, what does Mal Meninga actually offer the Titans as the high-performance senior advisor.

Based on their performances, Mal being there is straight out of this scene from Office Space

Alternatively, you could just sum up the game as this:

17 TOURISTS FROM QUEENSLAND MAULED IN BRUTAL COFFS SHARK ATTACK

Newcastle Knights 18 defeated Manly Sea Eagles 10 – Incorrect

Des Hasler told me it was Ben Cummins’ fault that the Sea Eagles lost, so we’ll have to believe him.

It could also be that the Knights just scored more tires than the Silvertails did and just played better, but honestly, who believes that stuff?