Based on a series of plausible events in a regional Victorian town

Dartboard pick for the Queensland Oaks: Bargain

So on this the first Saturday of winter, as Allan Endresz prepares to fire up yet another Alligator Blood-related lawsuit, it’s another lackluster weekend headlined by a boring Group 1 in Queensland, the old fashioned Queensland Oaks, the very same race in which Winx won the first of her 400 Group 1s, the Winter Cup at Rosehill, which is as boring as it sounds, if you want to lay a horse tomorrow, one of Black Caviar’s kids is debuting in Race 4 at Flemington, the Raconteur Stakes at Belmont, which apparently wasn’t named after some kind of dinosaur, and apparently there’s a meeting at Adelaide River, which used to be in South Australia until 1911.

The first time I saw Adelaide River, I thought to myself ‘Why are they racing horses in the Torrens?’, only to realise it’s not exactly that far from Darwin.

So with Crazy Craig needing a spell in Bairnsdale after he fell in a bigger heap over the last 3 weeks than the Collingwood Football Club, it’s Crazy Colin’s turn to make the picks, which should prevent him from stealing at least 3 stubbies of VB from Craig’s fridge in the time it takes to write his picks for the day, and while Craig liked Sir Cliff Richard’s Lucky Lips for a theme tune, Colin obviously wanted something different, and I can confirm his theme this week is…

Orinoco Flow by Enya?

Really Colin? Frikkin’ Enya?

Anyway, tolerate sailing away for as long as you can.

Namakwa (No.4, Barrier 4) E/W in Race 7 at Flemington (MR7), 3:25pm AEST

2000m 3YO Quality VRC Member Maureen Salter Plate

Trainers: Ciaron Maher and David Eustace, Jockey: Ben Allen, 56kg

Afternoon strangers, it’s Crazy Colin, Crazy by association to Crazy Craig, back again to help you fail through a Saturday, and apparently Craig’s been going like a busted arse on his tips, which I can tell because he keeps coming to me for pineapples, so for some reason, here I am writing this crap, and let me tell you, based on this year’s AFL season, exchanging Craig for myself is like exchanging North Melbourne for Hawthorn!

One of us wears crap and performs like crap, and the other one just performs like crap!

So kicking off this week, I’m starting with my value selection at Flemington, because Eagle Farm and it’s crap Group 1s can PISS OFF, and for no reason at all, in Race 7, I’m going for the stayer on the rise for Ciaron Maher and that useless fella, NAMAKWA.

I’m not sure if that name is meant to be Japanese or South African, because there’s a Namakwa down on the West of South Africa…. Not that I’ll be going there anytime soon.

The son of Dissident was very good in winning over the 2100m on the Ballarat synthetic, coming over the top with a good run while lugging a lazy 61.5kg, and sure it was a mighty Benchmark 58, but it was the kind of run that suggested he could push on and be competitive in a Saturday metro race, and that’s exactly where Mr Maher, the master trainer of stayers has sent him.

He does go up in a grade and goes slightly back in distance, but he drops a solid 5.5kg on that Ballarat win, gets the blinkers on first time, the inside barrier is there for young Ben Allen to use, and as for the other horses, they’ll probably go well, especially Reuber, who sounds like a Russian currency, but all I can say about the others is DILLIGAF.

In conclusion, I reckon Namakwa can acquit himself very well in the 7th, and just saying his name makes me want to turn Japanese, even though he isn’t, so to put a merciful end to this part, he’s my play at odds for Saturday at Flemington.

Tri For Us (No.5, Barrier 2) in Race 6 at Belmont (PR6), 3:15pm AEST

1600m 60+ rating Graduation Bluestone Handicap

Trainer: Adam Durrant, Jockey: Chris Parnham, 57kg

Yes, you’ll notice I wrote Belmont on the top, and not Rosehill, Eagle Farm or Flemington, which will probably annoy a few of you, but all I can say is, DO YOU WANT TO FIND A WINNER OR NOT.

Hahahahaha, who am I kidding, it probably won’t win the way myself and Crazy Craig are going!

So true story, I was on the phone to our good mate from Spain Mr Alfonse on Thursday night, and he told me there was a good horse called Tri For Us going around at Belmont that had nothing to do with William Pike, so I decided to have a look at it, given I don’t bet much in the evenings…

By god, it turns out Crazy Craig’s bullshit about Belmont being in Burswood was true!

I think those pissant Sandgropers were drinking too much Swan Draught when they made that call!

So while I’m trying to wrap my head around this alarming discovery, the filly Tri For Us has risen rapidly for a horse that only had her first career start on April 11 at Pinjarra, believe it or not…

She ran 2nd in that forgettable maiden, broke her maiden from a wide gate 2 weeks later, won again at Ascot despite having blood in her mouth, ran another 2nd, then recorded another win at the 1600m in a Graduation handicap at Belmont!

Amazingly enough, as if they were sticking to a winning formula, Adam Durrant has kept her in the exact same distance and class on Saturday, albeit with an extra 3 kilos on her back, but deadset, if she holds her form from a fortnight ago, it’ll take a good one to knock her off, especially with Chris ‘Parnzy’ Parnham sticking aboard once again!

Tri For Us might be something those Banana Benders will be shouting several times on Wednesday night, but for now, the filly better live up to her name and at least show a bit of heart, because she’s my PICK OF THE DAY.

This was Crazy Colin, saying SAYONARA folks, stay safe, and hopefully you go better than me!