Well friends, it’s the last day of Spring, and as we bring an end to the 23rd month of 2020, the human race is about to be swarmed by a variant that has the same name as one of the alien races from Futurama.

Now, let’s spent the last 31 days on this earth looking at crap that happened this week:

Craig Bellamy while listening to The Ice Project podcast and finding out that Brandon Smith was planning on signing with the Sydney Roosters for 2023

Just looking at that GIF, you can Bellyache doesn’t give a rat’s arse that Smith dropped 61 F-Bombs and 3 Campaigners on that podcast, because if he did, it’d the pot calling the kettle black.

Still, that doesn’t mean that Hectic Cheese won’t be playing as the Storm’s 18th Man for the entire 2022 season, and he’ll be running marathons during training for the next 10 months.

To warm you up for Bathurst Weekend, here’s all 8 hours of the 2014 Great Race, without a doubt the greatest Bathurst 500/1000 in history by the length of Conrod Straight

If you want to see Chaz Mostert’s race winning pass, go to 8:05:08…. After starting from dead last and being stuck in a tyre barrier, it was the first time all afternoon that car No.6 had led the race.

For all of his questionable driving moments in V8 Supercars, it should be remembered that Paul Morris is the only driver in history to win the Bathurst 1000, the Bathurst 6 Hour, and the Bathurst 12 Hour…. And he also ‘won’ the 1997 Super Tourer edition of the Bathurst 1000, but his BMW was disqualified because co-driver Craig Baird had breached the three hour continuous driving rule.

The insult ‘Boofhead’ is back on the menu

Just look at how Peter’s peelings feelings were hurt quite badly hearing that from Albanese, followed by him turning to the Speaker who offers him absolutely nothing.

Well done to Cricket Australia and the WA Government

Because of your combined lack of negotiating skills, which are on the same level of a 9-year-old me trying to get chocolate after dinner, this summer of cricket is almost certainly going to mark the first Ashes series held in Australia in which Perth hasn’t hosted a Test since 1965-66.

In fact, this summer will be the first time Perth has gone two consecutive summers without hosting a Test since 1969-70, which was the last summer before the WACA finally hosted it’s maiden Test match in December of 1970.

It reminds me of when Lee Corso did this on College Gameday:

Speaking as a fully paid up WACA member, why the hell would I pay $400 for a membership (The Rocket sold off both his thumbs to get his guest pass many years ago), when the only value for money you can get from the damn thing is a limited number of boring arse Big Bash games at Optus, which the Scorchers/WACA will probably lose the right to host anyway because Cricket Australia decide they can’t be arsed dealing with a bunch of shit scared sauerkrauts who don’t consider themselves Australians.

The whole thing just annoys the shit out of me, because the WACA are going to keep suffering for years to come, and it won’t be a shock when Cricket Australia move the 5th Test to Sydney and watch as it gets washed out, just as the 4th Test will be, which is quite frankly what those dickheads deserve.

And yes, I have had a few beverages.

Today is the anniversary of Don Bradman’s Test debut against England in 1928

The notes from that match are a read:

It was the first Test match in history to be played in Brisbane, at what is now the Brisbane Showgrounds – The only other Test at the Exhibition Ground was played between Australia and the West Indies in 1930, and the Queensland Cricket Association decided to move to the Gabba in 1931, which hosted its first Test match in November of 1931.

In a sign of things to come at the end of his career, Bradman scored only 1 and 18 and was dropped for the 2nd Test, before coming back for the 3rd Test in Melbourne, where The Don became the youngest player to score a Test century (20 years 3 months), a record that lasted all of one test, because Archie Jackson (aged 19) hit 164 on debut in the 4th Test at Adelaide.

The final note is that Australia, up against Wally Hammond’s almighty English team, would be bowled out for 66 in the 2nd Innings, losing the match by 675 runs, which remains the greatest losing margin (In terms of runs) in Test match history.

After 48 years in the saddle and an Australian record 4,447 winners, Robert Thompson has called it a day

As a tribute, here’s one of RT’s 7 Group 1 winners – Booting home Heavenly Glow to win the 2008 Arrowfield Stud Stakes at Rosehill for his old mate Allan Denham.

Ah, the days of a giant mesh fence on the outside, and a hard wooden rail on the inside.

It should be noted RT hasn’t ridden at any meeting since July due to isolation, but it took until Monday for Cessnock’s greatest winner (Just ahead of Andrew Johns) to confirm he’d ended his 48-year-career, which quite literally started a generation ago – April of 1973 at Newcastle, and a 14-year-old RT rode the first of his 4,447 winners at Wyong that same month, in what was only his 8th career ride.

Still, what a superb career – 4,447 winners, an Australian record that’ll be standing for at least another generation, Australian Racing Hall of Fame inductee in 2015, the same year he was awarded an Order of Australia Medal, and all up, Thompson driven the circumference of the Earth approximately 229 times just getting to race meetings across New South Wales.

One of those great jockeys I thought would never get old – The others being the likes of Danny Miller, Darren Gauci, Jim Cassidy…

Speaking of which, is Cyril Small still booting around?

At the same time, we may need to rename Glen Boss to ‘Farnham’

Because 3 days after retiring, Bossy already announced he’s making a comeback….

To ride at the Saudi Cup meeting in the Middle East in February.

Hopefully Bossy gets treated a bit better by the Saudi race crowds than Troy Jackman did in India when he couldn’t get a short-priced favourite home in 2007:

“Riding the wayward mare for the first time, Jackman found her difficult to ride out as she hung badly towards the inside running rail in the straight. The mare, who had drifted from an odds-on quote, finished third.

On returning to scale, bottles and rocks were hurled over the fence and an angry mob of punters smashed down a fence, storming the winners’ enclosure while others destroyed television monitors in the betting ring.

Jackman was taken to a “safety room” where he hid for three hours before being spirited off the course. Trainer Sandhu was ushered into a room near the stewards and could not show his face for fear of violence. Stewards declared the result null and void, refunding all bets, so they could start the next race.”

The end of the Williams documentary, featuring Sir Frank Williams

I did find it funny that Frank Dernie, who had worked at Williams for decades, felt that Sir Frank was so committed to the Formula 1 team that he wouldn’t retire, he’d die on the job, although that wouldn’t come true with the Williams family selling the team last year.

Still, I think that “Die on the job” quote does sum up Sir Frank’s love of racing during his life, especially when you consider that Williams’ golden run in F1 from 1986-97 (7 Constructors’ Championships & 5 Drivers Championships) came after Frank was left a tetraplegic due to a car accident in France in March of 1986, which should tell you something about the strength of his character, even after he was left physically impaired for the last 35 years of his life..

As someone who grew up at that time when Mark Webber got the ill-fated Williams drive in the mid-2000s, I’ll cherish Sir Frank forever, and it’s sad to see him leave us, because we’ve lost another of those titan privateer team owners & principals who once dominated F1 – The likes of Enzo Ferrari, Colin Chapman with Lotus, Bruce McLaren, Ken Tyrrell, Sir Frank – You’ll never get their like again with F1, and the simple reason is costs.

Still, I can’t say they’re all gone, because Sir Jackie Stewart, Eddie Jordan and Ron Dennis are still walking the earth.

The random fact for the inaugural Saudi Formula 1 Grand Prix

If Lewis Hamilton and Max Verstappen finish 1st and 2nd in Jeddah, they’ll tie the record for the most recurring 1-2 finishing order in F1 history, which is currently set at 20 by two combinations.

The former Ferrari teammates Michael Schumacher and Rubens Barrichello set the record at 20 between 1997 and 2005, 19 of which were 1-2s for the Scuderia, while 1 of them was the 1997 Monaco Grand Prix when Barrichello was driving for Stewart.

The other combination on 20 is Hamilton and his old Mercedes teammate/rival Nico Rosberg, with all 20 of their 1-2 finishes occurring between 2014 and 2016, the last of which was the 2016 Abu Dhabi Grand Prix when Rosberg won the title, and retired from the sport a week later.

Jack Doohan will make his Formula 2 debut this weekend

Off the back of finishing runner up in the Formula 3 Championship, the son of Mighty Mick gets a taste of F2 at Jeddah this weekend, and Yas Marina for the season finale:

With Oscar Piastri a serious chance of winning the F2 title thanks to his healthy points lead, it just makes the end of the F2 season all the more watchable from an Australian Point Of View.

Check the poor kid nutting himself on his handlebars

My balls hurt just watching it.

Sam Kerr = 3rd in the Ballon D’Or Feminin

This should be considered a historic achievement, because Kerr is the first player from an Asian footballing nation to even finish in the Top 3…

In fact, Kerr is the first player from outside of Europe or the United States to finish in the Top 3 of the Ballon d’Or Feminin since it began in 2018.

Beat that with a stick.

The Cromwell races were so close on Sunday that you had a dead heat for 1st and 3rd

Pfft, Bill Collins would’ve been able to call them both before the judge even looked at the developed prints.

And finally, here’s a callback to when the late Lee Elder broke the colour barrier at the Masters in 1975

You know, I think we can all live happily knowing that the Augusta National were able to get Elder back to Georgia to take part in the ceremonial opening tee shot for this year’s tournament, alongside two handy names in Gary Player and Jack Nicklaus: