Lawn Bowls

Manning Jack Attack Review: 16th February

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It might look nice but dear lord we were sweating it out

On yet another balmy night in Perth, it was time for Week 2 of Manning Jack Attack, the Greatest Social Bowls Competition between Manning Road and the Canning River, and I can report that following on from a FUROR that occurred last week, there has been some clarification from Half Price regarding pennant players in teams, a problem which has been ongoing for many seasons, and flared up in Week 1 due to the appearance of a Tuesday Premier League player in what is first and foremost, a social bowls competition.

The first major clarification:

“If more than one Pennant bowler plays in a team, one pennant player must bowl with their Non preferred hand (E.g. right handers to bowl left handed)”

And secondly, in a rule pinched from the Bowls WA Community Shield, all Premier League or Division 1 Pennant bowlers MUST bowl with their non preferred hand.

Although, an exception to this rule is Helen from the CDs, who does play Division 1 Blue on Saturdays, albeit she is a first year Pennant bowler, and if you’d seen Manning’s results in Divvy 1 Blue this season, you’d know they’re going as good as a plant deprived of sunlight.

And, it’s not like the CD’s are going to be winning anything anytime soon.

Another noteworthy event from the night is that Pricey buggered off to go fishing, as he’d received a call on Tuesday from distinguished former Manning Primary principal Rob Searle that the conditions were perfect for ‘dhuie’ fishing down in Busselton, so he was straight in the Altima down the Forrest Highway.

That left the Jack Attack ship in the incapable hands of yours truly, with plenty of help from Adam Mac roaming the greens and taking the bowls into storage, and President Greg Hogg doing the vaccine checks – A big thanks to the pair of them, plus a whole heap of other people behind the scenes, for making the night go smoothly.

The Corner To Corner Challenge

Week 2 featured the first of the Corner To Corner challenges for 2022, and the concept is unchanged, with one bowler from each team taking part in the Synthetic and Grass editions (Depending on which green they’re playing on that night), with the holders winning $30, and the second holders winning $20.

Starting with the Synthetic challenge under the watchful eye of Adam, and the Week 2 winner was Roy from the Merkins, who won the Corner To Corner on the Grass in Week 4 last season, and now he’s won it on the Synthetic with the rare feat of taking the jack in a Corner To Corner:

What I didn’t capture was the young fella from This Is How We Roll hit Roy’s bowl and the jack but didn’t move it far enough

Coming in late to 2nd and the $20 cash was Jack from Team Tommy, wearing a Peaky Blinders style flat cap, and it should be noted Jack was 2nd in the last Corner To Corner challenge of 2021, so he’s nothing if not consistent.

Jack on the left and Roy on the Right

Over on the Grass, the winner of the $30 was Ian ‘Stewy’ Stewart from Team Epic, one of the new additions for this season, and the $20 went to Jamie from the Bowled Guys, who does stand out as the only non-bald guy in the Bowled Guys, but nevertheless, congratulations to the pair of them:

Stewy on the left, Jamie on the right

On that note, well done to all four winners!

The Overall Night

My trusty offsider Adam looking after his darling bride’s rink

On the team front, Team Swan have formally withdrawn without playing a game, simply due to issues with scheduling, the Zebra’s have followed suit and exited stage right without making a sound, while the Habibs were due to make their comeback this week, but Johnny suddenly realised that Wednesday was his mum’s birthday, so once again the MV Wholesalers were absent, which put the fixture under a bit of a cloud.

If you ask me, what’s a mother’s birthday when there’s cash to be won.

The original plan for the Habibs vs Paul’s Heroes game was that John and Manning Up would be able to provide their 2 extra players to play for the Habibs, and Decca from Crawshaw was prepared to fill-in to make up the team of 3, but as it turned out, Manning Up only had 1 extra player, and Paul’s Heroes had a crew of 6, so they were able to rotate among themselves to get a game in over on Synthetic Rink 1.

Paul and Maddie’s team were Heroes in more than name, because they gave us even numbers on the night.

Looking at the results, it was another very even night, with just 4 teams winning in straight sets to get all 4 points, 2 games featured a drawn set, and the remaining 7 games went to tie breaks, with 4 of them coming on the Grass Rinks.

This week’s winners of the $50 cash were Rock N Bowl (Luke, Cam, Shaye), who are the beloved family of Adam Mac, and they won by 13 shots in straight sets against This Is How We Roll on Synthetic Rink 4, and I felt the signs were there when Cam from Rock N Bowl took 2 of the 4 drinks vouchers for the Synthetic Rinks, and they finished off the night by winning the 2nd Set 10-0, propelling them into top spot.

Cam bowling with Adam’s bowls… not that anyone needs to know

In 2nd overall to take the $30 for the second week running were Paul’s Heroes, who defeated that makeshift Habibs team in straight sets by 10 shots, and the Habibs could’ve taken the game into a tie break if they’d won the final end of the 2nd Set, but alas, Paul’s Heroes are the only team to win all 8 points available through Week 2, so it seems Smithy’s coaching out in Mukinbudin is doing the trick.

Paul’s Heroes, also playing the roles of the Habibs

3rd overall ($20) went to Ten Pin, in a rare case of a team getting in the money despite losing the game, because Peter, Deb and Coral lost the 1st Set 4-6 against the Unbelievabowls, but the Ten Pin bowlers bowled a turkey and took the 2nd Set 13-2 to give them the variance by +9 (17-8), but unfortunately for them, Sue and Barbara’s Unbelievabowls bowled a strike in the tie break and got the job done.

Just a reminder, we pay out on the Top 4 teams on variance for the night, the result is only factored in if there’s a countback, as was the case for 4th, which was decided in a 3-way photo between the CD’s, Team Pamba and Team Tommy, who all finished on +7 shots, but only one of them took all 4 points, and that was Team Tommy against The Lenny’s on Synthetic Rink 6, so well done to Mick, Steve, Jack and the rest of the Tommy Shelby team, who desperately need the $10 cash given their beloved greyhound can’t get on the track.

A measure in feet between Team Tommy and The Lenny’s

The only other team to take all 4 points on Wednesday night were the Top Shots, who defeated the Bowling Stones in two narrow sets on Grass Rink 1 thanks to holding on their final end powerplays in both sets, which proved to be the difference in a game split by only 3 shots on variance, and it was a solid turnaround from Gerry, Irene, Leslie and Gordon, after being well beaten by Paul’s Heroes last week.

Another amazing turnaround came from the Crawshaw Crisis Committee, who were left in stone motherless last after being inhaled and exhaled by Team Epic in Week 1, but Kym, Decca and special guest Linda (via Tammin) were switched on against Beginner’s Luck on Grass Rink 3, starting from when Linda stepped up for the first bowl of her life and did this:

Thanks to Wilko for taking this photo

The story of the game is even funnier, because Beginner’s Luck won the 1st Set 6-5, raced out to an 8-0 lead after 2 ends in the 2nd Set, but Crawshaw called the Powerplay on the 3rd End and held 5 turned into 10, winning them the set 11-9, and they got it done in the tie break for their first win of the year.

Astute captaincy from Wilko, and his teammates delivered.

The first of the games with drawn sets was the Bowled Guys against Jack Sabbath out on the lightless reaches of Grass Rink 6, with the 1st Set ending tied on 6 shots apiece as Jack Sabbath came back from 6-0 down after 3 ends to hold 2/4 on their powerplay + 2 on the final end, but they didn’t have much joy after that, as the Bowled Guys won the 2nd Set 8-2 to get the win.

The other game with a drawn set was the game between the CD’s and Verse 1 on Synthetic Rink 7, with the 1st Set ending in a 7-7 draw, after the CD’s held 3 on their powerplay to go from 1-5 down to 7-5 up, but Verse 1 held 2 on the final end to salvage a point, only for the CD’s to hit overdrive and win the 2nd Set 7-0, to take their first win of the season, missing out on this week’s prize money on countback.

On Grass Rink 4, Macatac were alerted to the changes regarding pennant players in teams, so they played it safe and drafted in their niece Ellen Mac to play the rest of the season, and it’s nice to see Dianne stuck to the theme of Maccers playing in Macatac, as the defending champs went on to win yet another tight tie break, this time against the Great Bowls of Fire, taking the win and Kochie’s thongs in the process.

Saluting a fallen comrade.

On Grass Rink 5, Team Epic got the jump on Buffed Helmets I with a 7-1 win in the 1st Set, which led to Helmets team manager Glen aka Scratch to comment to his players:

“You guys bowl like you’ve fallen out of a car.”

Obviously the Helmets heard Scratch’s comment of the night, because they responded by winning the 2nd Set 12-1, but Team Epic would get the win in the tie break, keeping them in 2nd place overall.

Cheese from the Buffed Helmets cracking a grin

On Synthetic Rink 2, the pink sweatbands were back on as Manning Up went to yet another tie break, this time against Stop Drop & Bowl as Sharyn’s team turned up the noise following their 8-4 win in the 2nd Set, but once again, John, Simon, Trav and Mark avoided a dreaded case of the tie break turkeys and won yet another tie break.

Like a terrible set of John McEnroe impersonators

On Synthetic Rink 5, Team Pamba crunched Out On Parole with a 10-2 win in the 1st Set, but the 2nd Set came down to a crucial final measure that required the umpire’s intervention, and Out On Parole got the hold with the final end powerplay to give them the set 4-3, and they won the tie break to get the 3 points, despite losing the variance 6-13.

The final result of the night was over on Synthetic Rink 8 between the Buffed Helmets II and the Merkins, and it looked like the Corner To Corner might not be the only win that Roy would enjoy on Wednesday night as the Merkins won the 1st Set 4-2, but the Helmets (Led by Kip and Carry) won the 2nd Set 10-2, and went on to win the tie break, which meant the Pepperjack Shiraz was flowing in the Buffed Helmets debrief.

I could pretty much copy and paste part what I wrote at the end of last week’s report and apply it to this week: Plenty of very close games, which is exactly what the handicapper wants to see, and just like that, we’re almost at the halfway mark of the season!


Scoring – 2 points for a set win, 1 point for a tied set, 1 for a tiebreak win, tiebreaks aren’t counted in score differential

Grass 1: Top Shots (4pts +3) defeated Bowling Stones, 5-3, 6-5

Grass 2: Unbelievabowls (3pts -9) defeated Ten Pin (2pts +9), 6-4, 2-13, 1-0 in the tie break

Grass 3: Crawshaw CC (3pts +1) defeated Beginner’s Luck (2pts -1), 5-6, 11-9, 1-0 in the tie break

Grass 4: Macatac (3pts -1) defeated Great Bowls of Fire (2pts +1), 4-3, 2-4, 1-0 in the tie break

Grass 5: Team Epic (3pts -5) defeated Buffed Helmets I (2pts +5), 7-1, 1-12, 1-0 in the tie break

Grass 6: Bowled Guys (3pts +6) defeated Jack Sabbath (1pt -6), 6-6, 8-2

Synthetic 1: Paul’s Heroes (4pts +10) defeated Habibs, 8-0, 6-4

Synthetic 2: Manning Up (3pts -1) defeated Stop Drop & Bowl (2pts +1), 6-3, 4-8, 3-0 in the tie break

Synthetic 3: Rock N Bowl (4pts +13) defeated This Is How We Roll, 5-2, 10-0

Synthetic 5: Out On Parole (3pts -7) defeated Team Pamba (2pts +7), 2-10, 4-3, 1-0 in the tie break

Synthetic 6: Team Tommy (4pts +7) defeated The Lenny’s, 9-3, 5-4

Synthetic 7: CD’s (3pts +7) defeated Verse 1 (1pt -7), 7-7, 7-0

Synthetic 8: Buffed Helmets II (3pts +6) defeated Merkins (2pts -6), 2-4, 10-2, 1-0 in the tie break

Captain’s Comments

Carmo, Buffed Helmets I: “Today was the birthday for Buffed Helmets captain Scotty, so it’s a good thing JT didn’t mention it while announcing the results tonight, because Scotty would’ve loved the attention.”

Todd/Kochie, Great Bowls of Fire: “Macatac took the win, and my thongs!”

John, Manning Up: “Whether or not it’s the hot pink headbands we don’t know, but the tie break turkeys are dead again, we’ve worked hard and we’ve overcome them for the second week running.”

Naomi, The Lenny’s: “Even though we lost, it was good competition, and Team Tommy were good fun.”

Definitely not Mick, Verse 1: “Peg aka Florence excelled tonight, and Veronica Ronni bowled well, unfortunately we got flogged in the 2nd Set.”

Peg, Verse 1: “There was a sandgroper at the door!”

Peg, it’s Western Australia, aren’t we all Sandgropers?

Cheese, Buffed Helmets I: “I’ve voted myself worst on ground, and I’m now contemplating retirement”

Kym/Wilko, Crawshaw CC: “Linda proved tonight that she da man, Tammin bowling ROYALTY, and she might have uttered that Peter and Graeme have been holding us back for years.”

“Also, I wanted to mention that it was Emily from North Wyalki’s first night tonight – She’s already the best barmaid this side of Manning Road.” – If you don’t know, Wilko is from Wyalki

Extra Comment – Wilko’s G-Rated life advice: “Sometimes you’ve got to look at life like a dog – If you can’t eat it or shag it, then you piss on it and walk off.”


Photos From The Night

This was my attempt to photograph the sandgroper that Peggy saw…. Unfortunately it seems photographing Bigfoot would be easier:

The Grass Rinks – Bowled Guys vs Jack Sabbath on the left, and you can see Scratch trying to guide the Buffed Helmets

This was the measure that sent Team Pamba vs Out On Parole into a tie break… Out On Parole’s black bowl got the hold:

Team Tommy vs The Lenny’s (Jack standing guard) on the left, and Kelly bowling for the CD’s on the adjacent rink:

Duncan from Macatac with a resting toucher against the Great Bowls… He definitely got a voucher for it

The classic shot of the Synthetic greens with the sun setting in the West:

The early stages of the Grass rinks, and you can see Crawshaw and Beginner’s Luck measuring the opening end:

And finally, we definitely didn’t forget about Grass Rink 6, and I do believe this was during Jack Sabbath’s 1st Set comeback against the Bowled Guys:

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