Forget about anything that happened on the green over the last week, on Thursday morning, the club kicked off the Country Week Championships with 92 cartons of Great Northern Super Crisp on hand in both cool rooms, and that doesn’t even include the arseload of Carlton Dry & Carlton Mid stubbies, plus the Hahn 3.5 and Swan Draught kegs people were destined to rip through.

Now, to provide some kind of a scale of the level of alcohol we’re dealing with, in most countries, 92 cartons of beer would be considered a pallet, and a pallet is what Bob Hawke used to down in an afternoon.

The primary reason for getting so many cartons of Great Northern Super Crisp in is because Super Crisp (And Hahn 3.5 for that matter) is a light beer (0.9 standard drinks) which Pennant bowlers can drink between ends without suffering the lasting effects of drunkenness, and on at least 3 out of the 5 days of Country Week, we’d be having 100 bowlers at the club, with the Welcome Fours on Thursday being the blue riband event.

So by 4pm on Monday afternoon, with the Swan Draught kegs bled dry and the country blokes hanging around like recently sprayed air freshener after playing their last games, we were crawling on our hands and knees (Because our backs had given out from standing up) to find whatever Great Northern was left, and it turned out were down to a grand total of 4 cartons at the back of storage, which became 2 by the time I left at 6pm…..

Wheeling them out and stocking them was like reading out the numbers for the Royal Rumble.

“And Great Northern carton No.90, Stone Cold Steve Austin!”

Now, here’s a game of mental mathematics, we were selling those Great Northerns at $5 a stubbie.

90 cartons x 24 in a carton = 2,160 stubbies

2,160 x 5 = $10,800 in Great Northern sales alone between Thursday and Monday.

This is the level of alcoholism you’re dealing with when it comes to Bowls WA Country Week, as fleet after fleet of Sherman Pisstanks roll through the metro clubs of Perth, and if we were allowed to have spectators outside of family members and a capacity greater than 150, we’d have cleaned up all 92 by Sunday.

In conclusion, let’s just say our accountant will be having a busy couple of days.