So Round 1 of razzle dazzle, injury-riddled rugbaleeg is done and dusted, and like most of the human race, I wound up with 4/8.

Through Thursday and Friday it looked like the only way to tip was to back the home teams, then all the away teams won on Saturday, and on Sunday, the traditional Sloppy Sunday slot, it was 1 apiece, and could easily have been 2 home wins if Hamison Tabuai-Fidou hadn’t been a foot offside with 2 minutes remaining.

With a mistake like that, they should call him Steve Harmison Tabuai-Fidou.

Penrith Panthers 28 defeated Manly Sea Eagles 6 – Incorrect

Fantastic to see I’ve begun the 2022 season the same way I ended the 2021 season…

By tipping an upset against the Panthers and being proven blatantly incorrect.

Actually, that said, would you like to know the last time Manly won in Round 1 of a season?

Way back in 2013, when they defeated Brisbane 22-14 at Lang Park.

They’re like the anti-Round 1 Melbourne Storm.

Canberra Raiders 24 defeated Cronulla Sharks 19 – Correct

Kermit claimed that it’s not easy being green…

Although it apparently is when the Raiders play the Sharks, because they’ve now won their last 7 games against the Shire residents, which is right up there for the longest active head to head winning streak in the league.

That said, the Sharks haven’t had much luck in the crunch in those games, because 4 out of the 7 have been decided by fewer than 6 points, although this latest episode wasn’t helped by Jesse ‘Noodles’ Ramien wandering off with the fairies at crucial moments.

Brisbane Broncos 11 defeated South Sydney 4 – Incorrect

I think the key to the Broncos springing the upset on the unsuspecting Bunnies is that they’ve had 34 years to figure out how to win without Adam Reynolds in the team, so it was a piece of piss for them, capped off by Kurt Capewell kicking the game-sealing field goal on his Broncos debut.

On the other hand, Souths have had 6 months to figure out how to win without their former captain, and they failed miserably, and the lack of brains trust at Redfern now have to comprehend the fact that they broke up a perfectly functioning successful halves combination in Reynolds and Cody Walker.

If history is any guide, then the Bunnies have got work to do if they’re going to avoid being added the illustrious list of clubs who have collapsed like an ancient empire after the departure of WAYNE.

Newcastle Knights 20 defeated Sydney Roosters 6 – Incorrect

“Yeah Moe that team sure did suck last night, they just plain sucked! I’ve seen teams suck before, but they were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked!”

St George-Illawarra Dragons 28 defeated New Zealand Warriors 16 – Correct

In the 74th minute, Shaun Johnson produced a line dropout that went 65 metres in the air, and all of 90 metres until the Dragons fielded the ball – It was one of the biggest line dropouts ever captured on television.

Still, it is the Warriors, so they gave up the game-sealing try in the ensuing set of 6 that started a full 75 metres out.

It goes to show the Warriors still have at least 4 great on-field rivalries in the NRL:

1. The Melbourne Storm
2. The Sydney Roosters
3. The Manly Sea Eagles
4. The New Zealand Warriors

Melbourne Storm 26 defeated Wests Tigers 16 – Correct

Dread it, run from it, seriously injure yourself running from it…

The Melbourne Storm Round 1 streak stops for nobody, even as they had quite a few starters in the stands, lost their starting hooker to a broken hand, trailed 14-4 in the 2nd Half, and had George Jennings and captain Christian Welch go down with season-ending non-contact injuries.

You could picture Craig Bellamy’s face when Christian Welch went down:

There’s just something about that Western Sydney pitch that just devours ACLs.

Anyway, that was just about the most Tigers performance of all Tigers performance – Start brightly against a top team (Ken Maumalo scored twice), have a brief lull through the middle of the game in which they start making errors, concede the lead, and ultimately lose the match.

You could probably pinpoint that lull to Jake Simpkin popping his shoulder, as the Tigers lost yet another starting hooker.

Parramatta Eels 32 defeated Gold Coast Titans 28 – Correct

Now, I may have mentioned the fact that Shaun Johnson produced one of the biggest dropouts we’ve seen in many a year….

Well, Patrick Herbert produced the opposite with 2 minutes to play, and this particular dropout was so shithouse that it hit the corner post on the full, giving the Eels a penalty directly in front, and they just bled the clock out from there:

In a game where the scoring had gone from a try every 4 minutes to a snail’s pace, that was quite the error.

Canterbury Bulldogs 6 defeated North Queensland Cowboys 4 – Incorrect

Fair dinkum, when was the last time the Bulldogs ended a round inside the Top 8?

If my numbers are right, the last time that happened was Round 10 of 2017, when the Berries were in 8th after they were, ironically, beaten by the Cowboys.

They dropped to 9th the next week after losing 24-18 to the Roosters, afterwards the guts fell out of their backside and they finished the season in 11th, Des Hasler got the arse, a legal battle ensued over the next several years, and Belmore just kept on self-immolating like it was going out of fashion.

But they’re back in the Top 8 now after scoring all of 6 points, and I’d pinpoint that down to recruiting a bunch of winners like Josh Addo-Carr and Matt Burton, who knew exactly what to do in a close finish, even if the Berries were spared defeat by The Hammer putting his foot in front of the kicker on that bomb with 2 minutes to go.

Players from winning teams know how to create a winning culture – It is a scientific fact.

So good on Canterbury for at least going a week without being belted, and congratulations should also go to the Cowboys, who have ended Round 1 in the lofty heights of 9th, which is probably as far up the ladder as they’ll get this season.