Reviewing JT’s Random NRL Picks: Round 5, 2022

Ah, what another weekend of razzle dazzle rugbaleeg, headlined by the Roosters storming home to win the NRLW title, the pitch invaders who don’t deserve the right to be called streakers as they didn’t go the full monty, flare wielding streakers at Shark Park, streakers who tackled the security guards before they could get tackled themselves, and all up, it was the kind of round where the average score would’ve been close to 7.5 out of 8….

So naturally I scored 7.

Actually, it’s something of a paradox, because the average tipping score was 7.5/8, yet the average winning margin was a relatively low 13.3, way down on the average of 21 points from last week.

Manly Sea Eagles 30 defeated Newcastle Knights 6 = Incorrect

The only game I managed to stuff up in the tips, as Manly proved way too good in the driving rain, even without Tom Trbojevic, and because the Knights were so irrelevant I won’t even mention their shitful performance, I’ll give you a random fact out of this game.

Des Hasler has faced 55 opposition head coaches throughout his 17-year coaching career.

Thanks to defeating Adam O’Brien’s Knights for the first time in four attempts, he’s now defeated all 55 at least once.

That’s a record that not even a coach of Craig Bellamy’s ilk can claim, and the same with Trent Robinson, who didn’t defeat Jamie Shepherd when he was the interim coach of Cronulla in 2014, and he lost a few weeks back to Jason Demetriou’s Rabbitohs.

Quite a unique record to have if you ask me.

New Zealand Homophobes Warriors 25 defeated North Queensland Cowboys 24 in Golden Point = Correct

In a game that neither team wanted to win, the Warriors ultimately won thanks to Shaun Johnson managing to not slice a field goal in golden point, although the aftermath has been soured by the news that Warriors back Marcelo Montoya was the player who called Cowboy Kyle Feldt a “Faggot” right next door to the referee’s microphone, allowing the entire universe to hear it, which is not only an unsavoury incident of homophobia, but it also confirms Marcelo can’t come up with a decent sledge that wouldn’t be heard every 20 seconds in an online shooter game.

After dragging their feet for a few days, the NRL charged Montoya with Contrary Conduct, but something like a suspension (Which he’ll get) plus an apology/condemnation probably won’t cut it in the minds of the public, who would probably rather see that Montoya spend at least 30 minutes with Ian Roberts….

Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

Sydney Roosters 24 defeated Brisbane Broncos 20 = Correct

The Broncos gave it a red hot crack, Corey Oates scored a hat-trick and nearly joined the Ray Stone Club for injuring yourself when scoring a try, but ultimately the class of the Roosters carried them a long way in the final 40 minutes, especially in the final 10 minutes, and there was one minor incident late in the game that I think cost the Broncos dearly….

Adam Reynolds missing his last conversion when the score was 20-24 in favour of the Roosters.

When you look at the still, that was a relatively simple kick for a superboot of Reynolds’ quality, a few metres inside the left hand touchline where he thrives on creating a hook on the ball, and instead he started it too far to the right, and the margin stayed at 4 points.

In a study of contrasts, a few minutes earlier when Joey Manu had tied the scores at 16 apiece after cleaving through 3 tacklers, Sam Walker had a tough kick from the right hand touchline to try and grab the lead, and he absolutely nailed it, and the Roosters scored again on the next set, before Oates scored his hat-trick and Reynolds missed his kick.

So instead of being 22-24 with a minute to play, the Broncos had to score a try to force Golden Point at a minimum, and as you’ll remember, they pressured the Roosters into conceding several penalties inside their own half, the second of which was only 20 metres out at a near identical spot to the missed Reynolds conversion.

End result, the Broncos eventually made an error on the last play of the game, and the Roosters held on to win again.

I’d like to think this was Adam in the rooms after the game:

Melbourne Storm 30 defeated Canberra Raiders 16 = Correct

Ah, the pettiness of the Raiders players… challenging a referee’s decision when the margin was 16 points with absolutely no time left, just because they were playing the evil Melbourne Storm.

Even referee Gerard Sutton’s comment was rolled gold:

“Why do we have to bother the Bunker with this when the game is over?”

Just to cap the whole thing off, the Raiders actually won the captain’s challenge, and after plenty of options, which included a post-siren play-the-ball, or potentially going for a Hail Mary try and conversion to make the margin a more respectable 10 points….

THEY KICKED THE TWO POINTS AND CUT THE FINAL MARGIN TO 14, most likely after hearing that a couple of punters had taken the Raiders at the +14.5 point line.

That, and the fight for 12th place is going to come down to For/Against, and obviously the Raiders need the points to avoid finishing 13th, no matter how strange it looks.

South Sydney Rabbitohs 24 St George-Illawarra Dragons 12 = Correct

Dragons fans weren’t disappointed at this result considering they didn’t have any expectations to begin with, and what should’ve finished as a fairly comfortable win for the Rabbits turned into a pain in the arse, or more correctly the upper leg, because Latrell Mitchell is out for 8 weeks due to another major hamstring tear, which means that there’s at least 8 weeks he won’t be able to miss 5 games due to an errant elbow to the head.

On the bright side for the Redfern mob, they’ve got plenty of experience winning games without Mitchell over the past two seasons, so they should be alright as we head into May…

The same cannot be said for Captain Hook and his band of crocodiles from Kogarah.

Parramatta Eels 26 defeated Gold Coast Titans 20 = Correct

Another fantastic contest involving the Eels and Titans, especially in the aftermath of the game, as we got to see the footage of that female ground invader, who wasn’t a streaker because she still had several articles of clothing on, and I’m disgusted that Fox League wouldn’t give her the attention that we would’ve given her anyway.

The TikTok sheila though she’d slipped the first tackle, then along came the second security guard to fold her in two like Edge used to do in the WWE, because if there’s one thing security guards love, it’s laying a Brut Big Hit (TM) on a pitch invader.

If you can see that video, it’s just perfect execution of the spear tackle on a weaker opponent, something that quite a few clubs should take a look at, and I think the reaction of Mitch Moses, who just standing ready to take a kick, was the collective reaction of the Australian public.

I think that was how plenty of people reacted when Junior Paulo shoulder charged AJ Brimson and got rubbed out by the match review.

Cronulla Sharks 30 defeated Wests Tigers 4 = Correct

Another ferocious Shark Attack at Kogarah, and I can only think that pitch invader who displayed some sort of irrelevant message in the Prime Minister’s electorate showed more flare than the Tigers attack has at any stage of this season.

What people didn’t see was that for some reason, yet another pitch invader charged onto the field, and for some unknown reason, instead of running a security guard ragged like most invaders would do, he decided to land a beauty of a tackle on a security guard who just happened to be female, because nothing in this country makes sense anymore.

The goings on in the electorate of the Prime Minister, ladies and gentlemen.

Penrith Panthers 32 defeated Canterbury Bulldogs 12 = Correct

The Dogs weren’t terrible, which is the most positive thing you can say when you’re the reigning wooden spooner playing the reigning premier, who were probably playing the entire game in 3rd gear, so to speak, and I can only think if the Dogs had been playing any team besides the aforementioned reigning premier in Penrith, then this game might’ve been a bit more interesting.

But they were, and Penrith were never really troubled.

On another note, nice to see Kyle Flanagan justify why he got brought back up to First Grade… Very hard to drop him on that performance, but life, uh, finds a way.

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