Tuesday Tithbits: 16th August

So we go on to Tuesday, and yesterday marked 30 years since the Premier League began, and the historic first goalscorer in the revised English top flight was Brian Deane for Sheffield United against Manchester United at Bramall Lane, slotting home a header past Peter Schmeichel after 4 minutes 36 seconds as The Blades won 2-1, with Deane scoring both goals.

Fancy that, 30 years on and Manchester United have scored 1 goal through 2 games, lost both of them, and they haven’t won a title in a generation.

Completing this circle diagram from No Context Brits

The 2009 email from uncle Russ to the Lindfield Tartans’ Under 10s that made Peter FitzSimons’ Fitz Files

Before Russ’ funeral last Monday, myself and mum met up with aunty Therese, who told us about an email that Russell had sent to the parents in Tom’s under-10s rugby team way back in 2009, that was so good Winston Churchill would’ve read it word for word to the British populace in wartime, and was so brilliant it made it’s way into Peter FitzSimons’ Fitz Files in the Sydney Morning Herald.

Russell’s good mate Michael Goodrick (Who was the MC at the funeral) was able to track down the legendary email thanks to Peter, and he read the entire original script at the funeral, drawing a good laugh many times over, and Peter was kind enough to re-publish a slightly watered down version (Minus the mention of Mosman gym-junkie wives) in Saturday’s edition of the Fitz File, complete with a post-script:

Last Sunday in the under-10 finals, the Lindfield Tartans were due to play the Mosman Whales.

Beforehand, the Tartans’ tighthead prop, Dan, came down with a bug, and his mum Donna sent out a group email asking the team for any quick-fix remedies they might have.

Team manager Russell Adams was soon in with his reply:

“Donna, to start with, try him on the lemon juice, and make sure he has lots of sleep and rest, and give him plenty of drugs.”

“Then, on Saturday night, show him the Souths v Manly Grand Final in 1970 (When Satts broke his jaw), some tapes of Tommy Raudonikis, John Donnelly and Les Boyd, Steve Finnane whispering in Graham Price’s ear in the Test against Wales at the SCG in 1978, and then bring out the DVD of the ’91 and ’99 World Cups and stand up in your living room and sing the national anthem.”

“Then take him out the back and tell him to look up into the sky, say to him, ‘Daniel 50 years from now, when you look back on your life and regret all the things you could have done, and all things you could have been, make sure one of them isn’t that you didn’t get a chance to stick it to those Mosman kids with their Wallaby dads and their gym-junkie mums… don’t leave it on the table son; you might only get one shot at the title.

“Then, remind him that the reason God made him the image of a bookend is because there can be no greater calling in life and no greater honour than to pack down in the engine room of the game they play in heaven, and to lead those pigs forward into battle and into history.”

“Apply a bit of Dencorub to his chest, and send him to bed with plenty of encouragement and a hot water bottle.”

Daniel played, the Tartans won, as John Eales & Phil Kearns & their charming wives looked on stoically.

Sadly, Russell Adams passed away ten days ago, and his funeral was last Monday, with the Lindfield rugby mob in attendance.

Vale Russell, you captured the essence of the game beautifully, and were yourself a great servant of it.

Yes, just imagine a sick 10-year-old boy looking at this great photo of John Sattler for inspiration…

Apparently it’s been used as a remedy for sick kids in Redfern for years.

Anthony Albanese also revealed that Scott Morrison secretly appointed himself editor of this website back in 2020

Explains why all of those Coincidences posts I wrote during the lockdown looked like they’d been written by a 7-year-old.

Footage of Ben Rutten preparing for Essendon’s game against Richmond

Port Adelaide allegedly threatened with a $1,000,000 fine and loss of Draft picks by the AFL if they wear the Prison Bars in this weekend’s Showdown

According to Joel Smith from SEN:

Surely that claim could’ve been a bit more dramatic, like, HOW MUCH ARE THE AFL GOING TO FINE PORT?

A couple of photos from the Western Derby on Saturday night

During the week I was offered a ticket to the Derby up in the cheap seats by my old school mate Alex, a long suffering Fremantle supporter who flirted with the idea of jumping ship as a 9-year-old in 2006 and henceforth supporting Geelong….

He’s regretted not doing it, but not on Saturday night as Freo strangled the Eagles in the driving rain, with only bad goalkicking denying Freo an 8+ goal win, in what was David Mundy’s farewell that isn’t quite a farewell to the Freo faithful, because the Dockers have a guaranteed home final in September.

Anyway, it got a bit wet during the opening bounce….

The brawl, in which Caleb Serong gave away a 150m penalty:

An action shot of ‘The King’ Michael Frederick kicking the last goal of the game with the last kick of the game:

Funnily enough, in our margins competition, a certain Mr Merv Roberts had 18 points, with that meaningless goal in terms of the result costing him $50.

And lastly, a look from the cheap seats of David Mundy’s lap of honour:

And the ungodly line for the buses back down Canning Highway after the game, complete with a purple-clad Optus Stadium… Didn’t see many Eagles fans, obviously they’d all gone home 15 minutes into the last quarter.

Antonio Conte and Thomas Tuchel’s handshake

That’s not an aggressive handshake…

THIS is an aggressive handshake:

“Hawkins Will Fall” – I know, Tom Hawkins will probably retire in 2024

Ian Chappell retires after a highly successful 45 year media career consisting mostly of anecdotes from his playing career

‘Back in my day we didn’t do farewell tours, Kerry Packer just stole your kidney and said get this shit off the air.’

I always found it hilarious seeing Chapelli comment on Bradman the way he did, simply because his grandfather Vic Richardson hated Bradman because of his personality.

In short, if you listened to Chapelli enough, you could boil the Don’s character down to that of a vindictive, minature run-greedy tight arse who couldn’t score a single run the last time he played.

Instead of making Kalyn Ponga and Kurt Mann take drug tests for getting kicked out of a pub toilet, the NRL should’ve had them take IQ tests, because they’d fail that for sure

Poor old Kalyn, the last time anyone attracted this much attention for being caught in a toilet with a Mann was Alan Jones, as Chopper once reminded Alan in a classic breakfast TV moment.

A photographic summation of the last minute of the Melbourne vs Carlton contest

My sister went to the Barossa Valley a few weeks ago and came home with this Formula 1 flavoured Cab Sav…. Based on this year, it tastes of underperformance, disappointment, the value for money is shocking, and it will be replaced by a younger wine from Victoria in 2023

Although, apparently Harry Styles would like it:

It turns out I did crack the 100,000 all-time views milestone, which is now so old that I’m up to 102,000

It’s that bloody Geelong all-time record score post that does the job for me….

Deadset, it’s like the Clydesdale horse of internet posts.

And finally, WORLDS ARE COLLIDING at the US Amateur, as the world revels in the USGA creating the Seinfeld grouping

Gary Fields on Twitter

Stan The Caddie was carrying the bags for Kremer, obviously.

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