Xavier Coates with the official No Try of the Year
HE WAS HORIZONTAL, DAMN YOU.
This week on, Rugby League Bold & The Beautiful…
So there’s just the 3 games to go until the Finals commence, and despite the fact they’ll play no part in deciding this season’s premier, the Newcastle Knights dominate the headlines, as Bradman Best & Enari Tuala were both stood down for missing the team bus to Brisbane Airport on Sunday morning, which means Bradman Best is more like Bradman Worst…
And that was only the second-most notable story in the Hunter, because Kalyn Ponga and Kurt Mann got kicked out of a pub toilet for doing something untoward, which led to them being drug tested for illicit substances by the NRL, and as far as NRL toilet incidents go, getting kicked out of a pub toilet is a step below filming yourself vaping in a cubicle during half-time while your teammates are getting shitkicked by the Bulldogs….
Who signed Penrith assistant Cameron Ciraldo to a 5-year contract to serve as head coach from 2023 and beyond, because after the performance of the last Panthers assistant to coach the Berries, what could go wrong?
Cowboys premiership coach Paul Green was farewelled, and it did seem a tad fitting that it was two of the teams that Green played for (The Roosters & The Cowboys) that would meet in the days after his passing, and I would’ve said the same thing if it had have been the Sharks playing the Cowboys.
A New Zealand Warriors fan known as Roger Shoey Vasa-Sheck was allegedly banned for doing a shoey right in front of Stacey Jones at Mt Smart Stadium while the Warriors ran rings around the Bulldogs, but it was rescinded days later after an uprising, and he’ll now do a shoey for mental health charities.
Another crack-ing story was Corey ‘The Assman’ Norman receiving an 8-game suspension in the Super League for pulling a John Hopoate on Oliver Holmes, which is probably the last thing Norman will do in top flight rugby league, because he only came out of retirement to play for Toulouse, who are on course to be relegated with 6 games remaining.
Manly players keep digging holes for themselves, as they demonstrate that they’re unhappy with Rainbow jerseys, but they’re all fine with their mates stabbing people in churches.
Speaking of Manly, they’ve now have a dozen players out injured, among them all of their 20+ try scorers in 2021, with Jason Saab and Reuben Garrick both being seriously injured after the Titans game.
And finally, South Sydney aren’t happy they didn’t get the chance to be the home team for the inaugural game at Allianz Stadium against the Roosters, and this mighty injustice will no doubt find it’s way into the Book of Feuds, just ahead of the chapters where Souths heroically had Glebe kicked out of the NSWRL so they could steal their juniors, and when they had the league change the district boundaries so they could steal a good portion of Easts’ recruiting territories.
Of course, last weekend during Round 22 we saw the rarity of a crippled Penrith being shut out by an equally crippled Storm team IN PENRITH, which marks the first time the Panthers have been shut out since Round 13, 2015, when by sheer coincidence the Storm shut them out 20-0 in the mountains.
In a result I somehow got spot on down to the outcome, Souths ripped the Eels to shreds in Western Sydney, as the Killer Rabbits viciously beheaded another set of fools with a death wish.
The Titans got themselves off the bottom of the ladder by belting a Manly team devoid of players, and freed from the shackles of Ricky Stuart for a week, Canberra defeated St George-Illawarra in yet another Raiders-Dragons game that came down to the final minute, keeping their chances of a Top 8 finish and a Week 1 smashing alive.
So without any further ado, it’s on to the Round 23 Random Picks, with the feature game this week being tonight’s Grand Final rematch between South Sydney and Penrith:
Progressive Score After Round 22: 120/170 (70.5%), without Origin games 119/167
Round 23 Picks:
I just realised, this’ll be the Roosters’ last home game at the SCG for the next 30 years.
Anyway, my Random Pick for this week concerns the Battle of the Beaches between the flailing Manly and their perennial whipping boys Cronulla, who haven’t won at
Asbestos Brookvale Oval since Round 1 of 2008, which turned out to be a great year for the Silvertails….
But I think that run ENDS on Saturday evening, because judging by the form book, there’s going to be a SHARK ATTACK in the Northern Beaches!