Based on a series of plausible events in a regional Victorian town

The first Group 1 of 2023, the time honoured CF Orr Stakes, back at Sandown for the first time since 1996, and I suppose the horse that springs to mind when mentioning the CF Orr at Sandown is the great Vo Rogue, because he won the race 3 times at Sandown between 1988 to 1990:

Other feature events on the day include the Blue Diamond Prelude for 2-year-olds, with only a fortnight until the biggest 2-year-old race in Victoria, plus the Rubiton Stakes, named after the 1987 Cox Plate winner, and staying on the subject of Cox Plate winners…

The Apollo Stakes at Randwick is headlined by the return of Cox Plate winner Anamoe, helping everyone forget the fact he got his gonads handed to him by Zaaki in the Mackinnon two weeks later, and other features in Sydney include the Light Fingers Stakes for the fillies, and the Inglis Millennium, and speaking of which, remember that one year they had the Inglis Millennium at Warwick Farm?

It’s been all downhill ever since.

So it’s on to Crazy Craig, the serial madman who still can’t find a winner, to do what he does best to the sounds of Elvis Presley…

Not find a winner, that’s for sure.

The Les Miserables Pick: Jean Valjean (No.5, Barrier 3) in Race 4 at Morphetville (AR4) 2:02pm ACDT

1050m BM68

Trainer:Will Clarken & Nathan O’Shea, Jockey: Ben Price (a1.5kg), 59.5kg

Hello hello everyone it’s Craaaaazy Craig TBFB, and apparently I’m not giving away enough scratchies, because I can’t get lucky enough to find a winner!

I kid you not, I’m so unlucky if I fell over I wouldn’t even hit the bloody ground!

Anyway, like the crap punter that I am, I’m going to keep trying and failing to find a winner until I find a winner, and you know where I’ll find a winner this week?

A theatre in Adelaide.

And you know what I’ll be watching?

Jean Valjean in a production of Les Miserables!

P(r)ick No.2: I’m Thunderstruck (No.1, Barrier 9) in the CF Orr Stakes at Sandown (MR7), 4:20pm AEDT

1400m WFA Group 1

Trainers: Mick Price & Mick Kent Jnr, Jockey: Jamie Kah, 59kg

I’ll take a quick stab at the feature race of the day, because let’s be honest I won’t be finding the winner, but I’ll go and do it anyway, and if you live out near the Dandedongs or are in the Dandedongs this Saturday, sometime around the afternoon and into the evening, you’ll be hearing a distinct sound…

THUNDER, Nananananana!

THUNDER, Nananananana!

You’ve been I’M THUNDERSTRUCK!

P(r)ick No.3: All The King’s Men (No.2, Barrier 3) in Race 7 at Ascot (PR7), 4:20pm AWST

1500m Listed Challenge Stakes

Trainer: Trevor Andrews, Jockey: Paul ‘The Pontiff’ Harvey, 57kg

Here’s my form analysis for this race:

Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall

All the king’s horses and ALL THE KING’S men

Couldn’t put Humpty together again!

Enjoy your weekend folks, stay safe, stay negative, KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE ROAD, and remember, I’m Crazy Craig, and that’s why they call me Craaaaaazy Craig!