Based on a series of plausible events in a regional Victorian town

Alright, we’re back after a week’s hiatus, and this week I bring you a touch of sadness, because this week Waterford TAB legend The Gabster died at the age of 97…. It could’ve been 96 or 98 or 127, because even the Gabster didn’t know how old he was.

Now, I could write a short story about the many delights The Gabster provided myself, Mr Alfonse, The Critic and the many denizens of the Waterford TAB over the years, starting with his betting philosophies that he routinely ignored:

Stuff the hard work, just back Names And Numbers.

Don’t bet in 1000 metre races.

Only back the Number 8s.

Don’t bet in Melbourne and don’t back Damien Oliver because he’s a THIEF.

Then we got the moments of the Gabster that I can’t forget:

When he told the story of how he drove on the railway tracks pissed as a cricket with his mate Santo, which Santo described as a ‘Bumpy ride.’

Santo never giving him a winner or a sling, leading to Gabby indirectly telling him to go and get f-.

Complaining about the bloke that would routinely come and take betting slips from his table, an individual who came to be known as Ticket Man.

His repeated claims that Joe Azzopardi can’t ride, a claim we would remind him about whenever Smokin’ Joe rode a winner at Belmont or Ascot.

How he claimed he hadn’t backed a winner since the current TAB owners had taken over (Good people of Asian extraction, although he called them something stronger than that), a claim that was shown to be bullshit moments later when he celebrated backing a winner.

A memorable Sunday in November 2018 directly after the Melbourne Cup Carnival was sealed when he spat at the TV after he thought he’d lost a race at Armidale in a photo finish… it turned out he’d won.

It took The Critic to tell him “Gabby, it’s not bloody Greece!”

That time he saw an ad for Trivago, with the Trivago lady, pop up on the TV, and out of absolutely nowhere, he shouted “Go and wash the dishes!”

After a particularly down day on the punt, which seemed to be fairly regularly, Gabby would come in and tell Mr Alfonse that he wasn’t betting anymore, which was an easy way of knowing that Gabby would be back by Tuesday.

The story of when he claimed he found Brad Rawiller’s wallet at Ascot and handed it in, and sometime later Brad came and claimed it, but never thanked Gabby by giving him a tip or a sling, which resulted in Gabby concurring that Brad could go and get f- and that he would never back any of Brad’s rides again.

However, the greatest story Gabby told was about his days as a trots driver in the 1950s, and how he supposedly boxed a favourite in during the run at Gloucester Park, leading to a plea to let him out, to which Gabby supposedly replied:

“Are you going to give me a sling?”

“No.”

“Then you can get ******!”

Whether or not that driver did go and get f***** remains to be seen, but the long and the short is that The Gabster lived a life, and now I suppose he really is serious about not betting anymore.

On that sombre note, it’s on to Crazy Craig, back from a spell after he claimed he was going to Shepparton, although who knows if Craig actually ventured out west with Crazy Colin, because Craig does have a tendency to chuck his phone away and go AWOL…

One thing I do know, he’s still got his Good Luck Charm!

P(r)ick No.1: Legio Ten (No.4, Barrier 1) in Race 4 at Flemington, (MR4), 1:45pm AEST

1400m 3YO Handicap VRC Member Shane Murray

Trainer: James Cummings, Jockey: Celine Gaudray (a2), 55.5kg

Hello hello hello friends it’s Craaaazy Craig TBFB, Scratchie King of Bairnsdale, and for those you wondering, YES, we did go to Shepparton, and Crazy Colin decided to audition for McDonald’s by preparing a hamburger…

In the kitchen of our accommodation!

How crazy is that!

Yes folks, and while they’re racing in Bairnsdale on Freaky Friday, the focus is on Super Saturday at Flemington, and I’ll start off just before the halfway mark with a horse named after the Roman Tenth Legion, who were featured in the Life of Brian, but they’ll be wearing the Royal Blue of Godolphin instead of the purple of Rome, getting a weight swing on Cause For Concern, to be ridden by the apprentice Celine Gaudray!

Celine Gaudray… 

Didn’t she sing that song from the Titanic?

Yes, it’s all coming back to me now!

P(r)ick No.2: Tristate (No.3, Barrier 4) E/W in Race 10 at Randwick (SR10), 4:35pm AEST

1800m BM88 Robrick Lodge Eremin Handicap

Trainer: Anthony Cummings, Jockey: Jason Collett, 59.5kg

On to the second Prick to go around for us on Saturday, and varying it up for the sake of comedy I’ve decided not to back a favourite at Randwick, the most favourite last words since ‘This submarine is totally safe’, and for no reason at all, I’ve gone for the 11/1 pop in the last, who has a mere 2 victories from 13 starts, but randomly enough, one of those came 1st Up when Methuselah was a boy!

And guess what, Tristate is 1st Up tomorrow, so I ask the question…

WHAT COULD GO WRONG!?

Now. for no reason at all other than the horse’s name, here’s Billy Joel with a FADS hanging out of his mouth singing New York State of Mind!

The Gabster Tribute Pick

Covert Rose (No.8, Barrier 3) E/W in Race 8 at Belmont (PR8), 3:55pm AWST

2200m Listed 3YO SW Belmont Classic

Trainers: Grant & Alana Williams, Jockey: Patrick Carberry, 54.5kg

I have no idea who The Gabster was, but I’ve been instructed to put this in as some kind of Race 8 Number 8 joke, which means less work and more beer time for yours truly!

How crazy is that!

Anyway, I think this’ll be a KISS FROM A COVERT ROSE!

Enjoy your Saturday folks, stay safe, stay negative, GAMBLE WITHIN REASON, KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE ROAD, and remember, I’m Crazy Craig, and that’s why they call me Craaaaaazy Craig!