Based on a series of plausible events in a regional Victorian town

No word of a lie, I thought today was Thursday.

Another journey through the depths of darkness of August racing, as witness the lunacy of Racing Victoria CEO Andrew Jones, who had an interview on Racing.com where he went through a range of topics, among them whipless team racing in some kind of Big Bash style racing, and how RV would investigate the idea of jockeys communicating with trainers via radio earpieces during races, an idea he claims came from Formula One drivers talking to their pit crews, even though pretty much every other motorsport has radios, because unlike horse racing, their events last longer than 2 minutes.

To be honest, I don’t think using motor racing communication tactics in horse racing would work, because a jockey asking for a blinker and saddle change on their horse at their next pit stop just doesn’t make sense, and he’s probably going to lose 20 lengths at a bare minimum.

Naturally, the interview got shitcanned by everyone except Michelle Payne, so I think there needs to be a compromise…

Have a radio earpiece between jockeys and punters, so that way punters can ask the jockeys which horse is going to run like a busted arse, they can identify the get-on horse, start the plunge and win, the major problem of jockey abuse is solved as they get showered with praise, and bookmakers are sent of the seventh layer of hell.

Sadly though, unlike Andrew Jones, we must remain rooted in reality, and having a look at this weekend’s slate it is deadset shithouse – Moonee Valley has absolutely nothing to offer as per usual, Rosehill has the Listed Rosebud, Belmont has something called a Newmarket before the Western Derby incinerates Burswood, Morphetville has the Group 3 Behemoth Stakes, renamed after the triple Group 1 winner, and apparently this is the day for the Casino Cup, a day where we forget about Cody Walker and recognise Casino’s contribution to thoroughbreds, which seems to be entirely within the career of Chris Munce.

Long and the short, the Matildas will probably be more engrossing, even if they lose 5-0.

So it’s on to Crazy Craig, and the No.1 Lunatic Tipster started a winner as he hit on Brayden Star early in the piece, and despite a bunch of fatheads thinking they could outsmart the lunatic by making Brayden drift, he lunged over the top and won on the line.

P(r)ick No.1: Master of Chant (No.6, Barrier 6) E/W in Race 4 at Moonee Valley (MR4), 1:35pm AEST

1600m BM70 Maureen Salter Handicap

Trainers: Trent Busuttin & Natalie Young, Jockey: Mark Zahra, 60kg

Hello hello everyone it’s Craaaazy Craig TBFB, Scratchie King of Bairnsdale, back and ready to fight for another Saturday, and despite all prognostications of DOOM, wasn’t it great to see little Brayden Star fly over the top and win at Flemington for the Crazy clan!

As Meatloaf’s brother used to sing, one out of three ain’t bad!

Anyway, this week I’m doing to do what no sane man should be doing, and that’s punt at Moonee Valley, but as you all know by now, I’m no sane man…

I’m Crazy Craig!

Now, after a lack of consideration I’ve settled on Race 4, and an import for the half-Kiwi combination named Master of Chant, who won 1st Up at Sale just before the season ended, and can quite easily do something again at the worst track in Australian metro racing…

It also makes me think, who are or is the master of chant?

Well, I’d have to give it to West Ham United, for doing this to Jonjo Shelvey, on account of him looking like a certain Dark Wizard:

P(r)ick No.2: Phanta (No.4, Barrier 7) in Race 8 at Belmont (PR8), 3:35pm AWST

1200m Listed Belmont Newmarket

Trainers: Chris & Michael Gangemi, Jockey: Brad Parnham, 56kg

Phanta won the Bolton Sprint 1st Up for the Gangemis, and he can easily go on with it on Saturday if all the ducks are lined up in a row, which usually means “Heck no!” and judging by a name like Phanta, he’s an orange horse who doesn’t forget its origins…

Unlike Fanta, who like to forget they were invented by plausible Nazis who couldn’t import the syrup for Coca Cola.

Enjoy your Saturday folks, stay safe, stay negative, GAMBLE WITHIN REASON, KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE ROAD, and remember, I’m Crazy Craig, and that’s why they call me Craaaaaazy Craig!