Based on a series of plausible events in a regional Victorian town

As the Springtime officially begins, we start it off with the news that it shall be the last Spring Carnival for one Damien Oliver, after a certified record 128 Group 1 victories, a record 7 wins in the VRC Oaks, 4 Caulfield Cups, 3 Melbourne Cups, 2 Cox Plates, one terrible biographical film that featured Brendan Gleeson as Dermot Weld, and one suspension for betting.

I can only summise that Ollie chose to retire after the Perth Carnival for two reasons, not only because it’s where his life and career began, but because the one race Ollie still wants to win above all others is the Railway Stakes, and you know why?

Because his brother Jason won it on Medicine Kid in 1990, and it’s still the one race Jason has over his younger brother, 21 years after his untimely death.

A few years ago Ollie was in tears when he won the Winterbottom (Voodoo Lad 2018), imagine the scenes post-race at the end of November if he matches Jason.

Also, it can’t be a coincidence that Ollie, known as ‘The Thief’ by Waterford TAB legend The Gabster, decided to retire a few weeks after The Gabster passed away.

He knew he was free.

Now, time to focus on the weekend of racing, and the first weekend of Spring brings with it the heavy hitters, and they don’t come any bigger than….

THE BIRDSVILLE CUP.

Oh, to be a backmarker at Birdsville… you’d probably end up like Burke and Wills under all that sand.

The other noteable race on Saturday is the Group 1 Memsie Stakes at Caulfield, the now traditional kickoff point for the Melbourne Spring Carnival, featuring a bunch of other races that will gain greater significance as the months progress, while Randwick has the Group 2 double of the Chelmsford and the Tramway Stakes, and the Group 3 Concorde Stakes, named after the iconic airliner that last flew 20 years ago this year.

Good lord, what a sound.

The Concorde was the cramped, affluent pinnacle of commercial air travel, and all we’ve been left with since 2003 is Boeing’s routine disappointments.

So it’s on to Crazy Craig, and last week not even a late Belmont runner could spare our resident lunatic from a winless weekend, punctuated by a pair of 2nd placings either side of a crap run from his value pick, but that’s what you come to expect from Crazy Craig, the good with the downright unfortunate…

Still, unfortunate is not the word you’d often use for somebody who uses Elvis Presley as a GOOD LUCK CHARM!

P(r)ick No.1: Court Deep (No.2, Barrier 9) E/W in Race 4 at Caulfield (MR4) 1:45pm AEST

2000m BM78 Evergreen Turf Handicap

Trainers: Ciaron Maher & David Eustace, Jockey: Celine Gaudray (a2), 61kg

Hello hello friends, it’s Craaaaazy Craig TBFB, Scratchie King of Bairnsdale, and can you believe it, it’s SPRING already!

How crazy is that!

Now, I’d best kick off the spring in my 14th-most favourite place in Victoria, Caulfield, and once again I have no idea about Group 1 racing so we’ll go instead to earlier in the card, and I see a horse in Race 4 named COURT DEEP…

Dunno anything about its form, didn’t even know that it existed until now, but I figured it reminded me of the fact that Margaret Court is going be buried deep in hellfire for being a hateful flog!

P(r)ick No.2: Think It Over (No.1, Barrier 4) in the Chelmsford Stakes at Randwick (SR8) 3:55pm AEST

1600m Group 2 SWFA

Trainer: Kerry Parker, Jockey: Nash Rawiller, 59kg

Assuming Think It Over doesn’t get a sudden case of second up syndrome after a heck of a return from a 16-month layoff, this race is half won…

The other half will have to be won on the track, and I assume they’ll give Nash Rawiller a radio so he can listen to a Rolling Stones classic to remind him to THINK, THINK, THINK BACK BABY!

A CRAZY musical fact – That was on the same album as Paint It Black!

P(r)ick No.3: Rockin’ Rupert (No.3, Barrier 9) E/W in Race 7 at Belmont (PR7), 3:50pm AWST

1200m 59+ Rating Quayclean Handicap

Trainers: Sean & Jake Casey, Jockey: Laqdar Ramoly, 58kg

Crazy Colin told me he picked Rockin’ Rupert on Melbourne Cup Day, and as is tradition with Crazy Colin he lost by a narrow margin after being 400 lengths last, but he told me there was one great takeaway that he learned after the race…

He got a cheap excuse to play RUPERT Holmes!

If you like piña coladas
And gettin’ caught in the rain
If you’re not into yoga
If you have half a brain
If you like makin’ love at midnight
In the dunes on the cape
Then I’m the love that you’ve looked for
Write to me and escape!

Crazy Memsie Stakes Pick: I Wish I Win

Enjoy your Saturday folks, stay safe, stay negative, GAMBLE WITHIN REASON, KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE ROAD, and remember, I’m Crazy Craig, and that’s why they call me Craaaaaazy Craig!