Based on a series of plausible events in a regional Victorian town

Another week of a Spring that doesn’t seem to be getting any better, and the highlights of this weekend include the Group 1 double of the Golden Rose at Rosehill, a race dominated by the Sydney colts for years and years, and the Underwood Stakes at Caulfield, back at The Heath after 2 years at Sandown, and the Underwood is so often a race that has led to better things, as evidenced by a roll of honour that includes Phar Lap, Ajax (3x), Rain Lover, Big Philou, Bonecrusher, Rubiton, Jeune, Octagonal, Tie The Knot, Northerly (2x), Mummify, Elvstroem, So You Think and others.

Pretty much every single one of those horses (Tie The Knot the exemption) went on to win a Caulfield Cup, a Cox Plate or a Melbourne Cup, or sometimes two of the three in the same season.

Other noteworthy races this weekend include the Preludes for the Caulfield Guineas and Thousand Guineas, still 3 weeks away in this Spring without end, the Shannon Stakes and the Golden Pendant at Rosehill, and I can only surmise the Golden Pendant is for the horses who weren’t cool enough to try and win the Golden Rose, while other races include the Toowoomba Cup, which for some reason isn’t under lights despite it being Toowoomba on a Saturday, and another highlight of the weekend include the Ewan races on Friday, and not many people know that Ewan was named after Ewan McGregor, because the townspeople were such fans of Trainspotting that they wanted to name the town in his honour.

For all I know, they could also have been fans of Brassed Off.

So it’s on to Crazy Craig, and this is the part where I play an Elvis Presley song, and we all try and ignore the fact that an undiagnosed schizophrenic is trying to provide us with race tips.

P(r)ick No.1: Iron Man (No.16, Barrier 18) E/W in Race 2 at Rosehill (SR2), 12:25pm AEST

1300m BM72 Handicap

Trainer: Ed O’Rourke, Jockey: Rachel King, 56kg

Hello hello knackers it’s Craaaaaaazy Craig TBFB, Scratchie King of Bairnsdale, back once again for reasons beyond my limited understanding, and this week I had to throw a carrot at Crazy Colin to get him to stop singing the Carlton theme song!

For god’s Melbourne, why’d you have to piss that game away…. now all we can do is hope Fitzroy win at the Gabba on Saturday night.

Still, before they go doing that, I’d also like to see a good honest little battler named after a Black Sabbath song win at Rosehill, although who knows if he’ll even get a start at this stage because he is the second emergency, but nonetheless, START THE MUSIC….

I AM IRONNNNNN MAN!

I tell you knackers, those are lyrics that could easily describe the daily life of yours truly!

Has he lost his mind, can he see or is he blind?

Can he walk at all, or if he moves, will he fall?

Is he alive or dead, has he thoughts within his head?

We’ll just pass him there, why should we even care?

P(r)ick No.2: Steparty (No.3, Barrier 8) in Race 7 at Caulfield (MR7), 3:40pm AEST

1400m Group 3 3YO Set Weights Caulfield Guineas Prelude

Trainer: Paul Preusker, Jockey: John Allen, 57kg

Well, if anybody can stop an unbeaten colt from going 5/5, it’d be a lunatic from Bairnsdale, and that reminds me, I reckon a name like Steparty reminds me of a classic Lesley Gore song..

It’s Steparty and I’ll cry if I want to
Cry if I want to
Cry if I want to
You would cry too, if it happened to you!

How appropriate that Gore mentions Johnny, when Steparty will be ridden by John Allen….

Hopefully by 3:45 on Saturday, nobody has to wonder where my Johnny has gone!

P(r)ick No.3: Jedi Mind (No.8, Barrier 5) E/W in Race 6 at Belmont (PR6), 4pm AWST

1400m Perth Racing Club Membership Handicap

Trainer: Brett Pope, Jockey: Clint Johnston-Porter, 55kg

“You want to pick Jedi Mind…”

“I want to pick Jedi Mind…”

“These aren’t the horses you’re looking for…”

“These aren’t the horses we’re looking for.”

Golden Rose P(r)ick: King Colorado to assassinate Shinzo

Underwood P(r)ick: I’ll go down WITHOUT A FIGHT

Enjoy your Saturday folks, stay safe, stay negative, GAMBLE WITHIN REASON, KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE ROAD, and remember, I’m Crazy Craig, and that’s why they call me Craaaaaazy Craig!