Based on a series of plausible events in a regional Victorian town

Ah friends, the last day of September awaits us, and of course this year it’s the last day before daylight savings begin again, and that makes me think, why the hell is daylight savings still a thing.

The only reason most countries stared using it was to conserve coal during the First World War, but the only difference between then and now is that we don’t completely hate German people.

We get enough damn sunlight in summer anyway, it is a complete waste and inconvenience, especially for people in rural areas, and it means I have to watch sporting events at 4:30 in the afternoon instead of 5:30.

In the bin, sooner rather than later.

Now, after that little rant, of course we have the greatest sporting weekend of the Australian calendar awaiting us:

– The AFL Grand Final parade today, followed by the Moir Stakes night meeting at Moonee Valley, if you can be tempted having a go at Death Valley, which I won’t be for the 11th month in a row.

– The AFL Grand Final on Saturday afternoon between Collingwood and Brisbane after a 20 year wait for the final installment of the trilogy, in conjunction with that Super Saturday Epsom Day at Royal Randwick, plus some shit meeting at Mornington to rub salt into the wound on suffering Victorians.

– The NRL Grand Final on Sunday, as Penrith go for a shot at history against the revived Broncos, alongside the Group 3 Sandown Stakes on the Hillside track, and the warm-up act in Perth will be the Men’s Fours club championship at Manning, featuring this drongo author playing with an Australian player.

I did ask for Rob Parella, and they couldn’t quite get me Aaron Wilson, so I’ll have to go with Mr Packer.

So it’s on to Crazy Craig, and despite his best efforts last week he did manage to find a winner, as Steparty stayed unbeaten in the Caulfield Guineas Prelude, but other than that he produced more donuts than Donut King itself, so much so they’re looking to sue for copyright infringement…

Still, if he brings his GOOD LUCK CHARM to court, he’ll get off on all charges!

P(r)ick No.1: Regal Pom (No.1, Barrier 1) E/W in Race 4 at Eagle Farm (BR4), 1:48pm AEST

Hello hello everyone it’s Crazy Craig, TBFB, Scratchie King of Bairnsdale, and I am deadset FILTHY with this year’s AFL Grand Final matchup!

You probably don’t remember, but 2 years ago I put $3,500 on Brisbane to win the AFL Premiership, and last year I put $1500 on the former Fitzroy team to win at 8/1!

Turns out I shot my bolt too early, 2 BLOODY YEARS IN A ROW!

You can’t win with these meatheads – They make Crazy Colin look like a MENSA alumni!

Anyway, we better focus on this weekend’s racing first of all, and I noticed Mornington is the feature Victorian meeting of the day, with some cup named after Reg Ansett, founder of the company that casued the biggest corporate collapse in Australian history, and it begs the question, will I be betting at Mornington?

NO!

Because Mornington is a shithole!

You’d be better off selling that dump to the North Koreans to use as a missile test site!

And the MRC want to sell off Sandown instead, despite it being the far greater racecourse…

Spare me!

So you know what, in honour of this weekend with two Brisbane teams in their respective Grand Finals IN THE SAME YEAR for the first time, I’ll fly up to EAGLE FARM to kick things off, and it’s a big field in Race 4, and they’ll all be chasing down the big frontrunning top weight, REGAL POM, with the 3 kilo claim on top, and it’s appropirate that the horse is trained by a Pom in Annabel Neasham.

You know who else was a Regal Pom?

Hyacinth Bucket!

Sorry, Bouquet.

P(r)ick No.2: Benaud (No.12, Barrier 1) E/W in the Metropolitan Handicap at Randwick (SR9), 4:45pm AEST

2400m Group 1 Handicap

Trainer: John O’Shea, Jockey: Jamie Kah, 51.5kg

Why couldn’t they give Benaud Barrier Chew and Saddlecloth Chew?

That’s not Marvellous, that’s a waste.

Also, I think Benaud is running a week early, because Richie’s birthday is October 6, the same birthday as his old colleague Tony Greig!

Now, that’s a Marvellous coincidence, that!

P(r)ick No.3: Triple Jay (No.5, Barrier 4) in Race 9 at Belmont (PR9), 5:28pm AEST

1200m Graduation 60+ Rating Handicap

Trainers: Dan & Ben Pearce, Jockey: William Pike, 58kg

Heading for the Top 10 of this year’s Hottest 100 with a bullet, with a single called PIKE IN THE LAST.

In the meantime, here’s something else from Triple Jay!

Some other CRAZY Group 1 Picks:

Mollynickers (No.7) E/W in the Flight Stakes

Hope in Your Heart (No.8) E/W in the Epsom Handicap

Enjoy your GRAND FINAL WEEKEND folks, stay safe, stay negative, GAMBLE WITHIN REASON, KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE ROAD, and remember, I’m Crazy Craig, and that’s why they call me Craaaaaazy Craig!