Based on a series of plausible events in a regional Victorian town

One of the great big race days of the year, as Caulfield hosts the Caulfield Guineas meeting, also featuring the Group 1 Might and Power (Gai Waterhouse having the Top 2 in the market there), while Randwick plays host to one of the great egalitarian races of Australian society…

The Kosciuszko.

There’s also some race for the rich pricks worth $12m that they named after a mountain in Nepal.

Of course, in recent years The Everest has shared the same day as Caulfield Cup Day to create this mega raceday, made easier by the fact that both days lined up with the NSW and Victorian Spring Carnivals, but with the Melbourne Cup effectively a week later due to calendar rotation, The Everest is a week earlier and we find ourselves temporarily back to the original format of sharing Caulfield Guineas Day.

Another highlight of the Randwick card, as part of Racing NSW’s attempts to inflate themselves to heights not seen since John Glenn on Friendship 7, is the renamed Group 1 King Charles III Stakes, which was the old George Main Stakes run a few weeks before the Epsom Handicap (In fact it was a ballot exemption race for the Epsom), but has since been moved deeper into October to entice horses that would’ve otherwise tackled a Group 1 in Melbourne.

All very interesting, and nothing I really give a shit about.

Other highlights of Saturday racing around the nation include the Hill Smith Stakes at Morphetville, which might feature a crow-eating raider that’ll go on to run at big odds in the Victoria Derby or Oaks, and another highlight is opening day at Ascot, which is in Belmont, which won’t feature much decent racing because its Ascot and it just isn’t as good a track as Belmont.

So it’s on to Crazy Craig, and after absolutely waltzing in with Riff Rocket last week, I will remind you that this was the point in time last year when our resident lunatic went off the rails and started laying duck eggs throughout the remainder of 2022 (Something like 1 winner in 3 months), and it wouldn’t be that surprising if he pulled it off again, because after all, he is a self-confessed madman…

However, he does carry a GOOD LUCK CHARM!

The Bruce Springsteen P(r)ick No.1: Grey River (No.5, Barrier 6) E/W in Race 4 at Caulfield (MR4), 2pm AEDT

1200m Group 3 Mares Senet Northwood Plume Stakes

Trainer: John O’Connor, Jockey: Damien Oliver, 57kg

Hello hello hello everybody it’s Craaazy Craig TBFB, Scratchie King of Bairnsdale, and last week I was so high I went to the MOON.

‘How’d you get there, Crazy Craig?’ I hear you ask?

I strapped myself to RIFF ROCKET, baby!

However, we must focus on the present, and I’ve taken a squiz of the Caulfield card, and quite honestly all the big races at The Heath are very uninteresting, because I like one in Race 4, the last start winner Grey River…

Nothing to do with his previous start, but because he sounds like a song by The Boss himself!

We go down to Grey River, and into Grey River we’d dive!

Oh, down to Grey River we’d ride!

P(r)ick No.2: In Secret (No.9, Barrier 12) E/W in The Everest at Randwick (SR7), 4:15pm AEDT

1200m WFA The TAB Everest

Trainer: James Cummings, Jockey: Zac Purton, 56.5kg

A mare has never won The Everest in 6 additions, and now that I’ve jumped on In Secret, that run is a certainty to continue…

But hey, I am a lunatic, so let’s have a bit of fun before we go to hell!

In fact, I wonder if Doc Neeson would’ve been a fan of In Secret…

She keeps no secrets?

No, she keeps In Secret!

Ruler Rocket (No.1, Barrier 4) in Race 7 at Ascot (PR7), 4:27pm AWST

1000m Graduation 60+ Rating Drummond Golf Handicap

Trainer: Bruce Watkins, Jockey: Troy Turner, 60kg

Well, we had a good run with a horse named after a Rocket last week…

Let’s go again – Take it away, Sir Elton!

The Crazy Group 1 Picks

The Might & Power will be Just Fine, thank you for asking

The Caulfield Guineas will be like the Middle East and will Militarize

The King Charles Stakes will open up your eager eyes, because it’s Mr Brightside

Enjoy your Saturday folks, stay safe, stay negative, GAMBLE WITHIN REASON, KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE ROAD, and remember, I’m Crazy Craig, and that’s why they call me Craaaaaazy Craig!