Based on a series of plausible events in a regional Victorian town

And there we were all in one place, a generation getting ready to piss away one of the great days of the Australian turf, the Caulfield Cup, as Ireland and Japan’s second stringers take on our third rate stayers, and this year marks 25 years since the win of infamous 66-1 pop Taufan’s Melody, the first International winner of the race, trained by England cricket captain Colin Cowdrey’s distinguished wife Lady Herries, who remains one of only two women to train the winner of the Caulfield Cup, the other being Gai Waterhouse with Descerado in 2010.

Of course, Ray Cochrane infamously speared 2 horses into the fence to win the race, which turned out to be the Melbourne Cup quinella of Jezabeel and Champagne, a move that earned Cochrane a month’s suspension and should’ve seen Taufan’s Melody stripped of the win, but the stewards dismissed all protests as they couldn’t be certain either horse would’ve passed the winner.

If that level of interference is only worth one month in the bin, then you’d have to strangle someone with a saddle to get a year.

On another note, you may have noticed that the Thousand Guineas has now been moved out of October and back to mid-November (Same day as the moved Sir Rupert Clarke Stakes), and the typical Wednesday Caulfield meeting has become quite shithouse, which also means the VRC Oaks is now a good 9 days before the 1000 Guineas, and no sane human being is going to make a filly drop from 2500m to 1600m in 9 days…

And I say sane human being because Chris Waller’s record proves he is an alien from the planet Zog.

Other noteworthy races at The Heath on Saturday include the Group collection of the Thousand Guineas Prelude, the McCafe Sprint, the Tristarc Stakes, the Ethereal Stakes, the Caulfield Classic, and the Moonga Stakes, and the only other Group race on the day is at Ascot with the Group 3 Eurythmic Stakes, named after the horse who won the 1920 Caulfield Cup.

So it’s on to Crazy Craig, and when I saw Craig’s Everest pick of In Secret flash home to run a narrow 4th in the big race, when all the place bets in the world were on his shoulder, I knew he was utterly rooted for the rest of the day…

And that’s exactly what happened, as his tips were utterly rooted left right and centre, and the resident lunatic produced more ducks than Greg Chappell in 1981.

Still, he never lost his good luck charm in all that carnage!

P(r)ick No.1: Fine Touch (No.4, Barrier 6) in Race 1 at Ascot (PR1), 12:39pm AWST

1800m 66+ Rating Handicap

Trainer: Ross Price, Jockey: William Pike, 57kg

Hello hello everyone it’s Crazy Craig TBFB, Scratchie King of Bairnsdale, back at my absolute worst last week, which is actually good by my standards, because I actually managed to get a 3rd and a 4th placing…

The only problem was, the 3rd place was on a win Pick, and the 4th was In Secret in The Everest when she was absolutely flying home in clear air!

However, to use a quote by former Prime Minister Tony Abbott, which he probably used after seeing the referendum results on Saturday night…

Anyway, that was then and this is now, and for a change I’m not going to put my list prick of the day in Perth, I’m going to use it with my first, and we’ve got a horse with a name that did match my tipping performances up until last Saturday…

FINE TOUCH, Crazy Craig!

But, after last Saturday, it was a FINE TOUCH Too Much according to Ronald Belford Scott of Fremantle, Western Australia!

P(r)ick No.2: Skew Wiff (No.2, Barrier 2) in Race 7 at Caulfield (MR7), 3:50pm AEST

1400m Group 2 Mares Tristarc Stakes

Trainer: Mark Walker, Jockey: Opie Bosson, 58.5kg

Skew Wiff…

I reckon I’ve done a Spew Wiff before on Crazy Colin’s back garden, but I can’t say I’ve heard of a Skew Wiff, or as the New Zealand locals call it, Skew Whuff!

The Steely Dan Pick: Steely (No.4, Barrier 10) E/W in Race 8 at Randwick (SR8), 5:35pm AEDT

1600m Handicap Big Dance Wildcard

Trainers: Gerald Ryan & Sterling Alexiou, Jockey: Josh Parr, 58kg

We’re REELIN’ IN THE YEARS with Steely in the Big Dance Wildcard… can he DO IT AGAIN after his last start win at Eagle Farm?

I wonder who the jockey is… Kid Charlemagne?

Actually, Only A Fool Would Say That!

Crazy Caulfield Cup

The big No.8 Smallcombe seems to be weighted perfectly and would get my weight of support, although

I do want to include Hoo Ya Mal, just so I can post the greatest moment in history involving a bloke called Mal!

Enjoy your Saturday folks, stay safe, stay negative, GAMBLE WITHIN REASON, KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE ROAD, and remember, I’m Crazy Craig, and that’s why they call me Craaaaaazy Craig!