Based on a series of plausible events in a regional Victorian town

Well friends, after Without A Fight was able to keep the Caulfield Cup despite Mark Zahra’s blatant disregard for the limp-wristed whip rules ($50,000 and doesn’t even miss a Saturday, what a bargain!), back we come for another edition of the W.S. Cox Plate from Moonee Valley, and the decree has been issued by British racing loudmouth Matt Chapman – If Aidan O’Brien’s Victoria Road wins the WFA classic, then “Your mile and a quarter horses are as pants as your stayers.”

What a nonsense statement – They already are as pants as our eighth-rate stayers.

Of course, another highlight of Cox Plate Day is the appearance of the Group 1 Manikato Stakes, which was re-run on Cox Plate day last year thanks to the horrid run of weather that wiped out the Friday night meeting, but the change was obviously so good that it stuck for 2023, with the Moonee Valley Gold Cup getting shafted to the Friday night slot, giving us a Super Saturday at Moonee Valley alongside Group 2s like the Crystal Mile, the Fillies Classic, the Moonee Valley Vase and the Red Anchor Stakes.

While all that goes on, the beefed up Sydney Carnival carries on, first of all with the running of the Group 1 Spring Champion Stakes for the 3YOs, plus a running of The Invitation, a race that requires some kind of an invitation, and the most prestigious race named after a racing figure….

The Callander-Presnell.

What a SHUPER race, Tappy!

Of course, many years ago the Manikato was in September and it was the Moir Stakes that was on Cox Plate Day, but the roles are now well and truly reversed.

As for the other crap races across the country on Saturday, I couldn’t give a rat’s tossbag.

So it’s on to Crazy Craig, and I think it’s best we use a phrase that the Collingwood Football Club have made popular in recent years, for completely different reasons than performing like a busted arse…

DO BETTER.

P(r)ick No.1: Wishlor Lass (No.2, Barrier 1) in Race 3 at Moonee Valley (MR3), 1:20pm AEDT

1600m Group 3 Powerful Solutions Tesio Stakes

Trainer: Symon Wilde, Jockey: Damian Lane, 59kg

Hello hello hello everyone it’s Craaaaazy Craig TBFB, Scratchie King of Bairnsdale, and fair to say last week was a bigger write off than George Michael’s last 3 cars, but as Murray Walker once said, I don’t make mistakes I make PROPHEICES.

Which immediately turn out to be wrong!

So, sticking to my pop guns and straying ahead to the future and forgetting the past, we’ll continue making the same mistakes this weekend on good old Cox Plate Day at Death Valley, the track where getting speared by a running rail is preferrable to being a backmarker pushing shit uphill trying to make ground, and for absolutely no reason other than the fact that I need to shoehorn a joke into this tip, I’ve gone for Wishlor Lass, because you can Wishlor upon a star!

And on that note, there’s been a rider change – Damian Lane has come off, Jiminy Cricket has made the weight and will take the ride.

P(r)ick No.2: Heman (No.3, Barrier 11) E/W in Race 9 at Randwick (SR9), 5:30pm AEDT

1600m Group 2 3YO Set Weights Callander-Pressnell

Trainers: Peter & Paul Snowden, Jockey: Josh Parr, 57kg

Ah what a great name knackers – Heman, sired by I Am Invincible, and the only disappoint is that the dam isn’t called Greyskull!

HEMAN….

AND THE MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE!

And when they get down to the turn for home and Heman is 8 lengths last from the outside draw, Josh Parr can shout I HAVE THE POWERRRRRRRRRRR!

P(r)ick No.3: Sentimental Hero (No.5, Barrier 9) in Race 9 at Ascot (PR9), 5:40pm AWST

1600m 72+ Rating Handicap Geoff Magor Handicap

Trainer: Michael Grantham, Jockey: Clint Johnston-Porter, 58kg

The Get-Out Stakes at Ascot, which is in Belmont, and you know knackers, some times I wonder when we are ever gonna change, living under the fear, until nothing else remains…

Because WE DON’T NEED ANOTHER SENTIMENTAL HERO!

We don’t need to know the way home!

All we want is life beyondddd the Thunderdome!

Crazy Craig’s Crappy Cox Plate Pick

There’s just something about Romantic Warrior’s run in the Turnbull that makes me not want to touch him with a 50-foot steel pole…

Must be the name… Pfft, Romantic Warrior.

So that said, I’ve done the Crazy Craig special and thrown a dart at Crazy Colin’s dartboard, and I’ll reveal what number I hit right about now….

Well, it didn’t even hit the board, so I guess I’ll take up that dickhead Matt Chapman and go for Victoria Road each-way!

Enjoy your Saturday folks, stay safe, stay negative, GAMBLE WITHIN REASON, KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE ROAD, and remember, I’m Crazy Craig, and that’s why they call me Craaaaaazy Craig!