Based on a series of plausible events in a regional Victorian town

Ah, the end of another year, and finally Crazy Craig has apparently found enough time to actually read the form guide, because he’s stopped telling me to piss off on Friday evenings, so we can actually lose money on 3 picks instead of 2.

That said, there’s not much to look at, seeing as most of the decent races are on Monday, like the Perth Cup, the Flemington New Years races, Canterbury twilight races and the Longford Cup, the oldest Cup in Australia…

So we’ve been left with the Magic Millions warm-up at Doomben, headed by the Group 3 Vo Rogue Plate, named after the greatest piece of four-legged entertainment to hail from Queensland, plus some meeting from Moonee Valley, and Pinjarra, which is soon to become a remote suburb of Perth in the year 2050.

Anyway, here’s some appropriate New Year’s Eve Eve music, coming to you thanks to small Scandinavian band that featured a woman from Norway.

The Village People P(r)ick: Naval College (No.2, Barrier 2) in Race 5 at Randwick (SR5), 2:50pm AEDT

2000m BM88 Petaluma Handicap

Trainer: Annabel Neasham, Jockey: Jett Stanley (a2), 56kg

Hello hello everyone it’s Craaaaaazy Craig TBFB, Scratchie King of Bairnsdale, and after a shithouse hectic Christmas season from my end, in which I got no time to enjoy myself, I’ve finally got enough time to sit down at home, crack open a tinnie and read the form guide to see if I can pick a winner with my eyes shut!

I may not pick a winner, but I’ll have my eyes shut nonetheless!

Regardless of that fact, it’s time to find a winner, and first up I’ll go to the great institution known as Woyal Wandwick, and I could be wrong, but a few months I did try a Village People tip, only that time I used Go West, but it turned out life wasn’t so peaceful out there…

So this time around I’ve decided to join the Navy, via Annabel Neasham’s Naval College, who will be going damn close to winning second-up, and sail the seven seas with the cowboy, that policeman, and the native American!

Except the construction worker, he served no logical purpose In The Navy.

P(r)ick No.2: Divine Purpose (No.11, Barrier 11) E/W in Race 8 at Moonee Valley (MR8), 4:20pm AEDT

2040m BM70 Blake Albones Memorial Handicap

Trainers: Peter Moody & Katherine Coleman, Jockey: Carleen Hefel (a1.5), 58kg

I think I’ll need some DIVINE INTERVENTION to win this one, especially with it being at the third-worst metropolitan track in Australia…

Good thing I’ve got my Cliff Richard collection!

P(r)ick No.3: Starring Knight (No.2, Barrier 6) E/W in Race 7 at Pinjarra (CR7), 5pm AWST (8pm)

1400m 66+ Rating Mandurah Cup

Trainers: Daniel & Ben Pearce, Jockey: Chris Parnham, 58.5kg

And now ladies and gentlemen, to conclude 2023, here’s Mr Don McLean!

Starring Starring Knight…

Paint your palette blue and gray
Look out on a summer’s day
With eyes that know the darkness in my soul!

Enjoy your New Year folks, stay safe, stay negative, KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE ROAD, and remember, I’m Crazy Craig, and that’s why they call me Craaaaaazy Craig!