Based on a series of plausible events in a regional Victorian town

Alright, moving on from the forgetful events of last week, we’ve arrived at the weekend of the fabled Newmarket Handicap up the Straight Six at Flemington, and a fun fact I always like to tell is there’s only 2 races at Flemington that allow for a full field of 24 horses.

The Melbourne Cup is the prime example, and the Newmarket Handicap is the other.

Of course, the news from Melbourne is that they’ve been smashed by a heatwave, meaning the meeting will be starting at 10:45 local, the Newmarket will run at 12:45pm local, and the last done by 2:30pm.

On the other side of Wodonga, Randwick adds to the Group 1 pandemonium with the Canterbury Stakes and the Randwick Guineas, the old Canterbury Guineas that used to be the first leg of the 3YO Triple Crown, and there’s solid support races across all cards, namely the Group 2 Reisling and the Todman Stakes for the 2YOs, the Challenge Stakes, and Flemington has the Sires’ Produce Stakes and the Kewney Stakes, while the Group 3s aren’t important enough to mention.

Outside of the two jilted lover states New South Wales and Victoria, the Croweaters are being sent to Murray Bridge as they prepare for the Adelaide Cup on Monday, and there’s no racing in Perth this weekend, as the circus head down to Bunbury for the Bunbury Cup.

You know what the best part of Bunbury is?

The roundabout that sends you down to Busselton.

So it’s on to Crazy Craig, and I didn’t get any news about $20 notes on the footpaths of Bairnsdale, or the down on their luck getting any scratchies, which tells me that Craig did 8/10ths of stuff all last Saturday, despite possessing Elvis Aaron Presley as his GOOD LUCK CHARM.

The Ken Callander P(r)ick: Scully (No.2, Barrier 8) E/W in Race 3 at Flemington (MR7), 11:45am AEDT

1400m 3YO Super Saturday Handicap

Trainer: Andrew Noblet, Jockey: John Allen, 58.5kg

Hello hello all it’s Craaaazy Craig TBFB, Scratchie King of Bairnsdale, and my goodness me, I loved getting a few reactions to my performances last week – The important part is that it’s good know I’ve got a few knackers giving me a read, so thanks to you all!

Anyway, last week was forgettable so we move on, and for no reason at all I like the look of Sully 4th Up in Race 3, a very open race as I note at the time of writing it’s $5.50 the field, so I see no reason not to have a shot at the stumps with Sully.

And I tell you what, this’d be a race that Ken Callander would dread…

SHULLY IN THE SHUPER SHATURDAY SHTAKES!

The Split Enz Pick: Red Resistance (No.2, Barrier 4) in Race 4 at Randwick (SR4), 2:15pm AEDT

1100m Listed 3YO Tokyo City Keiba Fireball Stakes

Trainers: Gai Waterhouse & Adrian Bott, Jockey: Nash Rawiller, 58.5kg

When I see the crap runners in this race, all I can think of is Tim Finn and a bunch of Kiwis in taped up uniforms, probably because they were damaged…

When my baby’s running down the straight
I see Red, I see Red, I see Red Resistance!
How could someone wicked walk ’round free
I see Red, I see Red, I see Red Resistance
I see Redddddd, oh, I see Red (Red)!
I see Reddddddd… Resistance!

The Billy Idol P(r)ick: Black Fantasy (No.3, Barrier 8) in Race 8 at Bunbury (CR8), 4:47pm AWST (7:47)

2000m Listed Swan Draught Bunbury Cup

Trainers: Dan & Ben Pearce, Jockey: Clint Johnston-Porter, 58kg

Face to face and back to back
You see and feel my sex attack
Sing it!

Flesh
Flesh for Black Fantasy!
We were home
Flesh
Flesh for Black Fantasy!

Enjoy your weekend folks, stay safe, stay negative, KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE ROAD, and remember, I’m Crazy Craig, and that’s why they call me Craaaaaazy Craig!